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Original poster

Husband not home

82 replies

worriedwifey27 · 14/01/2023 05:09

My husband had a work do this eve and said he'd be home around midnight. He then messaged on a colleague's phone around 1am saying he was drunk and his phone was locked in another office.
I missed a call from his phone an hour later as I was asleep. Haven't been able to sleep properly since as kept waking up. It's now gone 5am and he's still not home. It's so out of character so I'm now worried about him. This is because he takes our daughter to an activity on Sat morning like clockwork and would need to be In a couple of hours with her. He's a really good husband and parent I'm not worried about him cheating etc.
What do I do? How do I find him? What time is it acceptable to message the colleague who's phone he messaged me off?
My mind keep jumping to all sorts of awful scenarios.

OP posts:
crisscrosscringle · 14/01/2023 06:48

Merlinsbeard83 · 14/01/2023 06:33

Even if he makes it home in time. He was obviously to drunk to be driving your child early this morning

This.

It won't hurt for a 4 year old to miss an activity one.

Sounds like this is a one off OP so I'd be inclined to let it go - although I might do the hoovering when got home... Grin

Scarydinosaurs · 14/01/2023 06:49

What a worry for you!

i agree with PP and say daddy had to stay out (no lie, nice and simple) and then book a cab for the activity.

What happens when you call his phone?

Poppyblush · 14/01/2023 07:03

Even if he was home he would not be able to drive this morning.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
ForFuckSteak · 14/01/2023 07:05

Honestly OP leave him. He's a shit husband and a shit Dad who obviously doesn't value family time. Also look for the other woman, she's out there. What a disrespectful pig. I'm sorry this is happening to you, get your ducks in a row, big girl pants, don't do the pick me dance, google chump lady, no is a full sentence...

... only kidding 😉 he's obviously had one too many cheeky vimtos. We've all been there. If he's a decent guy give him a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea and let him chill out for the day. He owes you one next weekend though. Fair's fair! x 😄🥓☕️🤢

Tonsiltrouble · 14/01/2023 07:08

Seconding that wherever he was driving would not be an option this morning so that part is irrelevant.

NCgoingdry · 14/01/2023 07:20

Sorry to ask the obvious but if he called you off his own phone, then he got it back? Have you tried ringing him this morning?

KangarooKenny · 14/01/2023 07:35

Any news yet Op ?

Cosycover · 14/01/2023 07:38

You seem overly concerned on how to explain this to a 4 year old. Just say the activity is cancelled this week and they will go next week.

rainbowstardrops · 14/01/2023 07:42

As it's so out of character, I'd be worried too but the most obvious scenario is that he was steaming drunk and is on someone's sofa.
I wouldn't be too happy with him though, especially as he knows he should be taking your daughter to her activity. Quite selfish really.
As it'll be a faff for you to take your daughter (he wouldn't be fit to drive even if he rolled in now), I'd probably tell her it's been cancelled this week.

CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 14/01/2023 07:44

ForFuckSteak · 14/01/2023 07:05

Honestly OP leave him. He's a shit husband and a shit Dad who obviously doesn't value family time. Also look for the other woman, she's out there. What a disrespectful pig. I'm sorry this is happening to you, get your ducks in a row, big girl pants, don't do the pick me dance, google chump lady, no is a full sentence...

... only kidding 😉 he's obviously had one too many cheeky vimtos. We've all been there. If he's a decent guy give him a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea and let him chill out for the day. He owes you one next weekend though. Fair's fair! x 😄🥓☕️🤢

I was about to reply to you saying come on don't be ridiculous until I read your full post 😂

quietnightmare · 14/01/2023 07:47

Hope all is well

Original poster
worriedwifey27 · 14/01/2023 07:54

He's still not back or made contact. Very strange. Feeling less anxious with day light although still concerned. It's very peculiar!

OP posts:
tinytemper66 · 14/01/2023 07:55

He is probably sleeping it off somewhere.

Crunchymum · 14/01/2023 07:56

Time to start calling about / trying to locate him.

nc1013 · 14/01/2023 08:01

I'd be the same with worry/stress but it's great you have such a trusting relationship. He must've gone back to the office and got his phone so presumably you can contact him on that?

determinedtomakethiswork · 14/01/2023 08:04

He'll be fast asleep on someone's sofa. Try not to worry.

MyOldCaravan · 14/01/2023 08:05

As others have said, he's bound to be spark out at a mate's house.

Try not to worry, although easier said than done!

Thatisme · 14/01/2023 08:08

Thinking of you, I know it's a worry. I hooe he turns up soon.

ComfortablyDazed · 14/01/2023 08:11

What happens when you ring his phone?

BunchHarman · 14/01/2023 08:12

He obviously has his phone now. Ring it.

Original poster
worriedwifey27 · 14/01/2023 08:16

He's just called and is fine! He was so exhausted and just fell asleep. He works really long hours so I'm not surprised. Thank you for all the messages talking me back down to earth and helping me put things into perspective and get back to sleep. I find night times the worst for anxiety.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 14/01/2023 08:17

worriedwifey27 · 14/01/2023 05:28

Yes I was thinking 7am was reasonable as well. What do I say to my daughter about where he is? She's only 4.

If your daughter is only 4, probably very little. You aren't going to be able to explain that her father is drunk from a night out.

i really don't get these men who know they have family obligations who go out and get drunk so they disappoint their children and worry their partner.

OP please don't normalise this behaviour, he is not a "good father" pulling a stunt like this on you. He should be a responsible adult and you should not be at home worried about him and what to tell his children as to why he is letting them down because he decides to drink more than he can cope with. Hopefully someone has taken his car keys away.

Can2022getanyworse · 14/01/2023 08:18

Cosycover · 14/01/2023 07:38

You seem overly concerned on how to explain this to a 4 year old. Just say the activity is cancelled this week and they will go next week.

Yes. I'm not quite sure why you're so focused on what to tell a 4yo about where her dad is.

You've got 2 options - tell her the whole truth as you're seeing it 'oh my god I've got no idea where daddy is' which will scare her to death, or 'daddy went out with his friends and isn't home yet, I'm sure he'll be home soon'. And then answer any further questions with 'I don't know, we'll ask daddy when he gets home'.

As for the activity, you can either go or not go. If you do take her it'll be an adventure on the bus as dh would be too drunk to drive anyway. If you don't go tell her it's cancelled. I don't know many 4yo whe will be asking all their buddies next week if it really was cancelled to call you out on a fib.

Also it's 8.15. Time to call the friend. Hope your dh has a massive hangover and a massive apology for you.

Original poster
worriedwifey27 · 14/01/2023 08:20

@Can2022getanyworse it was night I couldn't sleep properly and my brain has gone into an anxiety overdrive. This thread helped me get that back under control and back to sleep. He's just called and is fine.

OP posts:
Idontgiveashitanymore · 14/01/2023 08:36

I’m glad he is ok but I would still give him a bollocking for scaring you !