Is the 'perfect teen' normal or in fact really desirable?

[mids2019]

I have a relative whose daughter is around 15 and absolutely well behaved and exhibits none of the behaviour a stereotypical teen is meant to display. She is extremely courteous, well behaved, dresses in a very conservative fashion, is a little religious and hobbies include choir and swimming. There is no mention of boyfriends or any sort of rebellious behaviour such as alcohol or smoking. In fact she would be a delight to bring u p.

However is it normal for teens to rebel against their parents a little in terms growing into an adult? To what extent is a little teen rebellion expected or even healthy?

has anyone here in their opinion been non rebellious through their teens and do you think it has made any difference to your character or current state of life? Is there any regret to not being a little more rebellious?

I think kids are much less likely to rebel when the parents are relatively easygoing and reasonable. They don't need to.

The kids in dd's year who have gone off the rails have tended to have parents who are a bit more controlling and who have failed to fully recognise that their kids are growing up and allow them appropriate freedom and independence to reflect this.

Of course, there will be exceptions to this, but I do think overly strict and inflexible parents are inevitably more likely to have rebellious teens. If parents are reasonable and open to discussion/negotiation, then most kids will recognise that any boundaries are in place to keep them safe. If parents are rigid and unreasonable, the kids will realise this sooner or later and take matters into their own hands.

Lots of previous teen rebels I have grown up in have excelled in creative industries, wine making and think out of the box high up geeks.

Bright enough to get high enough grades for decent uni. Rebellious enough to take chances, creative enough for "he who dares Rodney he who dares". In many cases winning formulas.

My teens never really ‘rebelled’ but we were pretty liberal and rubbed along well together. As long as they weren’t dicks we gave them a lot of freedom. So nothing really to rebel against.

I also know straight laced folk who have excelled, albeit more traditional roles insurance, trading.

I know some rebels who sank.

Some straight laced who have depression that they are never good enough.

So no magic formula or guaranteed route to success and happiness.

From my small, yet varied, sample.

Would teenage rebellion nowadays be not being a filler, nails, swishy hair female and gym bunny legend male?

I don't see rebellion as solely, even largely, against parents as such, it's usually against the peer group grain isn't it?

I agree with this

So far my teens have been great (17 and 18 now)

We've been really relaxed about some things but strict about others

It may very well be luck of the draw though

I was also that teen. Left school, got pregnant with first boyfriend as I had no life experience- despite having excellent school grades.

for me extreme parental control and lack of positive parental time caused a rebellion. I say rebellion but actually it was a very mild rebellion compared to others. However I was still labelled the black sheep and felt like the family scape goat in a tight laced family. I have bought up my own children completely differently, giving my time and positive attention, also supporting creativity and being respectful of them. My kids haven’t rebelled but they are also quite quirky and I like this a lot.

I performed well academically and had a boyfriend and drank alcohol occasionally and regularly socialised with my friends. A teenager having a social life doesn’t mean they automatically neglect their studies. In my experience, the people who had strict parents at school went wild when they moved to halls for university. It’s not healthy to live a completely sheltered life.

My 17 year old DD has been a joy. She's been a very very easy teenager (unlike her sibling 😀).

However, I can see she is just starting to be a little passive aggressive and stubborn. However, if that's all I have to contend with then I've got off lightly!

I was a well behaved teen in general. My mum didn't really give me much to rebel against - as long as I was with friends she was happy for me to go anywhere. I tried some alcohol at 15, got sick and didn't try it again for a few years. That was the extent of my rebellion!

I've treated my kids the same and they haven't been rebellious. One is at uni now and doesn't drink. None of mine drink!

They may be quiet, but they definitely know their own minds and don't give in to peer pressure. I was the same.

That's not to say they're perfect, we've had the normal teen rows about mess, nicking food, not showering, not doing homework etc, but nothing huge.

I think they're all laid back, like me. Phew! I like an easy life!

