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24 year old making my life hell

33 replies

gettingthere17 · 13/01/2023 10:22

My 24 year daughter - will not tidy up her stuff is all over the house and if ask her to tidy she has a melt down - if I move anything she shouts at me - I want to kick her out but she has no job and no where to go - my son has moved out because of her - I've to the point I'm thinking of leaving and not just my house but this world as she wouldn't care and would get her own way again

OP posts:
mbosnz · 13/01/2023 11:06

I do not know what your daughter's situation is, regarding her neuro divergent/typical status, or with regards to her personal history or mental health, all of which would have bearing on possible reactions to her behaviour, and could change what I and many others would suggest.

Not knowing any of that, I'm assuming neuro typical, no severe mental health issues, or background trauma, when I say that, when my kids were toddlers, when they had tantrums, they had zero impact on what I did, or what they were required to do. Obviously it's a bit harder to make a 24 year old clean their room or go to the naughty corner! However, having a meltdown because I had the temerity to clean their mess, in my house, would have zero impact on me doing so. I do not negotiate with terrorists. In fact, regardless of the above factors, no-one has the right to intimidate you into living in their mess, in your house.

So I'd be cleaning it up, for my mental health, and getting a laundry tub into which I put all her stuff, rubbish and all, and telling her that every night at 8pm, that tub was going into the general waste bin. All of it. So if there's anything she's particularly attached to, she might not want to leave it lying around.

I also agree with wifi off, during the day, if you can do that, or changing the password, so you can log on but she can't. It could be suggested that she's required to be out between the hours of 9am to 5pm, unless her room is clean, the general areas are clean and tidy, and she is making the contributions required of her to the household. At least if she's out the house, she can't make as much mess!

LivMumsnet · 13/01/2023 11:15

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Best of luck, OP. We hope things improce for you soon. Flowers

Tamarindtree · 13/01/2023 11:37

She has been an adult for six years. Plenty of time to get her shit together and start an independent life in her own home.

As a mum you always feel responsible for your children even if they act appallingly but it should not be at the sacrifice of your own wellbeing.

You can still support her by whatever means you see fit such as taking round shipping when she’s in her new place etc but it should always be in your own terms.

24 is quite old to still be living at home even if you are well behaved so the fact she is badly behaved means she has to leave ASAP.

tattygrl · 13/01/2023 11:40

You need to seek mental health support for yourself, with a focus on affirming your own value and needs, so that you can begin to implement solid boundaries that stop her treating you and the home disrespectfully. You need to feel confident in your own needs, value and trust yourself before you'll be able to effectively deal with this. This can change, but you need to really invest in yourself, learn how to assert boundaries and prevent yourself burning out. 💐

Pearlygates · 13/01/2023 11:59

I'm so sorry OP. It must be really bad if you're contemplating suicide.

I agree with others that have said to seek help for your mental health but in my opinion I don't know if that would help much as the cause of it all is still in the house. Personally, I think your daughter needs to go in order for you to have peace.

You've done all you can brought her up to this age and It's time you start looking after yourself.

Wishing you all the best x

Puckthemagicdragon · 13/01/2023 12:19

Just give her a date by which she has to leave. It's up to her to sort out her job, accommodation etc. If you don't do it now then when?

FatEaredFuck · 13/01/2023 12:32

Can you have a GP appointment for her and both attend? Ask for a double appointment.

If she wont go can you make an appointment for yourself. You need to get some support.

Bananalanacake · 13/01/2023 12:36

Why isn't she able to work, she should be claiming benefits.

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