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Original poster

Devastated

35 replies

Bestcatmum · 21/01/2023 19:47

I was taken abroad by my mother and stepfather when I was quite young. I always knew my stepfather hated me. They told me they were sending me back to the UK to visit some relatives, I was 13. I thought this was odd but anyway it would have been nice to see my relatives again. What I didn't know was that they had arranged for me to be taken into care and never to go back home again.
My mother was pregnant with his twins when I was due to go.
They weren't planning on telling me.
Anyway their plans were scuppered when that relative suddenly died so I couldn't go back.
I couldn't think why my stepfather was so angry and banged and shouted for days.
I'm in my 60s now and I was just so shocked. I cant see my mother again. I'm going to dump her like a stone just like she planned to dump me.
They got rid of me a couple of years later. Put me in boarding school and I didn't see them again until they retired.
I cant forgive them and I'm so angry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bestcatmum · 21/01/2023 19:49

P.s a relative just told me. She said she thought I'd want to know. I dont want to know. It's brought my life crashing down around my ears.

OP posts:
Emmamoo89 · 21/01/2023 19:50

I'm so sorry. Sending all my love and hugs x

fugly1 · 21/01/2023 19:51

Hugs, I hope your ok. This is awful, I'm not really sure what to say but couldn't read and run xx

Hoppinggreen · 21/01/2023 19:53

Bestcatmum · 21/01/2023 19:49

P.s a relative just told me. She said she thought I'd want to know. I dont want to know. It's brought my life crashing down around my ears.

Ask yourself why this person told you and whether it’s definitely true.

LIZS · 21/01/2023 19:54

How reliable is relative, might they have an agenda to upset you either b6 making it up or deciding to tell you now?

Inca22 · 21/01/2023 19:54

Gosh I'm so, so sorry. Although I can't imagine why someone would want to share that with you after so long. The biggest un-Mumsnet hug. If what you have been told was true, your mum was evil. And there's nothing you can do about evil people.

Bowbellsx · 21/01/2023 19:55

❤️

WedonttalkaboutMaureen · 21/01/2023 19:57

I would question why that relative is telling you now. Are they hoping to benefit from an inheritance if you fall out with your, presumably now quite elderly, Mum?

Nimbostratus100 · 21/01/2023 19:58

Thats horrible - I am so sorry. WHy is your relative stirring it now?

Judgyjudgy · 21/01/2023 20:09

I'm so sorry to hear OP 💗
I would also question why the relative had told you, I would think it would be kinder to keep it a secret

Original poster
Bestcatmum · 21/01/2023 20:12

Shes very religious snd said its been weighing on her for years and she felt I should know. I know its true. When I confronted my mother with it she went bright red and didn't deny it. I left the house and haven't been back since.

OP posts:
wormshuffled · 21/01/2023 20:13

That's very very shit, however just think how much your life would have been if they had stayed in your life.
Forget them, they are not worth your feelings. X

Cileymyrus · 21/01/2023 20:14

did you not suspect?

it’s not normal to be sent to boarding school and not see your parents again until they retired. How many years?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 21/01/2023 20:25

Oh, no. What a horrible shock. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
My suggestion is therapy, of course. You need help to process this abandonment and neglect. And I also suggest trying to discuss it with your mother again. You will still need an explanation and apology. You may not get it but you'll need to know you gave her the opportunity. You'll also beed to be able to express tour hurt to her. Life now is short. Please act. 🌹

Nowdontmakeamess · 21/01/2023 20:29

What an awful thing to find out. But then they were terrible to abandon you when you were older anyway. Sounds like your mum wanted you around as she got older. At least now you won’t waste anymore time on her, she certainly doesn’t deserve it.

If this new information has had such a triggering effect it might be worth having some counselling. You may have thought your childhood doesn’t impact you anymore but you clearly (& quite reasonably) have a lot of hurt/anger around how you were treated.

LynetteScavo · 21/01/2023 20:38

I agree that counselling could help you. There must be even more to this if this piece of info has had such an impact. Sad

You say you didn't see your parents from when you started boarding school at 15ish until the retired- unless they retired very young that is a long time. It all sounds very complex, and I hope you can find some peace with the situation.

catfunk · 21/01/2023 20:47

Please try to see a therapist op, there are specialists who help with boarding school trauma and the feeling of neglect that comes with it, that sounds like it would be helpful for you.
Have you managed to have a happy life/ meaningful relationships despite this?

Hoppinggreen · 21/01/2023 20:58

Is there a possibility that your step dad was abusive and your Mum didn’t feel she had a choice?
I am not trying to justify it, just to suggest there might have been a reason your Mum agreed to it while still loving you

Cocobutt · 21/01/2023 20:59

How awful!

Dymaxion · 21/01/2023 21:11

If you are in your sixties , I am guessing your Mum is in her eighties ? things were very different back when she was a young women and options were far more limited. You don't mention your Father or his family ?
Like others I am suspicious of a relative who has chosen this point in time to orchestrate you falling out with your Mum for 'religious reasons'.

hopeahead · 21/01/2023 21:11

That was awful to read. Im so sorry for you ❤️

IAmAlreadyRegrettingMyGreyColourScheme · 21/01/2023 21:12

What awful people. I'm so sorry you ended up with them as parents. You deserved so much more.

Msgrieves · 21/01/2023 21:16

Holy crap that is such a trauma to be dumped on you. Not sure your relative was in the right. So sorry.

Unsure33 · 21/01/2023 21:20

So are you saying you never saw them in school holidays ? Or when you left school? Before this news how was your more recent relationship?

Wonnle · 21/01/2023 21:24

Mmmmmm...........