Is this a normal way to split money?

[wakkasakka]

I am a SAHM, my youngest is in nursery for the mornings. DP works.

The mortgage and bills are paid, food and petrol etc allocated for.

We then split the remaining money like this

-money for kids activities
-money for savings

Then what's left we split between us. This ends up being £300 each.

I think this is normal and how most families operate. (Meaning the SAHP isn't left with nothing for themselves)

My DP seems to think I am really lucky and should be eternally grateful 🙄

What happens if you were to split up? Not married. Not in work. No pension. No rights to anything. A seriously long career break of 10 years planned unless I'm mistaken. I wouldn't want to go there.

@wakkasakka unfortunately as you has chosen to procreate with a loser and leave yourself in such a vulnerable position by not even being married, you unfortunately don't have the pleasure of being a SAHM . Childcare costs need to come out of both wages and not just yours.

People can be so unnecessarily harsh!

I must admit it’s a bit overwhelming how much I despise the vile, abusive, failing, inadequate, controlling, hideously entitled cunts of men I read about on this site every freakin’ day. I probably need to pack in reading it.

This is how I feel. I am contributing by raising our children 🤷🏼‍♀️

It's the fair way but many men are financially abusive. You shouldn't have to be eternally grateful that your chap isn't one of them.

We just have one account for everything and we both spend what we want from it. Neither of us spends excessively. We just buy what we need in terms of clothes etc. We accept that our earnings will vary. I earn more now, but my partner has earned more over the last few years. We just don't really care that much about money and who has what as long as we both have what we need.

"This is how I feel. I am contributing by raising our children"

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks - what matters is what your partner thinks. And he thinks you should be grateful for anything financial he gives you

We share everything. I am a sahm but want to get back to work soon.
We do t allocate spending money we just buy what we want. He likes tech, my hair cut and colour costs a lot (for example). Sometimes I'll spend a bit in a month and he won't and vice versa. It just depends on what we want or need.
I do t feel grateful. We are a partnership.

I just had a card to the joint account when I was a SAHP. Not sure it needed actually divvying up but each to their own

Everything has always gone into one pot here, whether I've worked full time, part or SAHP, and we always have the same amount each, each month.

While DH has been working more hours, I've done childcare, all of shopping, most of house chores and gardening (unless he gets a bee in his bonnet about something, I'm not bothered about), cook 95% of meals, taken cats to vets, car for repairs and emergency house repairs to save him taking time off, done more decorating. This all means extra quality time for him. We're a team, and luckily there's never had an issue with money.

So he doesn’t do much around the house (could be argued that that’s okish as you’re a SAHM) but he doesn’t actually look after his own kids either?

Does he engage with them?

Do you ever go out on your own or with friends?

This is how we do it, DH works I'm stay at home with no kids yet (hopefully soon).

All day to day stuff (food etc) I spend from joint account, if it's a larger purchase I'll let him know beforehand. I have my own bank account where money from my small business goes, that's mine to do with what I like. I also have a few bills that come out of my account and I just let him know and he transfers me the money for them.

This works for us and we never argue about money.

I understand your choice to stay home, but then ..that is your choice. If you want more money for yourself you’ll have to go back to work. I don’t think he is being unreasonable at all. You have £300 to yourself, that is ok in my opinion.

Between dh and I, it's all family money , we've a joint account and spend from that. Before having a child I insisted on it being that way.

No it isn’t equitable. Your pensions comes out of the pot before spends are split. He doesn’t get a £500 mileage allowance, he gets what he uses. If he used £200 then you also need an extra £300 mileage allowance to make it fair.
Just because he is the sole earner absolutely doesn’t make it his money. How does he think he would earn it if he had to work part time and pay for childcare??

Is he happy with you not working? How long till they’re both in school ft?

I don’t think you should be grateful but you’re not married - a choice you’ve presumably both made - and you’re pretty much at the mercy of his good will. He might be a bastard but he’s the one holding the cards.

Bit harsh to call him a bastard?
I thought that initially then realized he has an extra £600 for work expenses but most of the time works from home and also expects op to be "eternally grateful" for having spending money and thinks she " lucky"

If you both are already paying for five half days of nursery, why not condense them into two longer days and work those two?

You are leaving yourself quite vulnerable here.

Have you ringfenced your deposit? In case of a sale/split?

Why have a second dc with a man who does fuck all with the kids or in the house?

It seems a fair split on the face of it. I agree that saying you should be grateful is bonkers. You should be grateful that he isn't a twat about money? I also agree with pp that you are vulnerable and have given him all of the power. The good thing is that you are joint homeowners.
I do understand why you don't want to go back to work yet, and you said that he has higher earning ability anyway, so if it was me I would be looking at OU courses. It's about setting yourself up and protecting yourself for the future.

We have 2 kids, not married. We split bills and childcare 50/50 and what's left of our wages is our own. I know it's not the done way on MN but it works for us.

Initially your way seemed sensible other than him feeling like he's doing you some sort of favour but from your updates, he's a twat who obviously has no idea that your contribution (raising his kids) is just as valuable as his is.