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Original poster

I'm not OK.

37 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 23/01/2023 20:53

I'm not coping with my life

Both parents in and out of hospital (dad still in following a fall)

We moved house in September, the house requires upkeep and its a lot of work. It's made my commute to work horrendous (I've quit but not in effect til July).

2 small children, 4 and 2. My 4 year old does not stop talking. He cannot do ANYTHING alone. He demands constant and unrelenting engagement from half five when he wakes up. He is incredibly highly strung. If he can't put a shoe on, he has a total meltdown. If his coat doesn't feel right, he has a meltdown. Had a half hour meltdown at the weekend cos he didn't want to get his wheels of his scooter dirty. Needs constant reminders and explanations of things and doesn't listen.

DD is 2 and is currently ill. Doesn't like eating. Runs away to get dressed. Also talks a lot.

I feel like I'm broken. I can't cope with the logistics of nappies and coats and battles and crying. They can play together for about a minute before tears. In the car today we descended into tears because DD kept interrupting DS playing eye spy and DS rises to it every time. We left the house at 9 then I had to leave them with their godparents to see my dad (over an hour each way).

I SCREAMED at DS at bedtime. He was yelling because he wanted a new plaster and I laid him down to put his night nappy on far too roughly and then he banged his head and I knew that would happen.

I need help. I cannot cope. And now I need to mark work (I'm a teacher) and I can't see for tears.

OP posts:
Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 23/01/2023 20:57

I love my children so much but I'm failing them.

OP posts:
BankOfDave · 23/01/2023 20:58

So sorry to hear this OP. Hear to listen is you just wanna rant/download - go for it!

It’s v tough at that age and with a FT job. Add in parents plus all the rest and it’s not a surprise you’re feeling overwhelmed.

BankOfDave · 23/01/2023 20:59

*Here even

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2 year olds 4 year olds Families
freezingone · 23/01/2023 20:59

You'll be ok. This moment, this phase will pass. Just hold on & get through the days. And practice gratitude. I know everyone harps on about it but honestly it works! Lust 3 things every morning/ evening you're grateful for. Shift your focus to these positive things in your life. Im sorry I can't offer any more practical advice but Im sending a huge supportive hug. You're not alone. We all go through tough times xx

Bowbellsx · 23/01/2023 20:59

This is me you are me , this is what my life is like I too feel broken so very broken 😞

freezingone · 23/01/2023 20:59

List not lust!!!!!

freezingone · 23/01/2023 21:00

And take time off sick of you need it. Work can wait.

Sexypyjamas · 23/01/2023 21:00

You sound like a good mum who cares a lot. You have so much to do it seems. A lot on your shoulders. Those ages for DCs are challenging. Sorry your parents are in and out of hospital, that must be so hard x

Iwantabloodypizza · 23/01/2023 21:04

I’m in the same boat. You aren’t alone if that’s any consolation.

Onthenextcourt67 · 23/01/2023 21:09

I'm so sorry op. This is a lot. Just being a teacher and having young DC would be enough, never mind supporting your unwell parents and moving house. You are pulled in all directions. You need some support to get you through this hump.

Where is your dc's dad in all of this? Do you have the budget to hire a mother's help? Any family or friends who could pitch in? Could you leave work earlier than agreed? How about parenting classes? And perhaps having your son assessed as it sounds like he has sensory issues?

Everyone needs help at some point in their lives. This is your moment to ask for help.

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 23/01/2023 21:21

DH does a lot, he really does. He wfh and usually gets up with them first thing (I make sure he has at least a lay in at the weekend).

We have a nanny for the days I work.

Currently messaging my friend who has a 4 month old. Breastfeeding and through sheer perseverance has got the baby to take a bottle of expressed milk. Even that makes me want to cry, she is so sleep deprived and managing to keep going. I was a wreck. I feel like a total failure and a horrendous mother.

Not managed any marking either.

OP posts:
Rachell1 · 23/01/2023 21:23

The very fact that you are worrying about being a bad mum is making you a good one.

Some stages in life are just TOUGH. Young kids are often relentless and exhausting and having 2 little ones as well as dealing with what else you have going on is hard.

Please be kind to yourself. Make some easy meals, put the tv on for the kids, ask family/friends to have them for an hour or two or if you can, pay for a babysitter now and then to have some you time.

As for the house, can you afford help with cleaning at all? Otherwise, a schedule? A rota?

Don’t feel bad for being a little harder on your son every now and then too. It’s horrible when we feel we have ‘made them cry’ but often, we haven’t and in fact all we are doing is teaching them how NOT to behave. Which is necessary. So don’t be too hard on yourself there either.

Take a breather, put the kids to bed and think about the positives. You have two children who adore you and who will be your friends for life. You most likely have a lovely home, a career, food, warmth.

Take care of yourself and take some time for your

freezingone · 23/01/2023 21:42

Onthenextcourt67 · 23/01/2023 21:09

I'm so sorry op. This is a lot. Just being a teacher and having young DC would be enough, never mind supporting your unwell parents and moving house. You are pulled in all directions. You need some support to get you through this hump.

