Are your DC having a better childhood than you did?

[TheKitchenWitch]

I've been thinking a lot about this recently. This time of year makes me think of my parents, both of whom passed away a few years ago. I had a lovely childhood, and I often think back and admire the way my parents did things or handled various situations.

I try my best, but I don't think I'm as good a parent as they were - I'm too worried, I think too much, I'm too controlling. Some of this is because we live in a very different world today than we did in 70s suburban england, and I am reacting to what I think are modern pressures and "dangers". But some of it is just me (and obvs DH, but this is more about my perspective. DH had a bit of a crap childhood so I think from his view our DC have a much better one iyswim).

My children are primary and high-school aged. They are not having the childhood I had, at all. They will look back and yes, there will be lots of lovely things and they know we love them more than anything, but they are not carefree and when I think back to my childhood, that is the overriding memory from that time - I was utterly carefree.
(Also do realise that there is going to be a certain amount of rose-tinted-spectacles going on here)

Anyway, all these musings made me wonder what others felt about it all.

A million times better than my childhood thankfully.

Dp had a relaxed, comfortable childhood living near the sea with lots of friends and loving parents and playing outdoors all day etc. He wasn't pressured on schoolwork, noone gave him a hard time for not doing homework or a poor school report.

As he got older however he wished his parents had pushed him to try harder academically. He got there in the end but feels he could have done with more discipline and being pushed more. He feels there were low expectations and aspirations for him.

Whatever childhood you have, its the childhood your parents want you to have. Which might not be what you want.

Yes and no. We are financially better off than my parents were and DC benefit from that.

However my parents met and married at a time in the U.K. when social mobility was a lot easier. They were immigrants in low paid jobs but managed to buy a large house in London. Sent all 4 of us kids to University and didn’t incur any costs as it was free back then.

We had very little money and my parents worked all hours so had no time for us really but I don’t think ‘spending time with your kids’ was such a big thing. I doubt there were as many angst ridden parents back then as there are now.

There was no social media and I do look back and think it was generally a simpler, less stressful time to be a child. DD is 9 and already crying about being left out of WhatsApp groups as her friends all allegedly have phones and she needs to set up a TikTok account and a YouTube channel…

I’m not sure if all the material benefits I’m able to shower on my kids makes their childhood better but I think I’m a better, more present parent than mine ever were.

You can't know - their experience of childhood may be wonderful for them. They have nothing to compare it to.

This is true thank goodness. My father grew up in rural Ireland and has many fond memories which he probably wishes we could have replicated, but despite enjoying his tales I never once wished I could have lived that life. Also my mother has the fondest memories of growing up in a leafy redbrick north Dublin suburb, but I always found it rather quiet and depressing and was happy to get back to the swarms of kids and concrete walls.

Yes. All my dc have said they've enjoyed their childhoods which is what I wanted for them when I became a Mum.

Yes, absolutely. Not going to go into the reasons here but there is no comparison. I cant say they've enjoyed every moment of it but they've had more, and more enjoyable, opportunities. They've also had a lot more financial support as an adult.

Different childhood.

Much more acceptance in their peer groups.

They seem more individually confident.

Their education seems better.

Hard to compare we are in a completely different area and set up.

Definitely my child has a much better life than I did at his age. He is very much loved, we are a stable family unit and he has more materially than I could have ever dreamed of.

I do however worry that he might remember me as rushing around all the time, being busy, working a lot, saying “I’m just tired” all the time, having to make time for him and plan time together rather than just being available for him.

I don't have the time I would like to take him on more play dates and I have less fun than I would like. It’s hard when both parents work.

His childhood is certainly better there are things I would like to change if I could.

I hope a much better childhood. Sadly much less money. But an absence of domestic violence and intermittent emotional abuse. I hope lots more love and laughter.
Will have to keep on hoping to win the lottery though.....

I think mine has a better childhood than me. My family were very poor, we were raised on a shoestring. I grew up in my brother's hand me downs, and holidays were a luxury we could not afford. My mother and father were also emotionally distant, I can't remember many hugs or kisses, even now as an adult I don't hug my mother. My mother was also "shouty" but again if I were on the poverty line with two kids I'd also be stressed and probably "shouty". My father left her destitute when I was of primary school age basically. This was in the 90's too so hardly Victorian Britain.

I do love my mother, she raised us well, both me and my sibling are well rounded adults, no criminal records, no drug or alcohol abuse and fully functioning and compassionate members of society, so my mother obviously did something right and deserves credit for raising two well adjusted good adults.

