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Original poster

Are your DC having a better childhood than you did?

73 replies

TheKitchenWitch · 09/01/2023 12:14

I've been thinking a lot about this recently. This time of year makes me think of my parents, both of whom passed away a few years ago. I had a lovely childhood, and I often think back and admire the way my parents did things or handled various situations.

I try my best, but I don't think I'm as good a parent as they were - I'm too worried, I think too much, I'm too controlling. Some of this is because we live in a very different world today than we did in 70s suburban england, and I am reacting to what I think are modern pressures and "dangers". But some of it is just me (and obvs DH, but this is more about my perspective. DH had a bit of a crap childhood so I think from his view our DC have a much better one iyswim).

My children are primary and high-school aged. They are not having the childhood I had, at all. They will look back and yes, there will be lots of lovely things and they know we love them more than anything, but they are not carefree and when I think back to my childhood, that is the overriding memory from that time - I was utterly carefree.
(Also do realise that there is going to be a certain amount of rose-tinted-spectacles going on here)

Anyway, all these musings made me wonder what others felt about it all.

OP posts:
ILoveMyYuccaPlant · 09/01/2023 12:50

Quite different I'd say, i would walk to and from school on my own at 5 years old even though DM didn't work and I had to cross numerous roads to get there. Also, DM used to send me to the shops to buy cigarettes for her when I was 7 years old, this was across two roads (one of which was a busy main road). About the same age I was allowed out to play on my own in the street parallel to ours, as were a load of other kids. At 13 I was alone at home from 6am until 10pm as DF worked long hours. I survived all this (nearly got ran over by a lorry at age 6 though!) but would never give my DCs the same freedoms as I had.

SmileWithADimple · 09/01/2023 12:50

I had a happy childhood and I think my DC (now teens) are having a happy childhood too. I think some things are better about theirs and some are probably worse, but the most important thing is that they have parents who love each other and adore their kids, and I had that too.

Stunningscreamer · 09/01/2023 12:51

I had an awful childhood. Lots of anger and neglect. Very little love and affection. My children's childhood is much, much better. They were both loved and supported, and they always had someone who cared about them and would be there for them, and still is now. I'm sad my marriage hasn't been great but they have a decent relationship with their father despite this. I just wish they could have experienced parents who loved one another.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
ClarissaParry · 09/01/2023 12:52

Yes and no.

Yes - because I'm a much better mother than mine is.

No - because they don't play outside enough and the Internet rules everyone's lives in a way that simply didnt exist in the 80s. I hate it.

ILoveMyYuccaPlant · 09/01/2023 12:54

Meant to also say, parents had a messy split and divorce when I was still in primary school, their behaviour at the time wasn't great (used me and DB as weapons against each other), I've always remembered that. Both parents were neglectful in their own ways and I'd like to think I've done better with my own DCs so far.

Ponderingtosk · 09/01/2023 12:54

I think it may also depended where you lived as a child. We lived on a main road and weren’t allowed out the gate in 1970’s. DC lived on a quiet estate road and played out the front a fair bit in 1990’s.

my dc had lots and lots more toys but I think I treasured mine and enjoyed them more.

holidays were much the same as my parents didn’t have lots of money and neither did I as an single mother.

Hoppinggreen · 09/01/2023 12:56

I was going to say I hope so but the realised that I make damn sure of it

BareGrylls · 09/01/2023 12:57

Mine are in their 20s and their childhood was a world away from mine.

ME
My parents both worked. I was home alone a lot and did a huge amount of chores from age 10.
My parents had no clue or interest in what I did at school. They never knew where I was.
We were poor. Not hungry but no luxuries. No holidays, never went to a restaurant until I was 18.
I helped my parents financially.

MY DC
My DC had a parent at home all of the time. I worked around school hours and then DH retired while DC were 10/11.
We nurtured education and educated them ourselves on top of school.
They did plenty of sports and activities but we always knew where they were.
Materially they were not spoiled but we had lots of holidays including a couple abroad each year.
We continue to give financial help to our adult DC in various ways.

Phos · 09/01/2023 12:58

In some ways yes, in others no.

She has a lot more opportunities than I had, goes more places, goes to a decent school. On the other hand I had more freedom to explore, play outside alone etc. Perhaps those things will come with time, she's still quite young but we unfortunately don't have friends in our immediate locality (the only other children on our street are teens) and due to the nature of her school, her classmates are scattered all over.

DashingWhiteSergeant · 09/01/2023 12:59

Roughly the same, with less religion and more overt guidance if required, plus more willingness to discuss difficult topics.

edwinbear · 09/01/2023 13:05

I think so, yes. There is a similarity in that my parents were very middle class, we had a lovely home and my sister and I both went to private school. However, we lived about an hour away via school coach to school, so we were up super early, spent 2hrs a day 'commuting' and could never go to after school clubs, or go to the shops after school or at weekends with friends. We were really isolated in school holidays and rarely had/went to playdates.

DC are also at private school, we have a decent, 4 bed house in London. They don't have the 3 acres of land I had growing up (we have a garden the size of a postage stamp), but they are a 12min walk from school, so walk with their mates, they do activities after school every day and can pop round to friends/have friends here whenever they want. They can get themselves around on trains/buses and go to the cinema/McDonalds independently and have full weekends of sports clubs/fixtures. I think they'd hate to live out in the sticks like I did.

mondaytosunday · 09/01/2023 13:13

You can't know - their experience of childhood may be wonderful for them. They have nothing to compare it to.
I've commented on other threads how 'Christmas isn't the same as when I was a child'. Well of course not. One is an adult now and experiencing all the effort that goes in to producing a good Christmas. The ame with childhood - you can't compare theirs to yours. They may in fact pity you that you didn't have computers or internet or a gazillion TV channels and so on!

gianfrancogorgonzola · 09/01/2023 13:19

Theirs is much, much better than mine was.