I was that teen, I had no interest in "hanging out" on the street in groups, drinking or smoking. I had low self esteem so no boyfriends through school or college and hated confrontation so was generally well behaved (albeit flying under the radar and not trying as hard as I should have at school).
I got my first boyfriend at 18. He was a uni student and I had a full time job but started to go out with him and his friends on weeknights. My mum gave me a curfew at age 19 for "burning the candle at both ends" 😂 that was as bad as it got for us.

I'm actually quite proud looking back, I don't think I "needed" a rebellion or to get anything out of my system.

My fourth teen dd is an absolute peach. Not religious or conservative or anything like the teen described in the op, she has a tattoo and enjoys a few drinks with her mates, but she studied hard at school and is working hard at college, and is kind, thoughtful and very loving. I have literally never exchanged a harsh word with her. She is 19 now so I am not expecting any rebelliousness at this stage.
Teen no 5 though is a totally different story.........

I have a genuinely lovely 20 year old who has caused me no trouble in his life (apart from waking up every two hours for a boob for the first 18 months). Friendly, gets on with everyone of any age and background, bright, interesting to talk to, helpful (goes over to help the grandparents and their friends for free). Has got drunk and puked twice but was mortified and cleaned up immaculately. Offers to help around the house, give his sibling lifts, cooks etc. Just a really lovely person. I’m very lucky.

Well maybe, it probably depends doesn't it? Schools do tend to have quite rigid approaches to rules but if that isn't a problem for the child then nothing to rebel against. If they do object to the rules but have to stick to them anyway - grounds to rebel?

It's part of learning how to be independent, but it's not the only way somebody can figure out independence.

Why does anyone need to rebel though? Some people, even teens can be really laid back and easy going and just like following the rules and not rocking the boat. This in no way affects their life experience or hints about how they will become as adults in the future.

Minus the religion, I was that teenager. Happy in my own company, reading or watching sitcoms from years before I was born. We never had the internet at home so I didn't have MSN or Bebo or all of those other chat/social media things that the others in my class did. Didn't have many friends really. Didn't fit in or try to. Certainly never went out other than school or visiting relatives. I did suffer anxiety though and self harmed on and off. Not sure that was connected.

Forgot to add. I didn't go on to rebel. Never smoked, never touched a drug. Got my first proper boyfriend at 20, it didn't last. Gained a small group of work friends after leaving school. Got more confident as I got older and started enjoying a night on the town once or twice a month which was eye opening in my early 20's as I'd never done it before. Had my first child at 24 and that was really my awakening.

This reminds me a bit of a thread I started a few months back after a friend asked me where my 14 year old was going out drinking with their mates. Because that was his teenage experience, as it was some of my mates (though ones I met when I was older), but, as per my previous posts, a million miles away from my teens' interests right not!

I think we might also see less rebellion now as I think people are wising up to the fact that you don't need to automatically batten down the hatches in expectation of a terrible teenager, and the less you give them to push against, the less they'll push. Though sometimes there are certain personality clashes that will just cause it (see DH's niece, below)

I notice that for my friends, with girls at least, if they are going to be 'difficult' teens it starts to manifest early, around 10-11, and the door slamming and huffing starts then, and if it doesn't then, it isn't likely too later. I can see this a bit with DH's niece who is clearly setting herself up against her earthy, no interest in fashion, not-even-shaving-her-legs mum - wanting to be a crop-top and make-up wearing girl with a weekend job at Brandy Meville.

I was that teen. I never caused my parents any issues. Went to uni, got job etc. My parents never saw me drunk I never rebelled or had unsuitable boyfriends etc. In fact my mother probably still thinks I'm the perfect daughter.
I just never told my parents anything at all about what I got up to in uni or my 20's.
I was at a mixed comp and thus the boys were of no interest to me as had been annoying since age 11 and you never see them as anything else when you have known them that long. Very nice middle class professional area where no kids drank or smoke. I think we all rebelled at uni and just kept it away from our proud parents.
All my friends were the same really. We were expected to work hard at school and we're not given money etc and certainly not allowed near clubs. Boring teens do exist!

Interesting comment about it being a Western thing...not sure teens rebel in quite the same way in Asia or the Middle East although sure there must be a bit of cheekiness and laziness worldwide!