Paralysed by... procrastination? anxiety? I don't know!

[EnterFunnyNameHere]

More and more in recent months I've found myself utterly unable to "do" my work effectively. Some things are ok - usually when they are totally unavoidable. But many things I will procrastinate over to such a ridiculous extent, I barely know how to describe it. I have a report I need to review. I absolutely know I need to get on with it. Every day this week I've told myself I have to get on and start it. But here I am at 4pm on Thursday and I've done nothing.

I don't think I'm particularly lazy - although I've always been someone who works in fairly short very intense bursts then needs a break... I think in general my productivity is above average and at a good quality (based on feedback), but this seems to be born out of the extreme productivity of the "focussed" times... I've also typically been someone who tends to "lean in" to less than pleasant work - it's not like I try to get out of doing some of the shittier/boring aspects of the job. I'm genuinely known as someone who is a good "gets shit done" person at work - it's just people don't see the level of "feeling shit about myself" that happens in the process before doing it in a hectic rush at the 11th hour!

But increasingly I will literally be sitting, sweating, heart rate up in fear over something that I need to just "do", but still seemingly unable to just bloody "do" it.

I don't know what I'm asking really - I'm sure the answer is basically will power and just getting a fucking grip! But does anyone relate to this weird situation??

OP I’m sat here doing exactly the same thing! I was supposed to order something for work from overseas last week and I still haven’t done it. I know the model number, who I need to email about it, it will probably only need to be a one line email, but I just cannot do it. I keep putting it off and I have no idea why.
This has been a theme for the last two months and I just don’t know what is wrong with me. Every 7-10 days I just shut myself away in the office for hours until it’s all done, on a normal day it’s absolutely the bare minimum. I have no idea what I’d wrong with me.

Plus everything is put off till the very last minute. So I spend days with a dozen things milling around at the back of my mind, feeling sweaty about it, but not actually getting round to it (would take an hour, max)

@GNR2022 that is it EXACTLY.

I know full well if I just got down to it and did the thing say tomorrow morning, it would be done by the end day. But I don't. I find something else to do. Or someone rings and asks if I have time to do X - the correct answer is "no" because I have to do the "thing", but I say yes and do that instead. Then mid-afternoon it hits me that I haven't done the "thing", I feel like shit about it, properly sweaty and scared, but STILL DON'T DO IT (often on the basis that "well there's no point starting it now, I'll start tomorrow instead").

I hate it - but it's totally in my power to change it - so why can't I seem to actually change!?! And why have I started behaving like this?!

I'm exactly the same OP. It's driving me mad, I'm screaming at myself to just get on with things but it's like there's just some kind of a block.

I concentrate so much better in the evenings but I don't want to be working late to finish things I should be able to do during normal hours.

I never used to be like this! I’m just a normal, gets on with things type of person day to day.
I work from home and I think this is making it worse to be honest. Too many distractions.
I got back from walking the dog at lunch time and I’ve just sat on my backside since then doing nothing

I suffer from this and it’s worse as I age.

The thing you must do is open the document/report/spreadsheet/application and just do 15 minutes. It’s the fear of beginning but if you begin you can continue.

Make a cuppa. Open the report at 5pm and work for 15 minutes.

I'm the same abd I think it's anxiety. Not specific anxiety about anything. I am very lucky and my home life etc are comfortable, the kids are fine. It's the whole shitstorm going on around us. I think the pandemic coupled with cost-of-living and general awfulness of everything has cut off some of my normal avenues for venting stress. I work in healthcare and it's distasteful to talk about work stress right now when we're all swimming in it. I know many friends have tough personal things going on. It's not therapy I think people need right now, but the general chin- up have a laugh and a cry and keep a sense of perspective chatting is harder to come by. Staying under mild strain all the time is tiring and that makes concentration harder.

I’ve sent the fucking email. It took me 20 seconds, I timed it. It’s been on my mind for 7 DAYS. What an idiot.

