Devastated

[Bestcatmum]

I was taken abroad by my mother and stepfather when I was quite young. I always knew my stepfather hated me. They told me they were sending me back to the UK to visit some relatives, I was 13. I thought this was odd but anyway it would have been nice to see my relatives again. What I didn't know was that they had arranged for me to be taken into care and never to go back home again.
My mother was pregnant with his twins when I was due to go.
They weren't planning on telling me.
Anyway their plans were scuppered when that relative suddenly died so I couldn't go back.
I couldn't think why my stepfather was so angry and banged and shouted for days.
I'm in my 60s now and I was just so shocked. I cant see my mother again. I'm going to dump her like a stone just like she planned to dump me.
They got rid of me a couple of years later. Put me in boarding school and I didn't see them again until they retired.
I cant forgive them and I'm so angry.

So your relative got rid of their own anxieties and dumped them onto you.

I'm not following the timelines - if you left boarding school at (say) 18, were your mum and stepdad retired at that point?

So sorry op. Imo you make damn sure you live your life for you from now on.
And fuck them...

That’s awful, I’m so sorry

Still very cynical about the relative. What do they stand to gain from upsetting you 40+ years later?

What has your relationship in adulthood been like with your mother? Is your stepfather still alive and with your mum?

While your mother is still alive you have the opportunity to say your piece about how she treated you. Use it.

Your relative really hasn't done you any favours but if she knew for whatever reason it was inevitable you would find out after your mum passed then maybe having the opportunity to vent at your mother was in her mind...but I'm stretching here.

This overall is awful and utterly devastating but remember this is their evil and no reflection on you. Don't blame you never wanting to cross their door again.

I would question why that relative is telling you now. Are they hoping to benefit from an inheritance if you fall out with your, presumably now quite elderly, Mum?

They have kept this alleged secret for decades so I'd also question why now and money would be my suspicion too.

What was your relationship like with your mum up to this point? It sounds like you didn't see them for years when you went to boarding school.....you must have known that was unusual?

I'm so sorry, you didn't need to know this, some things need to be left unsaid. I'm 65 now, and when my Mum died in 2000 I was 45. My aunt told me something I didn't need to know, and it changed everything.

I hope you have some support to help you through this.

Had a similar experience. From the age of 8 :

Stepfather right at the end of his life, even though i'd suffered 30 years with severe fibromyalgia and own it, he still thought I was making it up!!

I always thought we were close. But in reality (if there is one) I could never be more alone, even in a room with a hundred friends. Simply because of him and his secret hate.

In life: people are what they experience, but you can remove yourself from that pain and misery by calling on Jehovah. Now I know i'm never alone.

Boarding school isn’t prison - where did you go for exeats and school holidays? Where did you go when you left school at 18 (or 16)? Your mother must have had contact with the school, and you while you were there? This doesn’t make sense.

If you’re in your 60s your mother is elderly. Independent or are you involved in her care?