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24 year old making my life hell

33 replies

gettingthere17 · 13/01/2023 10:22

My 24 year daughter - will not tidy up her stuff is all over the house and if ask her to tidy she has a melt down - if I move anything she shouts at me - I want to kick her out but she has no job and no where to go - my son has moved out because of her - I've to the point I'm thinking of leaving and not just my house but this world as she wouldn't care and would get her own way again

OP posts:
Rosa · 13/01/2023 10:24

She is 24 ...She should be the one that is leaving . I guess she has underlying problems?

Ursuala · 13/01/2023 10:25

Op this won’t have happened overnight

surely she has always been like this. For two decades. And you have done very little to address it?

Nimbostratus100 · 13/01/2023 10:26

This sounds really miserable OP, is she ND?

Brefugee · 13/01/2023 10:26

what do you want the answers to be? sympathy and a pat on the shoulder, but no concrete advice.
Or advice?

yorkshirepudsx · 13/01/2023 10:27

She needs to get a grip, tell her to either respect your house or leave 🤷‍♀️
I'm 25 and I moved out when I was 20, if she wants to make a mess she can get her own place to make a mess x

Cuppasoupmonster · 13/01/2023 10:28

Rosa · 13/01/2023 10:24

She is 24 ...She should be the one that is leaving . I guess she has underlying problems?

Or just a brat. OP, you’re not a bystander in your own life. Give her a date, say 1 months time, and either she has a job and is treating you with respect by then or kick her out. And mean it.

yorkshirepudsx · 13/01/2023 10:30

She's not going to respect you or learn any concrete morals if you just put up with it.

I know she's your baby and it would feel awful with her having no job/nowhere to go,
But you need to sit her down and give her an ultimatum.

She either helps out around the house or moves out. Simple.

With her not working, you should also ask her to spend some time each day with housework etc. she'd only have to do housework if she wasn't living with you.
Don't do her laundry and don't make her food, if she leaves clutter, put it all a bag and put it into her room. If she wants to live in a pigsty it shouldn't affect you.

If she kicks off/flips, ask her to leave.

Imogensmumma · 13/01/2023 10:31

Agree give her a month to find a job and pay rent if not wifi will be turned off, no food or washing provided.

what has happened that it has got to this level op you sound very sad and alone. Time to be cruel to be kind

pawprintseverywhere · 13/01/2023 10:32

Anything lying around...bin it. She is an adult time to act like one

GiltEdges · 13/01/2023 10:33

Kick her out. She’ll have to go to the council to be housed.

Bestcatmum · 13/01/2023 10:34

Be careful, my DS did this prior to a breakdown and a suicide attempt. He's had therapy and is fine now. He said life was just too much, pressure to find a career, being grown up but not grown up, struggling to start his own life but still needing his mum.
For some people your 20's can be a really difficult time and they can't cope.

Eyesopenwideawake · 13/01/2023 10:35

I've to the point I'm thinking of leaving and not just my house but this world

Lovie - that's never the answer. Has she any idea of what she's brought you to? It might be worth telling her honestly exactly how you feel.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/01/2023 10:37

I’d be looking at reasons why she is behaving like this.

Why doesn’t she have a job?

It sounds like PDA.

KangarooKenny · 13/01/2023 10:39

Does she have diagnosed MH problems ?

Waterfallgirl · 13/01/2023 10:42

Eyesopenwideawake · 13/01/2023 10:35

I've to the point I'm thinking of leaving and not just my house but this world

Lovie - that's never the answer. Has she any idea of what she's brought you to? It might be worth telling her honestly exactly how you feel.

Yes I agree - but also please talk to someone in real life today if you can about your feelings . A friend or family member or GP ? These hard times will pass and you can get through it OP.
And once you feel strong enough to have the tough conversation with your D maybe do that with another person with you for support. Keep taking here too there’s people here who’ll listen

Tamarindtree · 13/01/2023 10:44

Boot her out. At 24 she is more than capable of finding her own place to live.

Scared201 · 13/01/2023 10:44

She needs to leave, this isn’t fair on you. Give her 1-2 months and a date she needs to move out by. She would be devastated if she knew the effect this was having you im sure. Please speak to your GP or friends.

Comedycook · 13/01/2023 10:45

We need more info.. is she ND? Does she have mental health problems? Is she disabled? What else is going on?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/01/2023 10:45

She sounds ND to me

ReneBumsWombats · 13/01/2023 10:52

How did this start?

Warspite · 13/01/2023 10:56

Everything said here is very black & white but I agree it’s time for very tough love. Who is the parent here?

There clearly might be a back story or indeed you’ve allowed her for two decades to rule your roost?

I’d put anything she leaves lying around, on a daily basis, into a cardboard box and shove it in her room. She can pick out what she needs/wants from that. Her own personal mess box!

Id clear up the messiest communal room like for example your living room, dust hoover & put stuff away and tell her that’s how you want it kept from now on. No dirty mugs or glasses, clothing, slippers, chocolate wrappers, crisp packets, paperwork, absolutely nothing to be left lying around. Stick to it. Your new discipline.

A month isn’t long to get her ass into gear to find a job and/or move out. In your shoes I’d say she’s got to be employed and out by (say) Easter?
Thence, tough love Mum. You change the locks and don’t share the key.

I left home at 16 to work abroad! You can do this mum. You can do this. Go for it.

LadySweetPea · 13/01/2023 10:56

Brefugee · 13/01/2023 10:26

what do you want the answers to be? sympathy and a pat on the shoulder, but no concrete advice.
Or advice?

Seriously? A woman posts saying she feels suicidal and you respond with that?

Brefugee · 13/01/2023 11:00

no i ask because sometimes what they really need is a lot of sympathy because they aren't currently able to think of solutions.

Some people are looking for solutions and i'm happy to give my thoughts.

When my daughter started behaving like this, we sat her down and explained the behaviours that were unacceptable, and gave her a time frame for behaving in a manner compatible with living with other people. She did change, but eventually moved out because her mental health wasn't the best, leading to her behaviours. We help her with the rent and some things, and after around 6 months she is together enough to look for help.

I'm not sure if this is what OP is looking for. It is hard. It lead to screaming and a suicide attempt (not me). But it was a good beginning. OP may not be ready for this.

Threebutterflies · 13/01/2023 11:02

LadySweetPea · 13/01/2023 10:56

Seriously? A woman posts saying she feels suicidal and you respond with that?

Agree ! What an awful reply to someone who feels suicidal! Could have worded it much better.

Leah5678 · 13/01/2023 11:06

Tell her if she doesn't start being respectful she will have to leave, I'm 21 and moved out when I was 17. It's not fair on you and the rest of your family to put up with this

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