This is also an issue for me - I am a night owl not a lark, and an important part of my work requires deep focus, which means I need peace and quiet, no distractions. In this WFH, kids & family around all the time stage of life, that means my best focus is when they’ve all buggered off to bed. But it’s not sustainable as a working pattern as I also need to go to the office…

I could have written your post to a tee. No matter how urgent something is I just have a mental block on starting things. What makes it worse is I have to fill in timesheets so I'm constantly using my weekends playing catch up. Every time I get back on top of my work I say to myself 'right that's it!' but then Monday morning rolls round again and I sit doing nothing!!

🙌

These things are typical for people with Autism and or ASHD. Is this something you’ve considered?

I have wondered if it's related to anxiety, but then wondered (for me, not you!) whether that's just a cop out...

One thing I've noticed is that it is definitely worse with things I'm expecting to go badly - and I always think the worst possible outcome is the most likely outcome, in the face on considerable evidence to the contrary, which I think feeds in (i.e., if I start doing that thing it will lead to bad times so I don't want to start it). However, if someone at works comes to me because they have some work which has gone sideways, I'll very happily jump in even if it puts me in a far more stressful/unpleasant position - but that's fine because I know me getting it in the neck is preventing someone else from getting it instead.

I am the same since reaching menopause.
It's frustrating when it's self inflicted but why can't I just DO IT???

I'm proud of you - you DID THE THING!!!

Well down!

This is my life! I'm the eternal "procrastinator".
Autism etc. runs in my family.

No, I can't say it's something I've ever really thought about. I don't know much about either except that it presents differently to the stereotypes quite often in girls/women...

I do feel like it's so much worse in the last, maybe 3-4 months than in my life leading up to then (almost 40!), and that if it was something like that wouldn't it have always been prevelent?

But like I say, it's really not something I can pretend to know much about!

I tend to do this too. I’ve started making a to do list for the following day and I always have to do the thing I really don’t want yo do first. It’s called Eating the Frog. It’s definitely helping me because the thing that I don’t want to do is almost always nowhere near as bad as I thought it was going to be!

Google the tool 'focus mate' OP - fantastic solution for this problem. Also the Eat The Frog method.

I could have written your OP! So frustrating. I'm doing a masters alongside my job at the minute and had the whole of Christmas pretty much off (rare in my area of work) to crack on with a big assignment which I could easily have had finished. Nope, left it and left it despite allocating whole days with no plans. Ended up with 2 hours sleep in 48 hours just to finish it. Goodness knows what I submitted but it probably barely made sense. Hoping it was good enough to scrape a pass, and if I doesn't it's my own fault.

I'm like it with life admin as well. Always leaving things to the last second despite knowing exactly how to sort things. I neverrr used to be like this it's only in the last year or so I've become this way. I'm driving myself mad!

@EnterFunnyNameHere same same re avoiding even starting stuff that could go wrong. Whilst putting myself on the line for colleagues. I literally am a psychologist so if I give it a bit of distance my guess would be there's no straightforward payoff when the incentive is getting something done versus the very strong aversive of fucking up. So procrastinating over our own stuff makes sense. But when we help others we get an immediate reward of being a good colleague and feel briefly good, even if long term we've got ourselves in bigger trouble.

Anxiety distorts our perspective on the aversive of fucking up. We over read negative signals about what will happen if we get something wrong and actually workplaces tebd to reward underperformance from non troublemakers. Also underperformance from troublemakers! Being an easygoing high achiever is usually a mugs game! So anxiety is always a component of procrastination. The question is why are we so anxious.

Same on the timesheets, it's a nightmare.

I can't charge clients for work I haven't done, but then my billable hours will be low and I'll get pulled up by my boss.

I thought about ADHD too but I've never been as bad as this. I have in the past been very productive, it's in the last couple of years I've found it hard.

I absolutely relate to everything you've said.
I keep thinking about starting a degree but I know I'd avoid doing anything until the last minute and then stress myself out finishing things at the last second so I haven't gone for it- I'm procrastinating about applying for a degree because I'm worried I'd procrastinate while doing it 🫤
On the plus side I have just sent an email that I've been avoiding for over a week so thank you for the thread!

For me it’s been menopause. I’ve always been focussed, organised and met deadlines. I hit menopause and now can spend a week or more worrying about a 10 minute task I’m more than capable of doing. I need to be as productive as possible when inspiration strikes cos it doesn’t come around that often. HRT has helped but I’m still a procrastinating nightmare.