My child however despite the death of his father at a early age, really does have a cracking childhood. He gets luxuries like new clothes, new toys, holidays abroad. I'm also a more affectionate and loving mother, hugs and saying I love you are at the core of our relationship. I'm more patient, I talk to him not at him. I have shouted occasionally but not over every little thing. I parent with more focus on both physical wellbeing and emotional well-being. I am however probably a bit strict sometimes.

He still plays out like I did, with kids on the street on their bikes or down the local play park, so enjoys that freedom. I'm lucky with his ADHD that screen time is not a issue, he can't concentrate for that long on one activity!

He enjoys his childhood and I look and think, I hope I've done ok.

About the same I think. We're as skint as our parents were and live in similar housing in similar areas. They play out as much as we did, albeit not being allowed to go nearly as far as we were, and go to similar schools as us. We eat similar meals. I come out with the same sayings as my parents did. Dh and I have a similar relationship to my mam and step-dad and are still together.

Some aspects are better, some are worse.

Not really, no. I think they have a great childhood & are very fortunate but I think the constant on internet, social media etc at a younger age is an extra thing they have to worry about that I didn’t.

Also, although we have similar careers to the ones my parents had, we have a lot less disposable income so all the lovey mc experiences I had like annual ski trips & horse riding lessons etc etc aren’t something my own dc get (though they do get a good range of extra curricular stuff) we just aren’t wealthy in the same way my dp were even with similar professions. So they’re missing a bit of cultural capital in one sense.

My childhood was fine but I do much more with DC than my parents did with me. Soft play, outings and such like. I also had a slightly cold mother who didn't outwardly show her love. I'm really the opposite with mine. My parents are good people and I don't resent them at all. They did their best within their own personality, cultural norms etc and that's ok. But I do feel I have more resources than them and live in a different society.

I've just asked my 7 and 9 year olds if they're enjoying their childhood and they both said yes, they said they like all the holidays, playing with their friends and being free.

My childhood was OK, I was bought up on a typical 1970's housing estate and after school all the kids in the street would be out until dinner time, we can't do that where we live now but we have a caravan and they get that freedom there, this summer they were often out from 8am till 8pm with friends and I only saw them when they wanted food.

I'm a lot more relaxed than my own Mum, she was grumpy and short tempered a lot of the time and still is, I like to think I'm a fun parent and as long as they're being polite and well behaved we don't have many rules.

I do sometimes think I'm not grown up enough myself to be a parent despite being 44!

My kids have a much better childhood in terms of lifestyle - warm house, nice food, toys, clubs & activities etc when by comparison I now realise with hindsight money was tight for my poor mum who had struggles with a husband with addictions so periods of poverty and incidents of domestic violence. On the flip side of that I had loads of freedom to roam around wherever I wanted from a young age, very little homework.

The fact that my DD will get to have hobbies and go to
clubs is something that I’m already excited about.

My parents were always exhausted and said ‘no’ to every club or lesson because they couldn’t be bothered to drive me there. I had been asking to do activities since I was old enough to speak but was never allowed.

I felt like a bit of a literal pleb going to a uni where everyone had a sport or an instrument or something they were good at. My cultural capital was the eastenders omnibus.

I'd love to think mine and my DC's childhoods are comparable. I was a happy child in a loving, close family, and wanted for nothing.

Yes definitely, I’m not a natural mother and I am probably just about average as a parent, but my parents were awful and I have to try very hard to recognise where I’m repeating patterns. It’s bloody difficult. Also have a lot more money and time than when growing up.

Yes my children have had better childhoods than myself and DH but they have been through both my husband and me actually facing up to and dealing with the fallout of dealing with the abuse that blighted our childhoods which has had direct fallout for them.

Still that can’t be as bad as actually going through the abuse and I feel it is very functional for them to see us dealing directly with very, very challenging issues.

They had a better childhood.

If I talk about my childhood I frequently get remarks like, I did not know people lived in that level of poverty in Britain.

Yes, I think so. I really hope they'll overlook some of my mistakes though when they’re grown up.

Some very interesting thoughts here. Am just making my way through the posts.

@mondaytosunday
No, I can't really know, but I don't think they will look back on it as the wonderful time that I do to my childhood.
Life is just so much harder now, for all of us. So much more to worry and stress about for all of us.
School is so very different now, and (not in the UK so this is v. relevant) in absolutely no way whatsover better. It would in fact be my main reason if I ever moved away.

@caroleanboneparte
Wider society. Their childhood is so much worse! Poverty even when parents working. Housing costs mean overcrowding and sharing rooms. Social media. Porn culture. It's all so toxic. Much more competitive future ahead. More pressure to succeed. Debts loom on horizon. Will need more parental help for longer eg driving lessons, house deposit, funding postgrad etc. Higher bills. Erosion of rights and political corruption.
Absolutely this x1000