Begged socail services for help on Ftiday and Saturday. No response

[ThreeChildrenWithSEN]

Name changed. Sorry this isn't going to be formatted as the site is playing up. Also. I can't spell so please don't derail into "you're so thick you can't spell". I get it.

So last week I was feeling very overwhelmed I have three kids with SEN. One needs a secondary special school named by mid Feb, I had no offer that wasn't boarding out of County. My dd school are not following her ehcp. My eldest boy has a annual review in two weeks and I Nedd to create reems of paperwork. I'm dyslexic. So one of the children has a children with disabilities socail worker. I emailed her. I'm close to breaking point. I need help from her to get my la to talk to me about schools. Got no support. At all.

Then over the weekend my dh did something utterly crap. I felt I could no longer cope. Shouted, screamed and swore at dh in front of my kids. I was so close the edge, dh just tipped me over. Really really wanted to hit him. I didnt but i wanted too. So I emailed my sw again. Told her I now can not cope. Feel I can't meet my kids needs and I had shouted sworn at dh in front of the kids. Like I had a mini breakdown.

On Monday I phoned the Dr in tears, saying I can't meet the kids needs. I'm having a breakdown, I can't cope etc. I was asked do I need child protection? I said no. Did I have plans to end my life? No. Is dh hurting me? No. Dr said socsil services would be in touch.

I then went to a meeting at dd school was senco but I was a total mess.

My allocated children with disabilities sw phoned me off duty after 7pm driving home to tell me she would ring me properly tomorrow.

I have heard nothing since. I have realised there's no help coming so weirdly I feel fine now. There is no help, there is no help coming and even when I knew I was about to break, told the gp I wanted to drive away and never come back, that didn't evoke anything. My plan was to pack up and disappear today. I'm over it now. Life is shit but I'm.stuck so I have to get over myself.

I half wanted to punch the senco to get arrested, that's how shit u felt. I was hysterical to the gp.

Now I know SC aren't going to help I feel 100% fine now. But only because I have pushed everything down knowing I have to work through it all. I don't have any choice. I do feel like I'm well overdue a stroke

I am so sorry. I do know you are absolutely right, services are so stretched that there is no help and when help does come it is after the event. I don't have any words of wisdom but I didn't want you to go unheard. (Your post is completely readable by the way)

Theirs loads of different things going on in your life at the moment. First we'll done for reaching out for help, that's such a achievement, second don't apologise for not being able to spell, that's not relevant. Then break down all the issues and try to deal with them one at a time. If it was me I think you need to visit the GP and tell them how hard your life is right now and see if theirs any help they can give you. I don't know you so don't know if your at breaking point, just out of sorts or have some sort of depression. Then make a appointment with the senior again and take someone with you, if you have no one ask a organisation to attend. IASS is our local organisation and then slowly but surely you might get somewhere but please don't give up.

I don't even know if I had a breakdown i wanted to tell the gp I was going to punch the senco to get arrested and have some time out of my life.
I feel 100% OK now. Im numb to my feelings. I feel what's the point of talking to the SW if she ever does get back in touch? I needed the help then.

I said to my gp it's like standing on a bridge screaming I'm going to jum p, but help only comes after you've jumped and dead. Why trust them now?

You're being needlessly critical of yourself.
I can't even imagine how hard this is for you.
Sorry no other advice, but you are doing really well even though you don't think you are!
They are failing you and I hope you get the right help soon xxx

I don't think they are going to call back. Thing is we have a named SW. I think if you sat down and asked my eldest what I said to his dad, it would trigger CP. But of course no one is going to ask him. I told dh I wanted him dead. What's the point of admitting that now? Crisis over. Words said. Snapped. Lost it.

i wanted to to prevent breaking point, but it's done now and we are all still here. Kids are fed and clean and at school so why does it matter that my life is a shit show? Until someone either dies or the kids attract safeguarding at school it's all good. Except It's not as I'm operating at the absolute limit. One more tiny thing and I'm going to flip again. But that's behind closed doors so it's OK. what it takes to not be ok, i dont know

I think you can self refer to the school DSL? (Safeguarding lead)
It may get a response more quickly?
I'm so sorry things are so shit for you atm x

@ThreeChildrenWithSEN im in the same boat as you, life is hard, 3 kids with additional needs, a useless children’s disabilities social worker, feel like I’m losing my mind 90% of the time, I’m just pleased I have a school days to myself but I just sit in a daze because I’m so overwhelmed. I don’t have much to say other than I hear you and I feel you.x

I think you should return to your GP but say you do need child protection, that you are at your wits end and not coping, and you’re concerned about how this is affecting the children. Child protection might sound scary but it is one way to focus social workers on the support your family needs. It isn’t about punishing families or removing children, it’s about meeting their needs.

