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Original poster

Where were you at 30?

46 replies

2023willbemyyear1 · 10/01/2023 20:32

As the title says..

I am turning 30 this year. I am in a job I hate, in a field I am not sure about. I am single and never been in a long term relationship, and not having much luck dating. I am really quite overweight and don’t have much self-confidence.

And I always thought that by the time I was 30, I’d have some of my sh*t together.

I know in the grand scheme of things, 30 is still very young. And people who want to are getting married and having children etc a lot later. But I still feel a societal pressure that by the time you are 30 you should have achieved certain things and I am just a bit lost… 😔

I am trying to listen to podcasts to motivate me but if anybody has any recommendations on self help resources then send them my way!

OP posts:
BeyondMyWits · 10/01/2023 20:43

I was at the pinnacle of my career, promotions galore, earning a decent salary... but working all hours, very poor work life balance and just about to break up with a lying cheating arse of a man...

So not exactly the best, most sorted out year of my life, but things got better. I concentrated on being the best me. Changed job, fewer hours, more time for hobbies, sorted out my body... was fat and out of condition.

One insight I gained was that I wasn't alone... lots of people feel lost and left behind at different parts of their life, but if you keep doing what you've always done, that won't change.

36 was the year for me.

YerAWizardHarry · 10/01/2023 20:45

I don’t think this thread will make you feel any better to be honest.

Degree educated, working in the field I trained for, earning decent money with pay increases in the pipeline.

Own a house, two children and been in a relationship for 5 years.

On the other hand my twin sister has none of the above but is very happy and has a fantastic and exciting life!

YerAWizardHarry · 10/01/2023 20:45

Sorry should have said- I also turn 30 this year

SnowAndIceLobelia · 10/01/2023 20:48

At the start of my year of being 30 i was being badly bullied by my boss in a job I hated. I was so stressed I suffered from stress incontinence and would literally sit in meeting shaking and peeing myself. I was being cheated on (and about to be dumped) by my then boyfriend who as well as cheating on me was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive.

By the end of my 30th year I had changed jobs for a much better one and a step up. I had moved continents. (for work). I had met DH at a running group we both belonged to and had moved in with him and his two dogs.

20 years ago now. Smile

SnowAndIceLobelia · 10/01/2023 20:50

(By the way, i am almost 50 and still think I need to get my shit together- or at the very least i need a better haircut. But I am happy and life is good. I never imagined that when i turned 30).

SnowAndIceLobelia · 10/01/2023 20:51

I would say write down the things you want to change and then work out how to change them.

And don't panic. There is plenty of time and I bet you are doing just fine. Thanks

Sapphire387 · 10/01/2023 20:52

I spent my 30th birthday in a nursing home. My first DH was a week away from dying of a brain tumour and we had two young children (then 4 and 2). So you know, it could be worse.

I'm 37 now, done a lot to turn my life around during my thirties.

prettyrainbows · 10/01/2023 20:54

I had just been widowed and we had only been married for 1 year. Starting again was hard, but I am now 47 and happily remarried. There's life beyond 30. Don't let age set timeliness for how your life plays out. Every person's timeline is different x

SareBear87 · 10/01/2023 20:55

I was doing a job I loved but paid in peanuts.
I'd been married 2 years but soon filed for divorce 9 months after the big 3-0 celebrations
Had very few friends (thanks to ex-H)
Overweight
Felt like I didn't really fit anywhere

At 31 I decided things needed to change.

5 years later and none of the above is true, I love my life now. With hindsight I'm very grateful for that 30 wobble! I could have just carried on for life otherwise!

YetiTeri · 10/01/2023 20:57

At 30 I was traveling SE Asia on a career break. Happily single and having the time of my life.

20 years on two kids, a demanding but rewarding job but on a constant relentless hamster wheel.

Focus on stuff that you can control that makes you happy. The grass is not always greener.

KendrickLamaze · 10/01/2023 20:58

Sorry you feel this way. Don't let it get you down. Life can change in an instant.

30 - shit job and I was really affected by it. 31 - dream job. 34 - redundant and drifting ever since.

You could be married and happy at 30 and divorced with debt at 40. Or you could meet the love of your life at 40 and live happily ever after.

Work on your own timeline and be happy you have a timeline. Plenty of people never even made it to 30 Flowers

Binfluencer · 10/01/2023 20:58

Sapphire387 · 10/01/2023 20:52

I spent my 30th birthday in a nursing home. My first DH was a week away from dying of a brain tumour and we had two young children (then 4 and 2). So you know, it could be worse.

I'm 37 now, done a lot to turn my life around during my thirties.

@Sapphire387 so sorry.

At 30 I had a six week old DC, had been with DH for 10 years and was newly promoted in my chosen field.

By 33 my DH had died and I was pregnant again.

Life can turn on a dime, for good and bad.

