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Original poster

Why don't people stop to help anymore?

121 replies

WrendaleCountryDogs · 18/01/2023 09:58

I've just been driving and came to a set of cross roads on narrowish roads. A car was stopped with it's hazards on. Other cars mounting pavement to get passed. As I get closer I realise the driver, a young early 20s woman was stood outside the car visibly upset. I put my hazards on behind her and ask if I can help. Car stalled and now won't start. She doesn't have break down. She's got baby in the back. She's tried ringing 3 different family members and nobody answering.
Now I'm 35, female, and recovering from a slipped disc in my back.
I quickly manoeuvre my car more safely behind hers so other cars can pass, tell her to get back in her car and release the hand break and I'll try to push the car across the cross roads to a grassy area . This means pushing the car across traffic. Thankfully it'd a 30mph road going through a village. Fair amount of cars around though as its just been school drop off time and another road is flooded meaning cars are diverting to this road.

Anyway to cut a long story short, I struggled to push the car on my own. So so so many cars drove past, still mounting pavement to get past, people looking at us (I realise it possibly looked like we'd had a bump with me being behind her car). I'm not sexist at all but so many men looked and didn't help.
Eventually a man with a dog out walking saw us and came over to help and we got the car safely onto the grass.

It took a good 10 minutes from me pulling up to us getting her safely across the road. My back is hurting a lot again now. But I couldn't just leave somebody. Certainly not a young woman.

Why don't people help any more? I get it was school time, people have to get to work etc but there could easily have been an accident.

OP posts:
Original poster
WrendaleCountryDogs · 18/01/2023 09:59

Oh and the lovely man with the equally lovely dog just happened to be a retired mechanic and was last seen with his head in the ladies bonnet!

OP posts:
QuertyGirl · 18/01/2023 09:59

People are too busy.

Their priorities are utterly screwed.

lifeinthehills · 18/01/2023 10:02

I think there's also been too many cases where these kind of scenarios have been set up in order to rob people. I admit I'm more wary of stopping to help. I hope most people have roadside assistance available or a friend or family member they can call.

DismantledKing · 18/01/2023 10:05

You mean ‘why didn’t people stop in this one particular instance’, and then extrapolated it to our entire society?

sammassammas · 18/01/2023 10:06

If I have the kids j the car it's far too dangerous to stop anywhere remotely out of the ordinary. Ther are so many idiot drivers not paying proper attention.
If I'm on my own as a large male it's far too socially risky nowadays to stop and help a lone female.

LadyKenya · 18/01/2023 10:07

Many men would be wary of stopping to help a lone female. That is to be expected now, unfortunately.

Xrays · 18/01/2023 10:08

I live in Norfolk and we have a really good community in my town and everyone always helps everyone out - lots of posts on our facebook community page thanking others for stopping to help in similar situations etc. So it’s not everywhere.

She was very lucky you helped, you’re a nice person.

But she should have had breakdown cover. Everyone should…!

SpinningFloppa · 18/01/2023 10:08

I wouldn’t have stopped

readingismycardio · 18/01/2023 10:09

I almost always stop. Even for car crashes if I can give first aid. If I see there's plenty of people already there, I don'tx

WetBandits · 18/01/2023 10:11

sammassammas · 18/01/2023 10:06

If I have the kids j the car it's far too dangerous to stop anywhere remotely out of the ordinary. Ther are so many idiot drivers not paying proper attention.
If I'm on my own as a large male it's far too socially risky nowadays to stop and help a lone female.

On a busy crossroads when you would be outside of the car helping to push it?

If my DP didn’t stop to at least offer help (even if told to go away!) because he was worried about it being ‘socially risky’ then it would honestly cloud my opinion of him, but he’d stop every time in a situation like this. He does, however, cross to the other side of the road if he’s walking the dog at night and there’s a woman walking alone ahead of him as he doesn’t want to intimidate or frighten anyone.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 18/01/2023 10:12

DismantledKing · 18/01/2023 10:05

You mean ‘why didn’t people stop in this one particular instance’, and then extrapolated it to our entire society?

Yes, I had a breakdown with tyre blowout last year and three different sets of people stopped to help (breakdown service and police were already on their way)

WetBandits · 18/01/2023 10:12

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

WetBandits · 18/01/2023 10:13

Sorry, to clarify the above: I would rather he stopped and then be told to go away, not stopped despite being told to go away! Important distinction Blush

Tamarindtree · 18/01/2023 10:13

On that one occasion maybe but I’ve not noticed any unwillingness from anyone wanting to help someone who has broken down. Especially from men knowledgeable about cars who have helped me on a couple of occasions when I’ve had car trouble and had to pull over.