I don't want to the DSL route. I went via the gp and direct to socail worker so it's safe to say it's not worthy of being on radar.

The thing is the the time between being off radar and not fit to parent doesn't exist. If your bearly coping, that's great. The moment your not coping I don't even know if that would warrant childprotetion or help. Punched a teacher would in honestly just me banned from school grounds and a criminal record. Not any CP or interventions. If I threatened to kill the kids and I was asked if I'd made a plan to kill them and said no, I think that would be OK to.

Luckily there's no urge to hurt anyone but I'm alarmed that I threatened my dh life and considered punching the senco. It's not like me at all. I'm not a angry or violent person. I don't know what a breakdown is. But I clearly don't have time or energy to fit one in

I told the gp this. She asked me if needed CP. She didn't weigh up what I said and decided I needed it. I said no so sent it over to socail care. I was hysterical I could hardly string a sentence together

I think we do need CP but it's never going to meet CP levels as the kids are fed, clean doing well at school. The fact I can't cope isn't a fact until I stop coping

Sounds very tough OP I’m sorry.

What help and support do you feel you need specifically? I ask because If SS won’t or can’t help perhaps people can suggest if there are other routes on specific needs. It may also help for if/when your allocated SW calls back as opposed to the (understandable) generally message of you not or just about coping.

I understand what you're saying, that you're feeling a sense of calm and almost of acceptance right now, after your emotional extremis - however, that is not the same as being fine.

I don't think you are coping right now. You sound like someone who is extremely burnt out and on the very, very edge. Yes, it is totally possible to feel calm, zen, numb, detached, any number of "still" feelings while in this state. The body and mind simply can't sustain the heightened stress and frenzy forever, so you lapse into a stillness.

Have you sought mental health help for yourself? Setting aside trying to work out how to get family/SEN support as a whole, have you had a GP appointment where you say "I'm not coping, I need MH treatment"?

OP, are you aware that there are two 'strands' that come under the catch-all of 'child protection'. One is 'Child in Need' and the other is 'Child Protection'. The former is to support children with disabilities and the latter is more about safeguarding concerns etc.

You will only know if your child meets your LA's criteria for extra support as a 'Child in Need', by asking to be assessed for it. But at least going through the assessment will enable you, to put in writing, your child's needs and in this way, there is a responsibility for the LA to help you meet those needs. It should also trigger a Carer's assessment for you, which can include respite etc.

Also, if you want to help ensure your social worker remembers to respond to you, use email as a form of communication, rather than phoning. This keeps a written record if what's been said and is much easier to keep everyone accountable.

I hope that's helpful. The system is so hard to deal with, on top of the strain of coping with the caring responsibilities you have, but the advice a PP gave, to take one but at a time, is probably best.

Sorry, hopefully it's obvious, but I meant to write 'one bit at a time', not one 'but' 🥴

I've had a few courses of CBT, stertraline, mirtazapine, etc. I'm a hoarder as that's my self harm / drug. That was part of the origami question to the SW. Can I get 1:1 practical help to clear my house out. Normally when I feel stressed I hoard, but I've had so much therapy that no longer helps give me a high. Very very rarely when I'm overwhelmed and don't nedc to get the kids ( once every two years) I buy a bottle of vodka and drink as much as I can until I pass out. That helps but as I drive daily unfortunately I can't turn into a alcoholic. Unhealthy but it would help numb my pain.

my named gp wanted to put me onto very strong anti depressants but I would still need to find a secondary school etc so I'd rather be sharp minded in a living hell than my child have no secondary placement. I can schedule in a full blown, section me breakdown in October 😄 once school is sorted. That GP just said to me he sees child suicide as normal now due to lack of Socail care / mental health support. So I broke down in front of him and left. None of my kids will fail on my watch if it kills me. And it's killing me. Not even my hoarding raises a concern.

