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Original poster

Now I get why you turned lesbian! 🙄

36 replies

TexLex · 17/01/2023 14:03

Hello,

So 3 people have said this to me over the past few months and it's driving me a bit mad.

With so much shocking news about men recently, I've had this comment thrown at me several times. A couple have said it more than once and it's really starting to bug me.

Firstly, I am not a lesbian. If I had to give myself a label, I'd say I was bisexual, but I am married to a woman. I am still attracted to men. My friends know this. Anyway, what does this comment mean? Dw, who has had the same comments previously, gets particularly offended, because she is a lesbian and never turned. She just is. She isn't gay because there are lots of horrible men around. She is just not attracted to them. Never has been.

As I said, my friends (and mum) who are saying this know I'm not a lesbian. Can they really not see how offensive this is?

I didn't make a decision to find women attractive because I was sick of men.

Anyway, just having a little rant really. Be interesting to hear if anyone else (gay/bi etc) have received this kind of infuriating comment before.

OP posts:
SecretVictoria · 17/01/2023 14:11

Years ago, Jodie Marsh had a relationship with a woman. I remembered in an interview she said something like “I’m sick of men so I’m turning lesbian”. I remember thinking how incredibly offensive that was. Unfortunately, people read shit like that and go “Ah! We knew it was that simple!” 🙄

Original poster
TexLex · 17/01/2023 14:16

@SecretVictoria Ah, think I remember. Such a bizarre and damaging thing to say.

OP posts:
HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 17/01/2023 14:26

People struggle with bisexuality. They think that when a woman is in a relationship with a man they are heterosexual and when they are in a relationship with a woman they are a lesbian.

They can't see who you desire and base their simple judgment on your current relationship (or previous / most common partner selection when single).

I think monogamous bisexuals get recategorised into straight/gay and have a hard time because of this.

Alexandernevermind · 17/01/2023 14:29

They are almost treating it like a phase or even a diet!

clutchingatpearls · 17/01/2023 14:29

I think women are far more bendy than men, and in a way one can decide to explore same-sex relationships.

But yes, 'turning lesbian' would feel insulting to me, because I am one of those people who knew their orientation from a very young age. It didn't feel like a choice.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 17/01/2023 14:35

I think they're very clumsily saying the news about abusive men is scary.
Loads of people say stuff without really thinking about what they're actually saying, and whether it's a trope based on false misconceptions which are actually insulting.
Annoying and tiresome and ignorant, but at least you know the level of thought they give stuff so you can give them a swerve for anything more than surface level interaction.

MissWings · 17/01/2023 14:36

I think you’re reading too much into it and making a mountain out of a molehill.

butterfliedtwo · 17/01/2023 14:38

People don't get bisexuality. It's tiring. I don't blame you being annoyed.

Original poster
TexLex · 17/01/2023 14:47

@HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow Yes, I think you're right.

@clutchingatpearls I know what you're saying and I know there are women who 'give it a go' because they've had no luck with men, but if they're not attracted to them then it's never going to happen. Well, not more than once perhaps 😂 Thing is though, they all know this isn't me or my dw!

@MissWings I really don't think I am. It may be quite low level and without bad intent, but it's still incredibly irritating.

OP posts:
Original poster
TexLex · 17/01/2023 14:51

@butterfliedtwo It's really not that hard to grasp is it?
Bi = 2

Sexuality = who you're sexually attracted to.

OP posts:
BigHeadBertha · 17/01/2023 14:53

Personally, I would assume they were joking.

DoggyDwelling · 17/01/2023 15:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
TexLex · 17/01/2023 15:10

@DoggyDwelling I wonder if you're my friend 😂 Glad you call it out. I know I give an eyebrow raise and a look, buy I guess I should probably make more of a point out of it. I have with my mum, as she has now said it several times. I said that she knew I wasn't and it's not really like it, is it and she said "oh, you know what I mean!". Errm nope. I really don't. I'm not looking to be offended. I'm not easily offended, but it's just not accurate in any way.

OP posts:
DevonSunsets · 17/01/2023 15:24

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 17/01/2023 14:26

People struggle with bisexuality. They think that when a woman is in a relationship with a man they are heterosexual and when they are in a relationship with a woman they are a lesbian.

They can't see who you desire and base their simple judgment on your current relationship (or previous / most common partner selection when single).

I think monogamous bisexuals get recategorised into straight/gay and have a hard time because of this.

I have realised I do this mental 'allocation', if you will. I've never realised it. Thank you for opening my eyes.

Bagpuss2022 · 17/01/2023 15:25

I’m bisexual but married to a man for many years it is annoying but just like my mixed nephews sad that you just get used to ignorant comments

Mirabai · 17/01/2023 15:27

Well of course a woman’s sexuality would revolve around men, what doesn’t?

butterfliedtwo · 17/01/2023 15:29

TexLex · 17/01/2023 14:51

@butterfliedtwo It's really not that hard to grasp is it?
Bi = 2

Sexuality = who you're sexually attracted to.

Yep. I've had the same said many times.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/01/2023 15:30

I wonder if it's a little bit complicated. There are stages in friendships and they become more forgiving and trusting over time. If a gay friend made a joke like this to me (and at least one would) I'd feel that they trusted me. I was emotionally intimate with them. And if I could make a joke back, that would feel even closer. Because I would trust that they KNEW it was a joke and that it is funny in part because it would be inconceivable that I actually believed it.

A bit like Harry Enfield's women know your limits. It's funny because I firmly believe he doesn't think that.

I'm not sure I'm explaining it well but I think it's a sign that they trust you know their intent. Or they could just be wankers. You'd know best.

BudgetBeatrice · 17/01/2023 15:32

Ugh, they sound like total idiots. Also @Mirabai is spot on. Of course women fancying women is all about... men Hmm

MissWings · 17/01/2023 15:51

@DoggyDwelling

Please move on you absolute stalker 😂.

I actually agree with a poster who made the point that if you were intimate with the person who made the comment you would know whether it was just an innocent comment or if they were being a twat. I guess only you would know that OP. If you’re genuinely good friends with them then yes I do think people can get offended over anything these days.

DoggyDwelling · 17/01/2023 15:57

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BuffyFanForever · 17/01/2023 16:23

Yep get this often and it’s annoying. Not quite as bad as when women have suggested I’m a lesbian because I can’t manage to get a man interested 🙄

MissWings · 17/01/2023 16:26

@DoggyDwelling

Vile things about your daughter? Please do put up the screen shots. I was discussing the terms ND and NT and at no single point did I refer to somebodies daughter. I mentioned that a child faces huge barriers in getting EHCPs etc. Good grief you are not all there in the head are you with an actual mumsnet shit list. What an awful user you are. Viscious.

MissWings · 17/01/2023 16:29

And it is very, very bizarre to be screenshotting mumsnet threads. Personally this does not sound like a healthy place for you. People will have different opinions.

LlynTegid · 17/01/2023 16:35

A man who has a relationship with another man, having previously had relationships with women, does not get the same comments.

Seems double standards to me.