Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

If your DC had a boy or girlfriend before they went to uni ...

45 replies

SheepMaySafelyGaze · 26/01/2023 12:56

What happened when they went to uni?

DD17 has been dating a lovely lad for a year now. She's hoping to go to a uni a couple of hours away. BF is making plans to visit every weekend!

I don't think her flat mates will be too happy - will they?

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 26/01/2023 12:58

My DD’s flatmates have no issues with BFs staying over. They all do it. It would be different is they move in permanently, but weekend/overnight is no problem.

Hoppinggreen · 26/01/2023 12:59

DD has a lovely BF, been together 2 years now.
I think they may well break up when they go to Uni, although I dont think he will let go easily and if it does happen she will be very upset.
Having said that I do think that having a serious relationship with someone at another Uni isn’t always a good idea socially and so breaking up may be best for both of them

RachelSq · 26/01/2023 13:00

I went to uni with a boyfriend (of two years at the time).

We took turns visiting each other on weekends. Lived in uni halls first year, with friends second year and with boyfriend third year (he’d finished uni then).

We’ve now been together 15 years and happily married.

Is the going straight into share private accommodation or halls? I’d be reading the lease carefully!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

17 years old
Original poster
SheepMaySafelyGaze · 26/01/2023 13:02

AdoraBell · 26/01/2023 12:58

My DD’s flatmates have no issues with BFs staying over. They all do it. It would be different is they move in permanently, but weekend/overnight is no problem.

Really? If I were young and in a new flat share I wouldn't be happy with some guy coming every weekend. A couple of times a term would be OK.

OP posts:
MadisonAvenue · 26/01/2023 13:15

Our eldest son had a girlfriend before he went to university, they’d been together for over a year. He chose to go to a local university (we think it was a compromise as she didn’t want him to go to university at all), he lived in halls.
She visited frequently and the relationship ended four months later, much to our relief. He shared with five other males and they didn’t seem to mind her staying from what we heard as she cooked and baked for them all while there.

Our younger son didn’t go to university but his girlfriend did. He drove a 600 mile round trip every two weeks to see her (lockdown aside). We honestly thought that the distance between them would be too much and the relationship would come to a natural end shortly after she moved away but they proved us wrong (thankfully as we adore her), she’s since graduated and they’re still together.
He got on really well with her flatmates, I think it worked well as they also had boyfriends either nearby or visiting who would stay too.

QualityTweet · 26/01/2023 16:37

My daughter was in a 1 year relationship when her BF went to uni in a city around an hour from us. He was home about every second weekend or she went to visit him. A few years down the line they are now both at the same Uni and still going strong.

Babyroobs · 26/01/2023 16:39

My youngest ds has been with his gf for 2 years and is in his first year at Uni and his gf at a Uni many miles away. They tried to get into the same Uni but ds fell slightly short of the required grades. They have one weekend a month at each others halls currently.

maddy68 · 26/01/2023 16:40

Stayed together throughout uni and split afterwards

ramonaquimby · 26/01/2023 16:42

3 and a half years….v serious…they broke up by October. Still not entirely sure why, but she’s moved on 3 years later!

ramonaquimby · 26/01/2023 16:42

(It didn’t take her 3 years to move on)

Lkydfju · 26/01/2023 16:45

Some relationships continue obviously but the vast majority split up in my experience. I wouldn’t worry about it the staying over part too much

moonwitchmum · 26/01/2023 16:47

I was at uni less than 5 years ago, hadn’t been with DH (then BF) very long and he came to stay frequently. Nobody was bothered. We lived in halls and our flat had 20 people in, if I remember correctly 3 other girls had boyfriends who would come and stay regularly and it was never an issue. I moved into a house share with 4 other people for my 2nd and 3rd year and by that point DH was basically living with us and nobody batted an eye lid.

emmathedilemma · 26/01/2023 16:49

One of my uni flatmates had a boyfriend from home who came to stay for the weekend once every few weeks. We were fine with it as he did her washing up that she never did 😁

Original poster
SheepMaySafelyGaze · 26/01/2023 16:54

Thanks for replies. I was secretly hoping she'd branch out socially at uni. Otherwise we could save a fortune by her staying home and going local!

OP posts:
Original poster
SheepMaySafelyGaze · 26/01/2023 16:55

Is the going straight into share private accommodation or halls?

Halls.
I think!

OP posts:
wiggngiggs · 26/01/2023 16:58

My ds is in 1st year at a London uni and has had a girfriend since he was 13. She is also at uni now, but living at home. They're about 1.5 hours apart and see each other most weekends - either he goes to her house or she goes up to London and stays over in his (very small) room in the hall of residence. I like her very much but would prefer him to see her less often and maybe spread his wings a bit, but I say nothing. He is from a long line of contented faithful monogamists, from which I have benefitted! 🙂

I have no idea what his new uni friends think but, if he doesn't care, then neither do I!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/01/2023 17:04

I'm glad to say that she realised exactly how her life was always going to be with him as soon as he wasn't able to monopolise every second of her day and night fucking unlimited calls tariff on the phone he bought her and she dumped him with the support of everybody on her floor within the first four weeks.

The other one bailed at the thought of being visited every single weekend and never getting a social life away from him.

Harsh thoughts, perhaps, but the idea of a LDR just wasn't appealing to either when they realised just how restrictive their lives were being coupled up at 18.

ImperfectAlf · 26/01/2023 17:19

My DS had a gf for 1 year before university. They met most weekends and during the holidays. They've been married now for 9 years and have two dc of their own.

It can work out, if they want it to

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 26/01/2023 17:23

Ds1 met his girlfriend working at a supermarket before they both went to university, he was 21 a slightly mature student and she was 19 after a gap year. They made it work, and are still together 5 years later, living in a different city to either of the ones they went to university. I think it was easy for them because they wanted to make it work, and saw each other every two to three weekends. I don’t think it impacted on their separate uni friendships they made.

Shampern · 26/01/2023 17:29

I think the university period is make or break time. If they are serious, they seem to find a way. If their uni mates like the partner and welcome them, then that's even better and a good yardstick by which to measure things.

EL0ISE · 26/01/2023 17:30

My DS is in this situation. He and his GF split weekends between

Some weekends where they don't see each other
his room in halls on one city
her room in her flat in another city
weekends/ holidays at both sets of parents who live near each other ( they met at school)

That way no one gets fed up of having them every weekend.

They spent some of the Christmas holidays dog sitting ( live in ) for a family friend which gave us all a break 🙂.

UmmmBopDeeDooWhop · 26/01/2023 17:30

I wouldn't start worrying about this. It's only January for a start. As long as she still has plans to go I would be happy enough with that. I'd only get involved if she made choices taking him into consideration like going to a closer university.

Cookerhood · 26/01/2023 17:34

Babyroobs · 26/01/2023 16:39

My youngest ds has been with his gf for 2 years and is in his first year at Uni and his gf at a Uni many miles away. They tried to get into the same Uni but ds fell slightly short of the required grades. They have one weekend a month at each others halls currently.

Mine was the same. They lasted through lockdown & spilt up at the Christmas of year 2.
DD similar. Lasted until Easter of year 2!

Original poster
SheepMaySafelyGaze · 26/01/2023 17:35

He is from a long line of contented faithful monogamists, from which I have benefitted!

🙂That's lovely.

OP posts:
erikbloodaxe · 26/01/2023 17:53

DS and his girlfriend were togethet 3 years before they both went to different Uni's 5hrs apart. They both had great social lives and stayed together throughout Uni and are still together at 24. It can and does work. A social life does not have to mean sleeping with people.