Fair Division of housework

[Phenolet]

My husband and I share the household chores. I feel like the way it's split now works for us and we don't complain, but I'm wondering if you think the following is fair. MIL thinks DH does too much 🙄.

Me
Kitchen Clean
Dishes washed and put away
Bathroom clean
Living room Dust
Hall Dust
2 bedrooms Dust
Tidying up

DH
Food shopping
Cooking
Laundry
Bin out
Hoovering
Mop floors
Change bedding

Yes it does seem quite unbalanced to me - the kitchen and bathroom cleaning are laborious definitely but the other items on your list feel quite light….eg. I’d dust the whole downstairs once a week as I pottered around with the tv on, and Im always tidying by default really.
in contrast, laundry is done at least once a day in this house, cooking is a pretty big daily chore….and the hoovering, mopping and bed changing are the most heavy duty of all chores!!
Do you both work and equal amount and split childcare evenly?

I think that's a very even split if you both work the same amount of hours.

If one of you works less than the other then I'd say one of you is doing too much.

He is doing way more than you.

The three big jobs in a house I would see as:

Cooking/food shopping
Laundry including putting away
Cleaning

He is doing two and a half of those

It’s an even split if you think you spend an even amount of time on them. Cooking would take quite a lot more time for us and I almost never dust (am slovenly). But it could be even. Do you both find it fair? Is it not wearing for one person to cook all the time?

Depends on whether you work or not and if you have kids.

If you don't work and have no kids then yes, your dh is doing too much.

If you work full time and he's doesn't work at all then he's not doing enough.

If you both work and share childcare if you have DC, then it seems a fair division

He’s doing a lot more than you

I think you have 2 things that if you skipped the next day would be more onerous

cleaning kitchen and tidying

He has 4.
Cooking/bins out/hoovering and laundry.

We have similar but switch cooking/food shopping for cleaning the ktichen. Or you could switch out sometihng for laundry

Do you both work the same amount of hours? I think your DH does more than you. Does he cook every night? His jobs are all the harder ones compared to yours.

It's sort of telling that you had to separate dusting into three lines to get a list that looked the same length as his.

I do all the cooking and food shopping in our house and I find it disproportionately time consuming. I mean obviously it depends how much time the total chores actually take you both in your particular circumstances but I’m not surprised your DH is a bit annoyed tbh.

He’s doing way more than you. It’s none of MIL’s business but I’d be feeling mugged off in his shoes.

How is laundry one job but dusting is listed 3 times? Laundry involves several steps and needs doing multiple times a week.

We both work the same hours and both split childcare for our dd.

We do help each other out too. I sometimes do the laundry or mop the floors, and he sometimes does the dishes and things. Sometimes we both go round the supermarket etc.

He enjoys cooking generally but we usually get a takeaway once a week and go out for dinner once or twice a month. He changes the beds once or twice a fortnight. Laundry is usually twice a week.

Interesting opinions though. Maybe he is doing slightly too much. Lots to think about. Thanks for your responses.

Surely if you dust rooms, you Hoover them at the same time, otherwise all you are doing is moving dust around

I'd say if you took laundry from his list, you'd be perfectly balanced!

If you are going to split dusting over 3 lines/jobs then you should have cooking Monday, cooking Tuesday, cooking Wednesday etc as seperate jobs! I can dust a largev4 bed in the same time it takes me to cook one meal. Maybe you could put times against all jobs and have a rejig.

He does more. He has more of the onerous, time consuming tasks than you (cooking, laundry etc). Also if you’re splitting dusting by rooms on your list, why isn’t hoovering split by rooms on his list?

I'd much rather do your list than his list!

If you take on laundry and hoovering it would be fair

But as is he is doing way more.

Agree that he's doing way more. The shopping, cooking and laundry are in my opinion the more onerous tasks and he has them all.

Who the feck actually dusts??

So what if he’s doing more? Perhaps he likes it. No one bats and eyelid when men ‘help a bit’ - in fact they often get a medal and the violins. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Not only does he have the shit jobs, they are also the biggest. Fannying about wiping the sides in the kitchen and dusting are the jobs I can do while on the phone. If he stopped doing his, your house would be a midden.

Interesting...I see it as you've got the harder jobs!
Tidying up (constant with a DC)
Bathroom - time consuming
Kitchen - time consuming

vs.

Food shop - gets you out of the house
Laundry - folding can be done while watching TV
Cooking - listen to radio in kitchen with no DC about

Why don't you both fully swap for a week and come together at the end to discuss?

Dh and I don't split chores (aside from he does the wheelie bins, and I do the bedsheets).

We just do what needs doing when we see it needs doing.

I'd say he's doing more. Food shopping, prep and laundry are the three big ones. But if that's the way you guys are happy doing it, then MIL needs to keep her opinions to herself.