Friends who do drugs

[Shakeyourtailfeather]

Needs some opinions. Made some new school mum friends. Been friends for a year. Seem nice, happy to do favours and welcoming eg. Me and DS can come over for tea whenever, days out. They are nice people.

However the only thing I'm wary of which I've found out recently is that they do drugs. So about 4 mums of a group of 9 do drugs. I'm torn because the job I specifically want to do is working with vunerable young people and therefore I don't want to be tainted with hanging around with people who do drugs. Do you think I should back away from the friendships? It's sad because they are nice however I'm not sure I can see a way to continue the friendship

One of them is always banging on instgram about being super eco and saving the planet. He flies all over the place has four holidays a year and sniffs half of columbia up his nose at parties.

I do feel sorry for their children because as they get older they will come to realise what's happening. I don't want me DS to ever be around that.

It’s very off putting and would be enough for me to back away.

Well if there’s ever a time when they are put “in loco parentis” how will you feel? I’d back out now rather than have to explain later why my DC can’t come & play/sleep over at their house.

I work in a large cat b men's prison, I cannot think of one single prisoner who has not been involved with drugs at some point
It's large scale and affects everyone equally, despite background

But it's fine, a random mumsnetter upthread is calling out mumsnet 'hysteria' so I'm clearly out of order for noticing a drug problem, let's just sweep it under the carpet..

I completely agree, these people are so insulated from the pain their fun causes.

It's also worrying how may would think nothing of driving in the 24 hours after taking this stuff, they don't even think about how long it stays in their system. The police are now picking more people up with their drug wipes but there does need to be better public information so people see it in the same light as drunk driving (but with a longer 'under the influence' period).

This would be a dealbreaker for me, but I work with children who have been groomed into county lines drugs gangs. Drugs ruin so many lives. So I would be polite and civil and not say anything but would keep my distance. I also would be seriously against my children going to their houses in case they found any drugs or the parents took them with my child in the house. I would have their children over to mine though if they were friends.

you have to decided what it means for you.

I would give them a wide berth. They have good jobs and do drugs for recreation which to me says they're pretty willfully ignorant because the supply chain involved in getting those drugs to you involves some pretty grotesque processes and people, definitely not pretty even if your personal drug dealer is cool and edgey instead of scary.
I bet they buy fairtrade chocolate the f*in' middle class hypocrites 🙄

One of my colleagues went to a reunion of medical school friends, they're all around 60 and consultants, GPs etc. He said at least half of them were doing coke. Not in front of him, but lots of communal toilet trips.

Totally agree.

middle class well off professionals. Probably wringing their hands at another persons child stabbed or killed by an opposing drug gang. Or an innocent person minding their own business shot by accident in a busy pub. It’s all drugs related, and fuelled by “cool” middle class people who are completely untouched by the reality of their little toot on the side.

Not out of order at all but I think it's vital to keep
Some perspective. Overreacting and panicking doesn't help anyone and judging without thinking is pointless.

Who is overreacting? Panicking?

And also this is another concern of mine. Children finding the drugs and not realising what it is at such a young school age. It could end very badly

How will you cope if you find yourself having to deal professionally with one of your school run friends because of drugs? If you knew the parents were doing coke while their dcs were asleep?

I'd say that's a fairly basic conflict, wouldn't you?

I'd back away.

Hmmm and presumably because they are not living on some grim council estate, somehow they think it makes it more acceptable. It does not, they are just as bas as all the others. They are despicable. Ditch them but remain cordial when you see them.

It's not hysteria. I hear a lot of court cases as part of my work and I would say at leat 70-80 per cent of violent crime and theft/burglary etc is related to drugs. Judges say it all the time "drugs ruin lives" and not just the lives of people taking them. They harm society as a whole.

I've got friends who party drugs. Doesn't bother me, they might do a line or two of coke or a dab of MDMA if they're in a club or whatever. Doesn't affect their home life/parenting/jobs. In fact, they're all pretty professional types with good jobs. But I know them well, and know how and when they use them.

but of course, there is a difference with people doing a drug for a bit of fun when out and someone relying on it to live their life. Or having an addiction.

I"m sure you'd know they were in the latter category. But of course, totally understandable if you choose to lower your contact with them

@blankittyblank

How do they manage the come downs?
How long until they next drive?
Where do they get the drugs from??

I think there's generally a lot of over reaction on mumsnet about drug use and I think it's unhelpful.

It doesn't help keep an open discussion, it shuts it down.
I prefer a harm reduction approach with balance and nuance.

Honestly though, I think I might just stop responding to threads like this because unless you're condemning and shunning people, it's assumed you're supporting Columbian drug lords and cheerleading for everyone to get off their tits.

I have NO idea how they manage the come downs!! Weirdly they seem OK, and manage to work and carry about their business, but I honestly don't know how!

They don't really drive as they're city dwellers.

Re the drugs, I have NO idea. The dark web I think 😬

Are they worse parents than the ones who drink regularly? Probably not…….

I don't know if I'm honest. They haven't spoke about it

I had a mate who did this. Her and her middle class mum friends. What disgusted me about it the most was how ignorant they were to what they were involved in - "it's just a bit of fun!" - but if you look at the bigger picture, the drug dealer they buy it from, who he buys it from - I'm talking a nasty world of bad people; trafficking, organised crime, gangs. And they support it. Ignorant posh bitches they were.

What’s the difference between a come down and a hang over ? Have you ever taken care of your DC whilst hung over and should your friends judge you for this? If you like them, just enjoy their friendship and don’t worry about what they do in their spare time.

Tbh I'm not a big drinker either now. I used to be when I was younger and would even say I had a big problem with binge drinking and not knowing my limits. So now I don't do it especially now I have a young child. It's like there's 2 sides to them and it's just so unfortunate that they do drugs