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Original poster

is this rude or fair enough?

39 replies

amaryllis134 · 09/01/2023 08:12

honest answers appreciated!
If you're out with a group of friends, male and female, who you've known a long time and you pop out to the loo, return and two of your friends (the only two women in the group, the others are their husbands) are making arrangements to meet for a walk/coffee shop etc midweek (they know you don't work every day of the week so could definitely make it too), would you find this rude, or just shrug it off?

OP posts:
Workinghardeveryday · 09/01/2023 08:13

Rude!

Wibbly1008 · 09/01/2023 08:14

I would have found it rude years ago, but now I know what nasty arses most people are I would probably shrug. You get used to disappointment in the end!

Knobknob · 09/01/2023 08:19

I'd think they're my Friends so probably say - sounds good but I can't do Wednesday (or whatever), when we meeting.

I wouldn't assume I'm excluded tbh

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Original poster
amaryllis134 · 09/01/2023 08:25

the reason I thought I was excluded was because the one time I went to the loo,
over a 5 hour evening, was when they discussed it!

OP posts:
oudie · 09/01/2023 08:28

I think it's ok for friends of a group to meet without everyone so I wouldn't be fussed by it. It was probably discussed in your absence because it wasn't relevant to you.

gogohmm · 09/01/2023 08:29

It's just coincidental, conversation flows, I strongly doubt they waited to discuss when you were in the toilet because if they didn't want you to know they would have not discussed it that evening!

Knobknob · 09/01/2023 08:30

amaryllis134 · 09/01/2023 08:25

the reason I thought I was excluded was because the one time I went to the loo,
over a 5 hour evening, was when they discussed it!

They'd probably have stopped when you came back if it was secret.

What happened? Did they say - but we're not meeting with you amarllis134?

Original poster
amaryllis134 · 09/01/2023 08:31

no, but they quickly changed the subject and a few uncomfortable back and forth glances my way

OP posts:
Knobknob · 09/01/2023 08:32

And what did you say?

Changingplace · 09/01/2023 08:33

It sounds like it just happened to come up in conversation when you went to the loo, if it was a secret they wouldn’t have carried on talking about it in front of you when you came back.

Why did you assume you weren’t invited?

DuncanBiscuits · 09/01/2023 08:33

I hate this sort of thing. I’d be hurt and gradually fade them out, tbh. I just don’t have time for crap friends any more.

And in my experience, the vast majority of ‘friends’ turn out crap.

Original poster
amaryllis134 · 09/01/2023 08:35

I assumed I wasn't invited because if it was me, I'd have said "oh, high amaryllis, we're going for a coffee on Wednesday, want to come?"

OP posts:
Original poster
amaryllis134 · 09/01/2023 08:35

hi not high!

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 09/01/2023 08:36

Maybe a bit, but I meet with a group of friends regularly and when there might arrange a lunch with one of them, or a dog walk with another. We aren't all attached at the hip. I wouldn't be organising a group dinner that excludes one person, but one to one meet ups are normal within larger friendship groups surely?

Original poster
amaryllis134 · 09/01/2023 08:37

yeah, I agree, it just seemed a bit off to chat about it when I went to the loo and continuing when I came
back. Couldn't they have arranged via whatsapp 🤣

OP posts:
Somebatshitteryonhere · 09/01/2023 08:38

I guess your thinking is they are not permitted to meet without you, you are entitled to be there, or that they are not permitted to make such arrangements in front of you?

longwayoff · 09/01/2023 08:40

Bloody hell OP you sound like Prince Harry. Let it go. Do something else yourself.

Original poster
amaryllis134 · 09/01/2023 08:43

no, it's not that. I see some of them separately, but wouldn't make arrangements in front of the other one! Just feels impolite I guess

OP posts:
oudie · 09/01/2023 08:45

amaryllis134 · 09/01/2023 08:37

yeah, I agree, it just seemed a bit off to chat about it when I went to the loo and continuing when I came
back. Couldn't they have arranged via whatsapp 🤣

I thought they 'quickly changed the subject'?

Original poster
amaryllis134 · 09/01/2023 08:46

they did, but I'd already heard the gist of the convo by then!

OP posts:
Original poster
amaryllis134 · 09/01/2023 08:47

(probably because they didn't see me arrive back in my seat straightaway!)

OP posts:
JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 09/01/2023 08:48

They didn't do anything wrong. They all know you can't meet at the time they are suggesting so I can't see what the issue is. You can't expect them to all stay at home because you can't meet up.

Original poster
amaryllis134 · 09/01/2023 08:52

it's really interesting hearing other view points, which is why I posted here. I guess this is definitely something I wouldn't do, as I'd consider it poor form and a bit rude, but can understand why others feel differently.

OP posts:
Original poster
amaryllis134 · 09/01/2023 08:53

oh and I can/could meet at this time. I work weird hours so am often around during the week.

OP posts:
restorativejustice · 09/01/2023 08:55

Maybe they want to meet to discuss something specific to them? Sometimes I might meet a friend to discuss something in particular that mightn't usually be part of general conversation. Don't stress about it.

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