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Original poster

Would you get a piercing if you DH/DP said he wouldn’t like it?

59 replies

Itsallfallingout2 · 15/01/2023 21:06

Have been desperate to get my nose pierced for years and haven’t had a chance due to pregnancy and breastfeeding etc. I’m now considering getting it once I’m finished breastfeeding my second Dd. DH has said he hates the idea of it. Tbh he doesn’t compliment me anyway so not much will change in that regard! Would you do it? Not sure if it’s an early onset midlife crisis as I am turning 30 very soon!

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 15/01/2023 21:32

nc1013 · 15/01/2023 21:29

To all the people saying straight "no" or "no, i wouldn't", do you mean in general you wouldn't want to get your nose pierced (for whatever reason) or do you mean you wouldn't do something to your appearance because your DP/DH wouldn't like it?

I mean I wouldn't do it if he said he wouldn't like it.

Just like I would expect him to respect my opinion enough not to get a tattoo/piercing himself if I didn't want him to.

AliceLiddle · 15/01/2023 21:32

Soooo my last piercing I text my husband who was in Yorkshire where we live, from Brighton where I was staying with my sister for a work trip, to inform him I had just got an industrial piercing. His response was ‘ok’ followed by a message saying dsd liked it and was jealous. He has no piercings or tattoos, I have several of both!

I didn’t even run it past him, just presented it as a fait acomplis and he gave literally no shits.

HundredMilesAnHour · 15/01/2023 21:33

Tricky one. No-one tells me what to do (or it goes very badly for them) but if my partner got a nose piercing (or tattoo), that would quite probably be a dealbreaker for me. As such, I'd try not to be a hypocrite so wouldn't go ahead with an appearance change if it was something that they really hated - unless it meant so much to me that it was the hill I was prepared to die on.

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Beauty
IveForgottenAgainFFS · 15/01/2023 21:37

I would def think long and hard before getting something very noticeable done to my appearance that my DH says he wouldn't like because I respect him and would expect him to the same for me.

But its your body and you need boundaries. Can he also tell you he doesn't like your hair short, you with public hair, in trousers or whatever? What would be the difference.

Anyway a nose piercing could be very temporary if you wanted to see what he thought once it's done so I'd see no harm in going for it.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/01/2023 21:40

No I wouldn’t.

GenialHarryGr0ut · 15/01/2023 21:40

Yes - DH isn't keen on tattoos and piercings.
I have 5 tattoos and a dozen piercings.
He would never tell me not to - just says he would never have any. And once they are done he always says they look great.

Aloezebra · 15/01/2023 21:41

I have! Got my nose pierced and my partner at the time didn’t like the idea much at all, I thought about it and decided that I didn’t want the only reason I didn’t do something with my body was because someone else told me not to.

No regrets, I love mine

StillMedusa · 15/01/2023 21:44

Yes.
I got my nose done 2 months ago...and I'm 55 Grin Dh has no piercings or tattoos but after 34 years together he knows better than to express an opinion on what I do with my body or hair!

Side note... at first they usually put an L shaped stud in, and the stud is a little bigger than the ones you can wear later. You aren't supposed to change it for about 4-6 months as noses take ages to heal. So far mine has been whacked out once (I work in Special Ed), I've knocked it out once, and last week I lost it in the night and had to shove the 'smaller bought for when it's healed' screw stud in (ouch, but it does look nicer)
Then this morning I somehow caught THAT on my fleece duvet and made it bleed again. Each time I've knocked it it looks a bit grim and gets a little bump that takes a week or so to go down... they are sensitive! Just something to bear in mind if you are a klutz like me!

I was advised to JUST squirt it with Neilmed salt spray..no 'cleaning with a cotton bud' or anything... just leave it the hell alone :)

Original poster
Itsallfallingout2 · 15/01/2023 21:45

Ahh! Didn’t expect so many responses so quickly!

to answer a few questions - if it was the other way round I would of course support him! He also would not ask my opinion on stuff like this I don’t think. Even if It’s something I don’t like I would keep my mouth shut so I wouldn’t make him feel insecure. It is his body at the end of the day!

I’m not sure why he doesnt compliment me. He used to when we were first dating, but tbh has never been big on it! He’s not a very affectionate type of person and shows love in other ways (coffee in the morning etc). Used to bother me but not so much now! I admittedly don’t get dressed up very often so that doesn’t give him much opportunity to!

the piercing studio near me won’t pierce if you’re still breastfeeding, I think it’s something to do with the fact your body may be more prone to infection.

OP posts:
Aloezebra · 15/01/2023 21:45

@StillMedusa I would highly recommend visiting a piercer who offers a flat back labret rather than an L shaped stud! They’re much more secure and more suitable for healing

BigFatLiar · 15/01/2023 21:49

nc1013 · 15/01/2023 21:29

To all the people saying straight "no" or "no, i wouldn't", do you mean in general you wouldn't want to get your nose pierced (for whatever reason) or do you mean you wouldn't do something to your appearance because your DP/DH wouldn't like it?