Rufus27 · 10/01/2023 21:00

I had just moved from my parents into my own home, single and career obsessed.

Two years later I was burnt out, unhappy at work and in a relationship which was going nowhere.

By 37 I’d taken a demotion to a job I actually loved (similar work but less stress) and had just met my current partner.

Im now 50, still doing the job I loved and we now have a 5 and 7 year old.

I’ve always got there in the end, but at my own pace!

nadjasknee · 10/01/2023 21:01

At 30 was married, in a job I loved but struggling with infertility which consumed my life for a long time. On paper I had a great life, but felt a total failure.

TreeMate · 10/01/2023 21:01

I was married and expecting my second child, but having kids in my 20s had completely fucked up a promising career at that point. I’d just had a miscarriage (between DC1 & DC2), was a SAHM and was feeling a bit shit about myself and wondering where all that early promise had gone.

My friends were all single and working and playing hard at that point. I remember that Christmas they fucked off to the Caribbean for a luxurious holiday of cocktails and white sand beaches, and I was stuck at home with no job, a toddler and morning sickness, feeling like a big fat loser.

Life evolves. We’re all 45-ish now. I retrained at 32 and have a completely different career. My friends all had kids later (35-39 for their first), so they’re in the thick of child rearing. We’ve all changed and been through so much in our 30s and early 40s. If you’re lucky and healthy, life is long. You can switch it up completely at 30 if you want to!

BabyFour2023 · 10/01/2023 21:03

DH and I had just started our 2nd business, married with 3 children and just put our first house on the market to hopefully buy our forever home.

Now in our gorgeous new home and can’t see us ever moving again. Also pregnant with our 4th and final baby.

minopd · 10/01/2023 21:06

Have a look at Susan Jeffers' books. Start with Feel the fear and do it anyway. If you can get past the Americanisms it can be very helpful in changing your mindset. A change of mindset can lead to the things you want.

.

Coffeecreme · 10/01/2023 21:07

i had my ds, and had just gone back to work when he was 10 months,
so commuting
very tough commuting - just for 3 months. hurray, trying to find part time role nearer home.
2 months after my 30th i did get a part time role nearer home, but a job share was not easy but by 34 i had 3 dc
still with the same partner as now less said about that the better!

PermanentTemporary · 10/01/2023 21:07

I was unbearably miserable in my first marriage. I'd been married 3 years and my husband had had a vasectomy because he didn't want kids. More than that, we had completely different priorities and I was constantly trimming what I did and said to avoid conflict. I was hugely obese and in a job i found impossible. I could hardly believe my life had crashed so badly.

I left him just before I was 31 and knew I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than spend another day with him. I met dh 3 years later and had ds within 18 months. At 39 I started retraining for the job I still do now.

PointersPlease · 10/01/2023 21:08

I left teaching at 29, retrained for a couole of years and changed careers, which took a while to establish. Met DH at 35.

2chocolateoranges · 10/01/2023 21:08

At 30 , dh and I had been married 7years and had a 5 yr old and a 3 year old, I was working behind a bar in the evening to make money. While dh worked days enabling me to stay home with the kids during the day. Couldn’t see myself doing it for ever. It took me to turning 40 to get my shit together, joined the gym, lost 2 stone, went back to college and gained an HNC allowing me to do my dream job. Fast forward a few years and I’m happy in a job I love .

what motivated me was I set small goals

eg lose a stone, find a new job, lose another stone etc.

CellarDoreen · 10/01/2023 21:09

I was married with an ok job, a good degree and pregnant with my first DC. But my mum also died and my career was a bit iffy.

I'm going to turn 40 this year and I've just quit my job and am in a bit of a panic about what to do next.

bitoffrostbitethere · 10/01/2023 21:09

30 was when I was in my lowest point of my career as it seems like there wasn't an option to progress in my organisation and I knew I was capable of it, I was renting a flat in London with my partner and going out about four nights a week.

By 34 I had my dream job, was pregnant, and had bought a flat in London. I wish I'd known that at 30! But then again I wish I'd known that so I could have jacked it all in and gone travelling! World is your oyster, don't waste it.

Rocket1982 · 10/01/2023 21:10

I was living in a different continent in a job I loved but short term and insecure. Had been married for 5 years. On my 30th birthday I was 24 weeks pregnant and suffering from hyperemesis which I thought I was finally getting over. I threw my birthday lunch which I had just finished back up on to my plate. There was no other option on the concrete balcony we were on far from the toilets! Not a great day, but 10 years later at 40 I have 2 kids and a secure job and pretty happy with my life.

Mistonthemountains · 10/01/2023 21:11

30 - retrained in a job I enjoyed, single, making some fairly terrible personal decisions, bad mental health and drinking too much

38 - happily married, 2 young kids, still enjoy my job but part time now, sorted out my mental health and am teetotal.

A lot can change but you need to make the effort as well. Good luck x