OneCup · 09/01/2023 13:26

Materially my DC has more, by way of toys, activities/sports, holidays than I ever had.
I'd like to think DC is as much loved as I was.
I do think however that they have a less innocent childhood than I had. We would just play on the street with neighbour kids, etc, which DC don't do. Playdates are so much more regimented. Not the end of the world but it all feels less carefree.

Luana1 · 09/01/2023 13:26

Mine are having a better childhood for sure, they don't have as many siblings to play with, however they don't have a physically and emotionally abusive mother. Materially we live in a bigger house in a much nicer area to where I grew up, but I don't know if that is particularly better as if we lived somewhere smaller and in a less desirable area, they wouldn't know any difference!

AJ2009 · 09/01/2023 13:27

I was one of a few kids growing up with not much money so not much for us to do in terms of going places or holidays.
Also I had a horrible step dad who hated my dad so always arguments around that. I would say my childhood was happy until he came into my life at a young age.

My child's life couldn't be more different. He is an only child so does tend to get what he wants, his dad does spoil him a lot. He goes on holiday and days out.

One thing that's different between his childhood and mine is that I'm scared to let him out much with his friends because my area has had several stabbing recently. I spent my childhood out for hours with friends to get away from stepdad.

stbmum · 09/01/2023 13:32

Yes and no.
I have autism and my family were completely well off, we had lots of holidays, nice big house, lots of expensive gifts for birthdays/Xmas and treats.
But they didn't believe in autism and didn't accept it, so I struggled through my childhood with an invisible disability. And now have no contact with my family.

My dc don't have such luxuries, we have a small house earn a low income, holiday in Cornwall and do what we can birthday/Xmas.
But one of our dc has autism and I support them and accept them and adapt to their needs and give them unconditional love.
I would say my dc have what I really needed, I gave up my inheritance so my dc didn't have to feel the way I did.

caroleanboneparte · 09/01/2023 13:35

Their home life is better because they aren't being abused. They are safe.

Their education is better because they're not getting bullied. Their schools suit them and they have good friends.

Holiday wise about the same. Which probably isn't as good as their contemporaries.

Personal possessions. The same. TVs/ screens in room the norm. Plenty of access to media.

Leisure. They probably have it a bit better. Less cinema because there are t as many good films these days and the cinema is relatively more expensive. But more soft plays as they weren't a thing when I was young. All did a mix of extra curriculars.

Wider society. Their childhood is so much worse! Poverty even when parents working. Housing costs mean overcrowding and sharing rooms. Social media. Porn culture. It's all so toxic. Much more competitive future ahead. More pressure to succeed. Debts loom on horizon. Will need more parental help for longer eg driving lessons, house deposit, funding postgrad etc. Higher bills. Erosion of rights and political corruption.

MassiveSalad22 · 09/01/2023 13:38

Depends on your benchmark but I think so. Less space in the house but it’s tidier, more money, always trying new activities, more travel, more playtime. More ‘yes’-es basically. I’m a more fun mum than my mum. I think.

BasicDad · 09/01/2023 13:40

Growing up around social media, I'm not so sure.

dottiedodah · 09/01/2023 13:47

Its difficult to compare I think .My DC had a totally different life .After School Activities ,Holidays, and I was a SAHM as well.As a child Mum was a SP (Dad died) and My Nan and Grandad co parented me .I loved them and was happy with this arrangement.Mum had to work hard and didnt drive.No one has a 100% good time with few problems then or now.I played out a lot and we lived in London ,Live near the sea now ,which is good.DC have not had the same freedoms now

fastandthecurious1 · 09/01/2023 13:49

My childhood was great in terms that I had two good parents very focused on me however they did not parent well together at all and unfortunately brought a lot of tension, fear and worry into my childhood when they were at loggerheads which was a fair bit.

My son will have the same focus and attention/material childhood I had not to miss out knowing he was loved as I did... however he will also have a loving environment where he won't have to worry about his parents and be afraid in his room at night.

HamBone · 09/01/2023 13:49

Financially far better, as my parents had to be v. careful. Also far less anxiety-inducing as my parents had physical and mental health issues so some pretty scary things happened while I was growing up. Nothing scary or worrying has ever happened to my two and they’re both far less anxious about life than me.

On the other hand, they have far less freedom as we live in a city instead of a village, plus parents are generally more cautious nowadays. I’d be off on my bike for hours in the summer holidays, for example, climbing trees and messing about in streams. No one worried as long as we were all home by 6. I wish my children had experienced similar.

stopbeeping · 09/01/2023 13:52

Honestly? I don't know

I think my children have less material possessions then I did, have smaller bedrooms, have less expensive clothes. We live in a less affluent area.

But I have a lot of time with my children. I wish my parents were working less when I was little.

I think my children have more emotional availability from me and my husband then we did growing up.

But their childhood is one with less money then mine and so therefore they have less expensive stuff and don't go to as many amazing places

I think my children probably have a better childhood then I did but I think we all do our best to raise our children and it's very hard to know if it's the right choice or not.

Interesting thread I have to catch up and read some of these posts

resipsa · 09/01/2023 13:57

I often think about this question. I had a great childhood and reflect on it more as I get older. Stability, big house, no money worries (that I was made aware of, at least), a sibling close in age, lots of friends, freedom to roam, good education and all in a close knit community. I strive for it all for mine but the same sort of life is just not obtainable now. They seem happy, though.