Bit of both. I'm not really into piercing or tattoos and I know DH doesn't like them either.
Early on we talked about things we liked and didn't like. We'd neither do something that the other was truly against and I suspect we've both altered our behaviour a bit to please the other. That said he doesn't stop me but will be honest if I ask. I changed my hairstyle a couple of times and I did ask so now I know which styles he doesn't think suit me do i tend to stick to styles he likes. I think it's about being part of a couple, taking his views into account just as he takes mine into account.

Usernameisgone · 15/01/2023 21:50

Yep! My body my choice.

whiteroseredrose · 15/01/2023 22:36

No I wouldn't.

I find moustaches and beards highly unattractive so DH didn't do Movember.

He hates tattoos and piercings so even if I liked them I wouldn't do it. Why would I want to make myself highly unattractive to my DH?

He's not bothered that I'm 3 stone heavier than when we married, nor that I've not shaved my legs or worn make up in years. But that would be different.

willthatbeall · 15/01/2023 23:31

I have had a 2nd lobe piercing and a helix. I have 2mm diamond stud in each. Very very subtle. My husband hit the roof because he is needle phobic. He's a twat and it's made me view him differently and I realise how controlling he's been for so many years.

ivfbabymomma1 · 16/01/2023 07:27

Hi got my nose pierced when I was 24. A silver grey hoop. It wasn't until I was in my 30s when my dad (who I see regularly) said to me "oh you've had your nose pierced"

I'm not really sure what the point of that story was? Maybe that it doesn't stick out as much as people think?

BettyUnderswoob · 16/01/2023 07:41

I got my nose done 2 months ago...and I'm 55

Yay! I was thinking of getting mine done for my 54th birthday next month, but wondered if I was too old. Sod it, I'll do it anyway, you've inspired me!

I don't quite understand those saying they'd not want to make themselves unattractive to their partner, or those using the phrase 'dealbreaker' in relation to a small bodily modification. Does your attractiveness to your partner (and vice versa) and the very feasibility of your relationship really hang on so delicate a thread?

Roundandnour · 16/01/2023 08:03

I didn’t discuss various things - hair, piercings, tattoos etc. I just went ahead and did what I wanted to my body.

Im a huge believer in my body my choice.

I couldn’t be with someone who only liked me for my looks, afterall looks eventually can start to fade.

LolaSmiles · 16/01/2023 08:10

The fact you say he'd not ask you or take your views into account if he made any changes makes a big difference OP. In that situation I'd definitely just do it.

Listening to a partner's thoughts on something only really works if both couples are complimentary of each other in general and both share views respectfully.

Deathbyfluffy · 16/01/2023 08:17

Roundandnour · 16/01/2023 08:03

I didn’t discuss various things - hair, piercings, tattoos etc. I just went ahead and did what I wanted to my body.

Im a huge believer in my body my choice.

I couldn’t be with someone who only liked me for my looks, afterall looks eventually can start to fade.

It’s not really about choice, it’s about respect for your partner - even though it is your choice it’s still respectful to discuss things like this together and take their views into account.

I wouldn’t do something my spouse had strong views about, and neither would they.
I’d have to question a marriage where they did what they want because it’s ‘their choice’ without taking my feelings into account.

Roundandnour · 16/01/2023 08:35

Shouldn’t a partner also be respectful about what you want to do with your body?

Why should the feelings of one trump the wants of the other when it comes to body autonomy?

pizzaHeart · 16/01/2023 09:08

I would def think long and hard before getting something very noticeable done to my appearance that my DH says he wouldn't like because I respect him and would expect him to do the same for me.
This^
I think the key is very noticeable and also that you expect him to listen you. I expect my DH to listen my views on beards and moustaches, face piercings and similar. Ankle tattoo? Not so much .

thefamous5 · 16/01/2023 09:13

Yep. My husband hates my
Lip and nose piercing but my body, my choice

Beezknees · 16/01/2023 09:19

Yes I would do it. But considering I already have over 30 tattoos and 13 piercings I don't think a bloke who disliked that stuff would be in a relationship with me anyway!

IamSmarticus · 16/01/2023 09:25

I had mine done almost 12 months ago, at the grand age of 53. I didn't ask my DP's opinion, just said 'I'm getting my nose pierced' - he just said 'oh'.

TBH, I would have done it anyway, even if he said he didn't like them. It's only a small stud, not all that noticeable.

siriusblackcat · 16/01/2023 09:38

DH doesn't like piercings but doesn't comment on mine.
I'd wanted my nose pierced for years and the only thing stopping me was other people's opinions. He said to me "I don't like it but it's not my nose so why are you not doing it?"
Had it done, I love it and he said it actually suits me.