I'm not OK.

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

I'm not coping with my life

Both parents in and out of hospital (dad still in following a fall)

We moved house in September, the house requires upkeep and its a lot of work. It's made my commute to work horrendous (I've quit but not in effect til July).

2 small children, 4 and 2. My 4 year old does not stop talking. He cannot do ANYTHING alone. He demands constant and unrelenting engagement from half five when he wakes up. He is incredibly highly strung. If he can't put a shoe on, he has a total meltdown. If his coat doesn't feel right, he has a meltdown. Had a half hour meltdown at the weekend cos he didn't want to get his wheels of his scooter dirty. Needs constant reminders and explanations of things and doesn't listen.

DD is 2 and is currently ill. Doesn't like eating. Runs away to get dressed. Also talks a lot.

I feel like I'm broken. I can't cope with the logistics of nappies and coats and battles and crying. They can play together for about a minute before tears. In the car today we descended into tears because DD kept interrupting DS playing eye spy and DS rises to it every time. We left the house at 9 then I had to leave them with their godparents to see my dad (over an hour each way).

I SCREAMED at DS at bedtime. He was yelling because he wanted a new plaster and I laid him down to put his night nappy on far too roughly and then he banged his head and I knew that would happen.

I need help. I cannot cope. And now I need to mark work (I'm a teacher) and I can't see for tears.

Young kids and aging parents is a shit sandwich that's for sure. It feels relentless and like you are spread too thin.

Hang in there. Lower your expectations a bit. Let the kids watch Netflix like little baby bum, or peppa pig and give yourself time to breathe.

It's a tough gig and it won't last forever. Just get by day by day and take any offers of help.

No actually, It was one suggestion among a few to have op’s son assessed freezingone and it’s up to the op to decide whether it’s a relevant suggestion or not. I am sure she is capable of discounting it by herself if necessary.

And although it is highly likely it is just a four year old playing up and nothing more, I didn’t make the suggestion lightly, as four is the age when ASD often becomes apparent and the behaviour the op describes is the same as my dd at the same age, who is now going through assessment: meltdowns when clothes don’t feel right, the neediness, the broadcasting, the poor listening and comprehension skills.

Finally, although I can’t understand your first sentence, I didn’t ‘reduce’ the op’s post to sensory issues at all. If you read it properly you will see that my main point was that the op needed more support.

I was horrible to him tonight. He opened a bag of stuff that I needed to give someone, I told him not to repeatedly (had my hands full at the time) and he did anyway and it went everywhere. I was awful. My mum was horrible to me and I remember it vividly.

I can try and get more help in, otherwise what do I do - anger management? I was on citalopram but was doing much better

I'm sorry. I don't log on til evenings. Sending you a huge hug too & the same advice! You're not alone!!!

@AllOfThemWitches

It's called hindsight.

A thread with this title and you think your comments are appropriate - and you're NOT devoid of sympathy?

Leave the OP alone.

OP it could be worth chatting to GP if you came off the citalopram given you are under extra stress it might not hurt.

But otherwise you need physical help so that you can regain control of your coping mechanisms. If you're not normally like this and know it's due to stresses then anger management prob won't help - that's more about irrational anger.

Reach out to people, it's a temporary situation and people will chip in or get paid for help.

You could also switch routine with DH if bedtimes are particularly challenging and you do other chores instead.

You're in a shit phase with kids and parents and you're a teacher.

You are one person, and you can only be and do so much.

Work, much as we all feel it (also a teacher, I get it) is just that. Work. Seen first hand recently you can literally be at work, then gone as a teacher and SLT etc hardly bat an eyelid.

Family first. You are irreplaceable there. Work sucks so much of a teachers emotional strength there's not enough left for the important people at home

Look into cleaner, hello fresh or other easy food and try to "lower" your workload where you can with whole class feedback etc. If need be you go off with stress. You're no good to anyone if you totally break down.

Look after yourself xxx

OP please stop torturing yourself. You are NOT failing in any sense of the word. You are stressed, who wouldn't be with two unwell parents who need care, a full time job and two needy children. Do not compare yourself to your friend. Caring for a baby (in itself difficult of course) is totally different to two older children who can walk, talk, answer back etc and need taking places. She is also probably on ML while you are working in a stressful job. Be firm with your children, ignore whinging and meltdowns, praise good behaviour (if there is any) and make sure your DH supports you.

You are not failing them. You fed them clothed them and kept them alive for today that's just fine. But you need help and a break maybe some time off work whilst your Dad is ill.

Try to get signed off and take a minimum week long holiday in the uk somewhere restorative. It may not be peaceful but being away from your house and all the crap housework etc for a few days will help a lot.

Also look into getting a volunteer from homestart to help you with the kids a little.