Begged socail services for help on Ftiday and Saturday. No response

[ThreeChildrenWithSEN]

Name changed. Sorry this isn't going to be formatted as the site is playing up. Also. I can't spell so please don't derail into "you're so thick you can't spell". I get it.

So last week I was feeling very overwhelmed I have three kids with SEN. One needs a secondary special school named by mid Feb, I had no offer that wasn't boarding out of County. My dd school are not following her ehcp. My eldest boy has a annual review in two weeks and I Nedd to create reems of paperwork. I'm dyslexic. So one of the children has a children with disabilities socail worker. I emailed her. I'm close to breaking point. I need help from her to get my la to talk to me about schools. Got no support. At all.

Then over the weekend my dh did something utterly crap. I felt I could no longer cope. Shouted, screamed and swore at dh in front of my kids. I was so close the edge, dh just tipped me over. Really really wanted to hit him. I didnt but i wanted too. So I emailed my sw again. Told her I now can not cope. Feel I can't meet my kids needs and I had shouted sworn at dh in front of the kids. Like I had a mini breakdown.

On Monday I phoned the Dr in tears, saying I can't meet the kids needs. I'm having a breakdown, I can't cope etc. I was asked do I need child protection? I said no. Did I have plans to end my life? No. Is dh hurting me? No. Dr said socsil services would be in touch.

I then went to a meeting at dd school was senco but I was a total mess.

My allocated children with disabilities sw phoned me off duty after 7pm driving home to tell me she would ring me properly tomorrow.

I have heard nothing since. I have realised there's no help coming so weirdly I feel fine now. There is no help, there is no help coming and even when I knew I was about to break, told the gp I wanted to drive away and never come back, that didn't evoke anything. My plan was to pack up and disappear today. I'm over it now. Life is shit but I'm.stuck so I have to get over myself.

I half wanted to punch the senco to get arrested, that's how shit u felt. I was hysterical to the gp.

Now I know SC aren't going to help I feel 100% fine now. But only because I have pushed everything down knowing I have to work through it all. I don't have any choice. I do feel like I'm well overdue a stroke

Rather than email the SW email the head of service.

I want my own sw to teach me how to cope again

Have you asked for an assessment from adult social care?

Sound guidance from @JustKeepBuilding regarding the educational side of things. And getting the right educational settings will hopefully be hugely helpful to the other areas of your life.

That said, you already know how long these things can take to work through, which is a failing of the system, not you, but meanwhile, you have to find a way to hang on and cope.....somehow. And I say that with great respect, and sadness, because honestly, I don't know how most people cope....

Anyway, if you can, try and build more support, however you can. Are any of your children under 5yrs? If yes, get in touch with Homestart. They are active in Surrey and will find a volunteer match for you, for a couple of hours a week, to give you a break.

Get back to your disabilities team social worker urgently, in writing, and ask for a review of your Carer's Assessment. A lot can change in four years. It sounds as if you would qualify for regular respite at the very least, but also this could be where you might be able to get the practical assistance you mentioned to help clear the house.

In terms of the difficulty finding suitable PA's, have you been in touch with SILC? They help with the recruitment and retention of PA's in Surrey.

It sounds unbelievably hard for you OP. If you want to PM me, tell me whereabouts you are in Surrey, I might be able to put you in touch with further help.

And I meant to say, when you email the social worker from the children with disabilities team, cc to his/her manager at the very least. If you don't get a response, then escalate to the head of the service.

My child's SW said she had reffered me. Over 9 months ago. You never know if your waiting or it's been forgotten which isn't surprising when no one take minutes and I don't even know if its a proper CIN. Mind you the last time I had a meeting with SW and a professional working with my son was 2021. Our last cin was tagged onto the AR but it was purely an AR

The paperwork is relentless I found, despite only working 20 hours a week;outside the home) I really struggled to keep up, then there's the appointments - only one of mine had particularly significant needs (the other is dyslexic) and she was in mainstream with support by the skin of her teeth.

Our social worker basically told me that as long as my kids were housed, fed and attended school fairly regularly they really couldn't get involved unless the disabilities were life limiting due to staffing constraints, me being physically assaulted by dd wasn't considered enough!

I have wondered now dc are grown whether there's actually income potential for me doing sen paperwork (not all parents with Sen children are short of money, and I thought I could do pro bono work for those who couldn't afford to pay)

Also I have phoned MASH twice before in tears saying I can't cope. They log it, during the stage 2 and stage 3 of my last sc complaint I was told that should have triggered CP. It triggered FA

If you think one is necessary you need to request an assessment from adult social care for your own needs. That is separate to the CIN process.

Our social worker basically told me that as long as my kids were housed, fed and attended school fairly regularly they really couldn't get involved unless the disabilities were life limiting due to staffing constraints, me being physically assaulted by dd wasn't considered enough!

This wasn’t/isn’t true and is them fobbing you off.

This ^, with bells on.

Children with disabilities team sw texted to say she would call tonight. No call still.

Had a good cry in the car and briefly toyed with driving 90mph into some parked cars. Or getting some vodka and drinking myself to death. Or just keep on driving and never go home.

Unfortunately none of those options is going to change anything. I'm going to write a list to work through and unless I'm working on my list I'm going to sleep. I'm going to stop all housework etc until I feel better. If the SW came round and the kidsxwas sleeping a dog bed they wouldn't notice anyway. It always makes me laugh when people are worried about the children bring taken into care. The truth is they don't see and they can't afford to see.