My perfect answer would be all the kids safe. Then me crushed under a pile of shit intoxicated on vodka. No one can touch me lost in my hoard. I'm always amazed that people are amazed I'm a hoarder. Like it's possible to be me and be unscathed. Not possible. No loving mum. Unless dh, in aws hate me. Sister high flying and child free. Everyone tells me amazing but I have constant feelings of panic. Cortisol and adrenaline 24/7 at max. Can hear my heart in my ears. BP 170/110. Yes I look ok. I'm constantly telling myself what would my kids do if I walked. I want to walk. But I love them. I am all they have. I am their warrior. But I'm done with me. I hate myself. I can't help me.

Yes already a child in need. They have a socail worker. After they repeatedly tried to strangle the yougest

So did you qualify for any support via the CIN route? I know families who receive Direct Payments that enable them to employ Personal Assistants to support the child/family. Has this ever been discussed with you?

Also have you had a Carer's Assessment?

Complain about the social worker and go over their head. You need support.

One needs a secondary special school named by mid Feb, I had no offer that wasn't boarding out of County.

Is the school you want wholly independent? Unless it is wholly independent you don’t need an offer the LA must name your preference unless the LA can prove:
-The setting is unsuitable for the age, ability, aptitude or special educational needs (“SEN”) of the child or young person; or
-The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the provision of efficient education for others; or
-The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the efficient use of resources.

Unless the LA can prove one of the above, for which the bar is high, schools can be named against their will.

My dd school are not following her ehcp.

If the provision specified and quantified in section F isn’t being provided email the Director of Children’s Services informing them, reminding them it is ultimately their responsibility to ensure it is provided and if the situation continues you will be forced to begin judicial review proceedings. If that doesn’t work contact SOSSEN for help with a pre-action letter.

If section F is woolly and vague it isn’t enforceable and you should request an early review.

Yes we get direct payments for a PA but I can't find anyone reliable. My friend was supposed to have him on Monday but frequently let's me down last minute.

Had a careers assessment about four years ago

I have two complaints about my socail care in. Ones with the local government ombudsman. That was slso very stressful as it was three stages with my LA.

The second complaint was that they don't hold or take notes at CIN meetings. That was ignored for 12 weeks, went to the lgo and now back with the LA. As I have name changed my la is Surrey.

Yes the secondary is wholly independent but I have no case officer with the SEN team. They have been off sick for 10 months. It's getting Surrey to pay via tribunals. I'm on my 9th tribunal. If you know me this outing. I don't care. No one thinks hmm, this woman has three kids with ehcps and everything is a fight, we ignore every law. They just shit on me from hight

@JustKeepBuilding I wrote to the director of children's services on Friday. Then the senco insisted I had got it all wrong, hours on her ehcp of TA time isn't the hours a TA is required in class, it covers lunch and break supervision! It's gaslighting bullshit. Surrey have until Friday to reply to me but what then? Judicial review? I can bearly breath in and out right now. Sure I will do a JR but at what cost to my MH? My sw could should come to these meetings but SW is agency staff and Surrey institute not liable to disaplinaries.

Having hot chocolate with dd in a cafe. Dd is fine from the outside we look idilic. I'm dead inside. I'm the warrior mum. But I don't care anymore. I fight on autopilot. Because if I stop fighting I'm going to die

You need to look at what is specified in the EHCP. Does it specify class time or is it vague and woolly? If the LA continue to ignore you and it is specified and quantified then JR is the way. Yes it is stressful, but when the correct provision is in place things will get easier for you all.

Email the Director of Children’s Services every time if you don’t have a caseworker. Unfortunately many have to appeal to get their preferred school, but the majority of appeals are successful.

You need an up to date carer’s assessment and assessment by the disabled children’s team for your other 2 DC. Push the LA to increase the direct payments, fund 2:1, fund residential respite &/or look at respite via using short term foster care. If you do appeal the EHCP you can appeal social care provision.

Yes both kids ehcps are on for appeal. They are listed a year away!

I'm going to email the Sw again in a bit, then file it with my complaint. The SW tells me to complaint yet she is based in the same office as the sen team. I want her to back me up for once. I want my own sw to teach me how to cope again