Fair Division of housework

[Phenolet]

My husband and I share the household chores. I feel like the way it's split now works for us and we don't complain, but I'm wondering if you think the following is fair. MIL thinks DH does too much 🙄.

Me
Kitchen Clean
Dishes washed and put away
Bathroom clean
Living room Dust
Hall Dust
2 bedrooms Dust
Tidying up

DH
Food shopping
Cooking
Laundry
Bin out
Hoovering
Mop floors
Change bedding

Seeing these lists really puts into perspective how little my ex did. I did everything on both those lists, plus working three days a week and all night time feeds/wake ups for two kids. There was actually less to do once he left. If you’re both happy with the current split I would keep it.

I should have said above that although he’s undoubtedly doing more, if you’re both happy with the split then what’s the issue? Just keep doing what you’re doing and ignore his mum.

Probably not what you want to hear but
If you’re both happy with the division of labour what does it have to do with the MIL

Funnily enough he thinks I do slightly more than him. Probably because I can be quite particular in my jobs (when I say dusting I mean cleaning first, including skirting boards, nooks and crannies and doors) and deep cleaning kitchen.

He usually takes about 20-45 minutes to cook dinner, while I entertain toddler and his other jobs don't seem to take him long.

Points taken though. New split will be,

Me
Clean kitchen
Clean bathroom
Clean & dust living room, hall & bedrooms
Dishes
Tidying
Hoovering
Mopping
Bin out

DH
Food shopping
Laundry (I'll put the clothes away once they're dried)
Cooking
Changing bedding once a week

I think he should do laundry from start to finish, which includes putting away. Then your new list would be perfectly balanced.

😆seems we are in the minority. He enjoys cooking and the supermarket is a 5 minute walk away. I feel like I'm constantly doing housework.

I'm going to take on more chores though as per previous post. We'll see how it goes!

Surely it's not about making a list and comparing it but more about having equal amount of down time.

Although, I think time wise I do more but wouldn't swap with DH who does all the cooking. I'd prefer to do more tidying than cooking. So think I've just contradicted myself. If you both feel it's fair then surely that's fine.

“I'm going to take on more chores though as per previous post. We'll see how it goes!”

Why? Good God, what is this campaign of female guilt to shield the poor menz from any domestic burden for their own homes and children? 🙄 I swear women are their own worst enemies!

Why take on more if you’re both happy with the current split? Doesn’t make any sense.

Bathroom doesn't need to done daily and doesn't take long.

Cooking takes ages and needs to be done regularly, same with laundry!

Guilt I suppose, given the reactions from posters here. I wish we could afford a weekly cleaner and then split the remaining chores. Ultimate dream!

To be honest we both let the place go to shit for a long while, blaming tiredness with the baby and ordered takeaways several times a week. It's only fairly recently (in the last few months) that we've decided to get our act together and keep a clean, tidy home. Previously we'd only do the bare minimum and rush around tidying when we had visitors coming that day. It's better for our mental health to keep on top of it more and something we're both keen to master!

No need to feel guilty based on the reactions of strangers. Your DH is happy with the current scenario, no need to make any changes.

It's interesting hearing different views. For me the DH has all the jobs which you can't let slide - with the possible exception of the tidying - whereas the OP has the ones which can be done whenever you want or can be put off by a few days without it being like having no food/clean clothes

I think if you are doing a full deep clean dust so wiping the skirting boards then the first list is fine. Otherwise maybe split the laundry by between you. There are other jobs though - who does most the looking after the toddler, who does all the bills and house/ child admin? Is that shared to? In the end if it works for you both then it's none of your mil's business.

Well are you sitting --smoking a fag-- relaxing whilst he struggles in from the supermarket and hoovers round your feet?
If you are both housework busy it's fair regardless of who does what.

I would prefer to split the jobs between you rather than divide like this. The trouble is that a job done all the time seems relentless. Cooking may take no longer than tidying, but it feels more relentless. You have the option not to tidy (or tidy less well) but everyone always wants to eat!

The fact that the other has to amuse a toddler while the job is going on, also makes it harder to divide. There are definitely times when getting away from a toddler is to be preferred :)

Personally I'd split the cooking and laundry, and alternate one person tidying before bedtime (make sure DC helps) while the other cleans the kitchen after dinner.
I also think dusting and hoovering make more sense as a job for the same person :)

The other day I got up with toddler while dh slept in til 2pm (he didnt sleep well the night before).
I played with toddler, made her breakfast and lunch and washed and put away those dishes.

Cleaned and disinfected kitchen including cupboards, tiles, kickboards. Cleaned and disinfected inside fridge.Took binbag out of bin and put it in the hall for dh to take out later. Washed bin.

As toddler napped I tidied away toys, cleaned the dining table, dusted living room including skirting. Dusted hall skirting, mirror, bannister. Then I cleaned the bathroom.

DH came downstairs about 2pm with the laundry basket and put on washing (then hung it up or put it in the dryer later).

He asked if I fancied ordering a pizza as he couldn't be arsed cooking. I was pleased to avoid dishes!

Then we both bathed toddler. As I got her ready for bed and read her stories, dh hoovered the place using the lightweight cordless hoover and then went over the floors (kitchen, bathroom and living room) with a flash speedmop. Then about 8.30 he went to the supermarket for a few things while I relaxed. We both put away the shopping on his return.

Tomorrow I plan to deep clean the bedrooms. Dh will put on the fresh bedding while I put toddler to bed.

In the next few days I want to clean the oven, organise kitchen drawers and cupboards (they're practically overflowing). We need to do a clear out and throw things away.

Feeling like a bit of a failure to be honest. It shouldn't take this much out of me when dh has the harder tasks. Cooking does take a while but he's clever with it. He sometimes makes double portions of whatever he's making (pasta, curry) to heat up later in the week. I feel guilty that I'm not doing enough with the toddler.

I'm going to check out the organised mum method as I've heard good things. Maybe it'll help me take on more chores and save a bunch of time.

I couldn’t imagine a life where one person always does the cooking and one always does the cleaning up. I think I’d find that boring- do you never fancy cooking? Does he just leave all the dishes for you every time? That would also feel a bit weird.

We tend to mix and match though I generally tend to do more of the cooking, and he is much better than me at remembering to put laundry on.

Neither of us really do dusting though, once in a blue moon! Maybe your standards are too high?

Your standards sound way too high!

How often are you doing things like the skirting boards?

@Phenolet your place sounds immaculately kept between you tbh. Think you're doing way more than your average parents with toddlers would do!

Thanks. The place was really terrible before so maybe we've gone too much the other way and need to chill out a bit.

When I clean a room I try to clean it top to bottom and leave it immaculate. Previous posters are right though, there's no need to do the skirting every week. More balance is needed for both of us. Housework is boring anyway but as long as the basics are done it's fine