If your DC had a boy or girlfriend before they went to uni ...

[SheepMaySafelyGaze]

What happened when they went to uni?

DD17 has been dating a lovely lad for a year now. She's hoping to go to a uni a couple of hours away. BF is making plans to visit every weekend!

I don't think her flat mates will be too happy - will they?

I have a family member who has been in the same relationship since she was in secondary, her BF would visit her every weekend, after her first year she got a house share and he visited more regularly and no one minded at all, 3rd year they fully moved out into their own place together.

Sorry I forgot to add her first year was in the student housing.
They are getting married very soon and planning children now so it worked out for them just fine :)

I went to uni with a boyfriend. It lasted until Xmas lol.

Really he shouldn't go and visit her for a few weeks. Let her settle in alone, make friends and get sorted.

When he visits he needs to bring food / booze as a thank you.

And my eldest ds was with his gf from aged 16. She went to Uni a year later than him and chose a Uni half an hour drive from his. She then cheated on him in freshers week so that was the end of that !

My pal’s daughter went away for Uni
Home every weekend to see her boyfriend normally Thursday night to Tues morning
Pal raging at the cost of the halls etc
The daughter does no socialising at Uni

well I guess karma is that she was then stuck at a Uni she probably wouldn't have chosen under normal circumstances. This is where I think the danger lies- choosing Uni based on fleeting teenage relationship that probably won't last the distance.

They are 17. Everyone plans to visit every weekend at this point. It's no indication of what actually happens

For some couples they will either slowly stop visiting, get bored, cheat. For others they will work out a schedule and stay together. The same with any relationship, some work some don't.

I doubt anyone will be annoyed at him coming every weekend, most 18yr olds have regular guests in their bedroom and halls arent quite the same as a shared house as there's no shared bills etc.

It's not a waste of money her living away even if she doesn't have a massive social life, she will learn valuable life skills and independence that she won't learn living at home. She can't exactly live at home if she's going to uni a few hours away?

In the gentlest fashion, it's really none of your business what they chose to do

I think the etiquette is to alternate weekends, so that sometimes the flatmates benefit from a more empty house because she is away and other times there is the boyfriend there too. That's what my flatmates and I agreed.
I also think it would be a shame if she missed out on the chance to spend some weekends independently

If that’s at me I really don’t care,just reporting how my friend feels

At the time my bf came roughly once a fortnight for the weekend. Flatmates often had similar. No issues.

Is he going to university soon? Every week is a lot when trying to balance friends.

DS & his GF have been together 4 years, both at different Uni's but were together here, in home town, before they went.
They visit each other often for odd nights here and there, but for longer weekends they both tend to come home, both about hour and a half away in different directions.
Third year students now and their housemates have been fab.

Dd has recently split with boyfriend of eight years. She was seventeen when they started dating. It did seem to work although they weren’t seeing each other every weekend.

She can't exactly live at home if she's going to uni a few hours away?

If she lived at home she'd go the the RG uni half an hour away.

It's not a waste of money her living away even if she doesn't have a massive social life, she will learn valuable life skills and independence that she won't learn living at home

See I don't think they need to spend £20k a year to gain independence. Millions of young people manage without going to uni. But that's a different discussion.

Is he going to university soon? Every week is a lot when trying to balance friends

He's a year older and already working.

I'm glad I posted as it seems it's quite normal for uni students to have boyfriends/girlfriends from home. I assumed they'd want to date people they met at uni.

DS is in year 1 of uni. Serious girlfriend all of year 13, lovely girl. They went to different unis in different parts of the country.

He broke it off by end of October, after much agonising. He started dating someone else a couple weeks ago. Some people make it, some don’t.

I went to Scotland to do my PGCE when my boyfriend was in London (we were mid 20s). He would come up and stay every couple weeks, I never thought about anyone complaining - and don’t think anyone ever did….

Lots of the student nights out and socialising actually happens mid week as nightclubs tend to have cheap drinks deals etc.

So really the only things that would stop her socialising is if she's quite introverted and doesn't want to that much or has a boyfriend that gets jealous and controlling. Hopefully that is not the case and he's nice and relaxed,

I had a boyfriend through Uni, we saw each other every other weekend and socialised plenty. All my flat mates had LDR too. It was no big deal!

There's a saying, I was told, that they [existing relationships ] will have broken up by the end of the first semester.

It turned out to be true for me and my long term boyfriend.

DH and I met at 16. We went to different Unis. Been together over 30 years now. I used to stay at his every weekend as I still lived at home, his flat mates all became really good friends. I paid for food/drink when I was there but nothing else. I preferred his college friends to those on my own course

I'm also someone who has been in the situation, I went for every other weekend seeing my boyfriend and we alternated usually, I'd go to him or he'd come and stay at the halls. He is now my husband and the same with another 3 people I was in halls with, they are still together. Of course there are ones who split up but there are also lots like me who didn't. 😊

Would she not be better off putting her in a travelogue or something the two nights a week she’s actually at UNI.