Husband not home

[worriedwifey27]

My husband had a work do this eve and said he'd be home around midnight. He then messaged on a colleague's phone around 1am saying he was drunk and his phone was locked in another office.
I missed a call from his phone an hour later as I was asleep. Haven't been able to sleep properly since as kept waking up. It's now gone 5am and he's still not home. It's so out of character so I'm now worried about him. This is because he takes our daughter to an activity on Sat morning like clockwork and would need to be In a couple of hours with her. He's a really good husband and parent I'm not worried about him cheating etc.
What do I do? How do I find him? What time is it acceptable to message the colleague who's phone he messaged me off?
My mind keep jumping to all sorts of awful scenarios.

What are you going to do?

I genuinely standing for that. He is an adult, a father and has a responsibility to not keep you awake all night at this point in your lives because he can't find his way home. As much as I admire your absolute confidence that he hasn't cheated, how on earth do you actually know?
This is not a good man, a good father or anything of the sort.

@Swissmountains yes I'm certain he hasn't cheated and you have no idea what you're talking about. Thanks for your top notch advice though.

Oh for fuck sake! I feel sorry for your presumably miserable, suffocated husband

FFS. Do you never slip up now and again?

The fact OP was so worried shows how out of character it is for him. She lives with him 24/7 for a number of years and feels he is a good partner and father. Who are you to judge otherwise from a single post?

Also, she trusts him. Why is that so hard to comprehend? Says more about your relationship and state of mind tbh

These threads always go the same way.

Loads of posters say he's having an affair. Other posters say he isn't.

He comes home contrite with some far-fetched story.

OP believes him.

The end.

It's not a contrite far fetched story. He was drunk & tired and fell asleep on a friends couch?

completely agree... you don't just fall asleep at a party becuase your tired. He was either massively drunk which is irresponsible and selfish considering he had a commitment to drive the child the next day or he was with a woman. I was once like op once so sure he wasn't cheating actually beleaved that he had transferred lipstick onto his penis himself after a woman at work has brushed up against his hand on the way to the loos.

Hm. I would have been as naive as pretty little you a few years ago. Don’t forget nice great husbands do go through dips in self esteem and you being sweet and naive is truly helpful to their cause. Hell if I drank knowing I had a commitment the following day that I had not delegated to someone else. Rubbish. It does not mean the end of your marriage like in our case, but chances are he’s out and about.

Great to hear everything is ok xx

Rubbish. I work long hours also and there’s been more than one occasion where I’ve had a few drinks and ended up conking out on a sofa at a party or friends house after 1am or 2am. I always get sleepy at that point if I’ve had a few even if I’m not drunk.

If there’s no previous or ongoing pattern of behaviour like this, it seems very OTT to paint some kind of picture of him as a bad man and a bad father. We’ve all had nights where we ended up letting our hair down more than we should, if it happens once or twice over a few years then cut him some slack - it’s not like he’s doing it every weekend or neglecting his family constantly.

he had transferred lipstick onto his penis himself after a woman at work has brushed up against his hand on the way to the loos.

I'm sorry if this was unkind but this has genuinely made me laugh very hard.

Somehow I think a story about accidental penis lipstick transfer in a fateful brush on the way to the loo is not quite the same as OP's husband's rather mundane story.

He fell asleep at a party?

Where did he sleep - on the floor of the office he got his phone out of?

Will your 4 year old even know it's Saturday and her activity day ?
If he's been drinking he won't be able to drive.

I’m generally not one to leap to the conclusion of cheating, even though I would be annoyed anyway, but his story doesn’t add up.

First he texts you from someone else’s phone saying his phone is locked in an office and he can’t get to it. Then you have a missed call from the phone locked in the office, and then, he apparently left the office, without communicating to you that he was going back to someone’s house, where he apparently fell asleep.

Sorry but this is dodgy as.

And assuming you don’t know the person whose number he called from i.e. you don’t have it in your contacts, I would withhold your number and call it. I would bet my house that a woman answers.

It's not dodgy all is fine. I've spoken to him and have the full story (which is very boring and long winded) I'm not going to go through the details. I started this thread last night to mange my anxiety as I'd started catastrophising about terrible accidents and couldn't sleep. Thanks for the unsolicited advice about him having affairs though. Much appreciated.

@MayThe4th If he's cheating, all of that sounds very unnecessary, why would he do the missed call from the phone locked in office (presumably after he retrieved it)? It sounds more like a very irresponsible drunken adventure.

Glad all is well!

Mumsnet and its love of a suspected cheating husband is hilarious! 😂

Best not dig too much hey. Nothing to see here.

Poor show at best from your dh. Good luck!!

@alittlebitofspark I know right! That's why I even stated that I wasn't worried about cheating in my original post as I couldn't bothered with that nonsense. I guess if you've been in a relationship where trust has broken down you see warning signs everywhere, and often rightfully so if you've been betrayed before. It must be horrible feeling that way.

Starting the thread did really help me to get a grip at 5am though, I really appreciated the posts that helped me to rationalise. Sometimes you just need to write it down to make sense of the anxiety and stop it snowballing.

Be reasonable, this sounds incredibly shady.

If you've heard the full story and say it's fine then great but remember posters responding haven't. Plus, in my experience, the more complex the explanation then the more likely it is to be complete fiction.

I'm glad all is well and he's on his way home.

@LCforlife I didn't say I suspected cheating though, it wasn't a concern, so I don't see why some posters feel the need to go there and try and stir shit. It wasn't why I started the thread. I'm prone to being quite anxious and catastrophising worst case scenarios and needed some rational advice to help me get back to sleep. Anyway I'm bored of these silly cheating posts. I'm happy with the station and that's all that matters.

Don't worry about it OP there are loads of helpful posters on here. There are also loads of bitter ones who try to convince everyone they're being cheated on so they're all as miserable as they are. Glad all is okay x

@ForFuckSteak thank you