Where is your dc's dad in all of this? Do you have the budget to hire a mother's help? Any family or friends who could pitch in? Could you leave work earlier than agreed? How about parenting classes? And perhaps having your son assessed as it sounds like he has sensory issues?

Everyone needs help at some point in their lives. This is your moment to ask for help.

how can you reduce OP's son bay have sensory issues? Why throw that in to someone already clearly stressed out. He's just a fussy 4 year old I'm pretty sure.. why do we constantly have to try to diagnose everybody with something?! OP your son is likely playing up on all the stuff he can have an inch of control over. It's hard to have perspective when you're in the thick of parenting 2 young children & sleep deprived. Honestly, what you've described was a pretty normal day for me when mine were small & I'm sure many others too. As someone has said, work out where to draw on extra support for yourself, take time out & chill any family expectations. Have you spoken with your DH about it- is he supportive?

freezingone · 23/01/2023 21:42

Sorry meant deduce and boy. Bloody auto correct

lightand · 23/01/2023 21:46

Ask for some help from any friends or family that may be able to help.

I know it isnt the same, but once, I had a whole heap of stuff happening. Realised I would go under if I didnt ask for help. Someone came and stayed with us for a week until I was able to get back some control with everything again.

Luredbyapomegranate · 23/01/2023 21:49

Oh OP - you definitely aren’t failing them, you are in the middle of the battlefield years and it’s hellish.

We always compare our insides with other people’s outsides. In the same way you think your BFing mate is doing great, other people will think you are superwoman for working and having 2 kids.

Can you talk to your partner about this? Because you need to figure out between you how to make this better. Talk to him briefly tonight before you go to bed - and make a plan to talk properly tomorrow?

I would also develop a very painful UTI (or condition of your choice) that means you have to be off the rest of this week - I know it’s not ideal, and you won’t want to let your classes down, but it is honestly better than you falling over and leaving the profession entirely. Can you text your manager tonight as well?

AllOfThemWitches · 23/01/2023 21:50

I don't know if I'm reading it wrong but you knew he would bang his head and you let it happen? I think seeking help would be a good idea and making sure you have time to just be you.

Luredbyapomegranate · 23/01/2023 21:54

AllOfThemWitches · 23/01/2023 21:50

I don't know if I'm reading it wrong but you knew he would bang his head and you let it happen? I think seeking help would be a good idea and making sure you have time to just be you.

This isn’t a helpful response is it? The OP knows something has to shift - making her feel worse for feeling overwhelmed is not useful. She needs to feel better about herself not worse to get an handle on things.

lollipoprainbow · 23/01/2023 21:57

Feel the same, I wrote my own post this morning but only got one response 😢

Original poster
DueyCheatemAndHow · 23/01/2023 21:58

@lollipoprainbow I don't know why responses mean so much but they really do don't they? It's probably luck of timing but I'm hugely grateful to everyone tonight

Wtf does it keep doing this bold thing!

**

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 23/01/2023 21:58

Take time to breath and think practically. What short term additional help can you lay down to help given you have extra care responsibilities with parents.

Cooking
Cleaning
Extra nanny days so you can do cooking or cleaning or go for a swim/walk

Anything that helps you for 6 month's until work is over or parents issues calm down. It will be worth every penny.

Or, go sick. You are stressed out. It's not your fault, it's just a shit time in life and you need help to get through the other side - we all do.

AllOfThemWitches · 23/01/2023 21:59

Luredbyapomegranate · 23/01/2023 21:54

This isn’t a helpful response is it? The OP knows something has to shift - making her feel worse for feeling overwhelmed is not useful. She needs to feel better about herself not worse to get an handle on things.

Show quote history

Yeah I knew someone would have something to say. If you are intentionally hurting a child, that's obviously really concerning. I did say I'm not sure I've read it correctly.

YoBeaches · 23/01/2023 22:01

@AllOfThemWitches she didn't intentionally harm her child. you either read incorrectly or deliberately chose to put a negative spin on her comment.

Either way.

Fuck off.

AllOfThemWitches · 23/01/2023 22:04

YoBeaches · 23/01/2023 22:01

@AllOfThemWitches she didn't intentionally harm her child. you either read incorrectly or deliberately chose to put a negative spin on her comment.

Either way.

Fuck off.

'I laid him down to put his night nappy on far too roughly and then he banged his head and I knew that would happen.'

No one cares about you telling them to fuck off on the internet. If someone is saying they were too rough with their child, they need to seek urgent help. I've not been devoid of sympathy either.

BankOfDave · 23/01/2023 22:06

@lollipoprainbow

Think it’s just more traffic from the evening crowd is all 🙂

Everyone is different but when I had a few tough times working FT with DC and other issues at home I didn’t want anyone to solutionise, I just wanted someone to listen and feel I was being heard. The advice above is what I wish I had done sooner though - say you need help to people close to you, most times most people will come through for you. It’s the little things and often that gets you through when it all seems relentless and Groundhog Day.