My contribution to helping has been to earn the driver who is stranded to get themselves away from the car and up on higher ground if appropriate and to offer my phone.

meetmeatmidnights · 18/01/2023 10:14

I'd assume driving past that two people dealing with it was enough (you and her) then a passer by did also stop to help. I wouldn't want to also cause a hazard by parking up another vehicle to get out and get involved in a situation that looked like it was being handled already. Especially on already narrow roads.

DanseAvecLesLoups · 18/01/2023 10:14

Sadly I knew a man who assisted a woman with a flat tyre and got struck and killed by a passing car when trying to change the wheel. I have changed a flat tyre on the motorway and that was pretty terrifying. And yes, the loan 'damsel in distress' routine is a known scam. Most people these days just assume that the person stuck is waiting for breakdown recovery to turn up.

Vallmo47 · 18/01/2023 10:14

This is impossible to judge without walking a mile in other peoples shoes … but I do understand and share your frustration that people seem to be more focused on themselves since covid. That is just my opinion- people are so utterly fed up, have a lot on their own plates, cannot afford to be late for work/school runs etc due to the risk of potentially losing their jobs etc. Everything going on in the world ties in to how we as a nation respond to incidents. If I stopped to help, would it make me late for work due to all the road works everywhere, if I was late for work after I had to take time off work last week and the week before due to sick kids, would I lose my job? If my kids are late for school again, will it affect their attendance? Could someone hurt my children if this was in fact a criminal if I stop to help? What if they stole my car and drove off?? If it’s innocent, would my boss believe that I had to stop and help this lady?… And like another poster said, criminals stop at no lengths to try and scam you. A young lady on her own with a broken down vehicle, then a group of men jumps up and attacks you out of nowhere.
There are many reasons why people are more reluctant to help, and they’re not all selfish.

But in general I do agree that people have become more frustrated/angry/argumentative lately. It’s the unfortunate side effects of the state of the world we live in. People shouldn’t take it out on each other but if you’re constantly worrying about health and financial matters, eventually it does get to you.

BooksAndHooks · 18/01/2023 10:15

Our local council are running a course about stopping to help and not just be a bystander, and how to do so safely.

I have noticed many times when someone does help it is a woman. Don’t know if it’s a coincidence but something I’ve definitely noticed with the rise in mugging, fights etc.

Dacadactyl · 18/01/2023 10:15

I would have tried to flag down a passing vehicle in both of your shoes and asked outright if someone else could help. But I agree you shouldn't have to.

Suzi888 · 18/01/2023 10:16

DismantledKing · 18/01/2023 10:05

You mean ‘why didn’t people stop in this one particular instance’, and then extrapolated it to our entire society?

No I agree with OP. People are selfish these days.

I would’ve helped OP and have done. 💪🏼

CentrifugalBumblePuppy · 18/01/2023 10:17

If we see anyone, especially a woman with kids in this situation, we’ve offered help. I can’t drive so I’ve been with my husband, a woman or couple approaching is perceived as less threatening I think.

He has helped lone women, but he’s always flagged down another car for help as he’s wary of approaching on his own.

We’ve also stopped to offer first aid, the number of people who’ll get their phones out to film just astonishes me.

I don’t know if it’s because people are wary of offering help in case they are accused of wrongdoing, or they’re so consumed by their own lives they simply don’t register that someone needs help.

unclebuck · 18/01/2023 10:19

I still stop and help.
This is despite being treated appalling by the London transport police when I helped a woman who had a seizure on the train.

watcherintherye · 18/01/2023 10:22

Also, people these days (in the UK, anyway - wonder if it’s different elsewhere?) are hard-wired not to interfere and to mind their own business. Usually gets overridden when confronted directly with an emergency, especially if no-one else is helping, but I think there is a tendency to let others get on with things, if the situation appears to be being dealt with already.

Dancingfairydreams · 18/01/2023 10:23

I agree, we had a near miss on the motorway driving home after Christmas. Horrible rain, bloke just lost control, spun out across all lanes, hit Central reservation, ended up facing wrong way blocking lane one. At least 4 of us had to take evasive action...but only we stopped. I couldn't belive it. I appreciate you are putting self at risk, especially on a motorway, buy he could have been seriously injured or worse & everyone else just carried on. Sad times.

DanseAvecLesLoups · 18/01/2023 10:25

On that one occasion maybe but I’ve not noticed any unwillingness from anyone wanting to help someone who has broken down. Especially from men knowledgeable about cars who have helped me on a couple of occasions when I’ve had car trouble and had to pull over.

Most men are not knowledgeable about cars insofar as being able to effect roadside repairs despite what they might claim. Modern cars are also way more complex then a few decades ago and gone are the days where a mechanical fault could be easily identified. These days most faults are electrical/engine management system related and you need a laptop to find out what is wrong.