If you know a midwife in a hospital you are giving birth in?

[tempnanejs]

I am an anxious person, however due to give birth soon and I have no option but to go to the local Hospital which is quite big. I know a women who is a midwife in this hospital and I have got myself feeling incredibly anxious about her being present during my labour.

I mean what are the odds that she would be assigned to me but I still cannot get it out of my head. If she was advised to come to me would she naturally say oh no I know this person so can't do her or do they have no choice but to go to who their told to.

My biggest concern is when they bring an extra midwife in for the pushing stage and from my other deliveries I cannot ever recall this other person due to focusing on the birth. I do not want her near me at all but also do not want to raise this as an issue prior. Would a midwife always decline in this scenario to save all feelings of discomfort.

no. my sister’s baby was delivered by her neighbour! but you can ask to not have her come in

Why don’t you want to raise it before? Don’t make it needlessly harder for yourself. Just tell your midwife during your appointments that you’d rather not have this person you know in your care for privacy reasons. If it’s a big hospital there will be other midwives.

Put it in your birth plan that you don't want her to treat you.

I don't want to draw attention to it or for it to get back to your I just hope I'm aware enough to recognise people coming into the room so can speak up if she does appear. Why would she not say no though if she seen my name on the board and was asked to come in.

Surely there is a consent thing there.

Why don’t you want her there?

She wouldn't say no because her job is to ensure you and your baby are safe and healthy. To her you're just another patient.

You can say you don't want her to treat you but ultimately you might not get a choice if the wards busy.

She’d just be treating you like any other woman in labour. There’s no requirement for them to excuse themselves if they know someone, they’re just doing their job. If you don’t want them there it’s up to you to raise it.

Really unlikely I'd say. Midwives usually only work 3 shifts per week if full time, she may be on annual leave, training etc.

I would hope that on the off-chance she is assigned to you she would ask you if you're happy for her to be there, which is your opportunity to then say you'd rather not, thank you. I think it's perfectly understandable that you don't want her there.

She may be involved in your after care depending how long you stay for, but hopefully you'll find that less intrusive?

Wouldn’t it be easier to raise it confidentially in advance with another midwife rather than waiting to see if she comes into the room when you’re focused on giving birth?!

I’m a midwife and if it was a friend or friendly acquaintance, I would ask if they wanted me to care for them but wouldn’t take offence if they said no.

If it was someone I didn’t have a good relationship with, I would avoid them like the plague.

In an emergency though you can end up with any/all available staff in the room.

I'm not a midwife but I work in a hospital. If we recognise a patient then we usually just tell the rest of the team so we are not assigned to them. Lots of people wouldn't want to treat someone they know.

You need to speak up first, not wait until you are pushing.
No one will be offended.

I don’t know how if works amongst midwives, as I’m a cancer nurse specialist. However, over the years, if I see a patient who is known to me, we as a team try to ensure that there is someone else standing by who could see the patient if we can’t. I simply ask the patient if they are ok with me seeing them, or if they would prefer someone else. Sometimes you’re not aware until you’re F2F with them that you know them, as common names could be someone else. However, obviously, this is sometimes a bit of bugger to rearrange, but you can’t forge a therapeutic relationship with someone who’s uncomfortable with you. If it’s an emergency, this doesn’t apply. I’d simply speak to your midwife and explain.

Raise it first, if she's a nasty piece then they need to know, or they may have concerns themselves. Ignore the just doing their job bollocks, that's how people slip through the net.

I have a couple of midwife/nursing friends. None would take offence at you requesting they are not part of your care team. Emergencies not included.

If you know her well enough I'd let her know directly, you won't be the first or last to have requested it, but I agree with others speak up early.

Even though it's just her job I'm a very private person and don't feel comfortable with this person seeing my vagina and any other bodily fluids during labour. It will cause me a lot of distress and also ruin my birth experience. Besides the fact I will have to see her face to face for the next few years but we are not close. She also j owes other people I know and I just don't know how trust worthy she is.

I understand when people say to speak up but if I speak up early then she will be told that I have requested this and I just don't want to bring that attention to it. I am just hoping she's not on shift or she at least declines if my name pops up.

I would not have any issues if it was any other treatment in hospital however I feel childbirth is just a very personal, private and vulnerable experience and depending on what is happening I may not be of sound mind but I know it would cause me a lot of distress after.

I doubt very much she wants to see your vagina either and will be more preoccupied with your and your baby’s safety rather than looking it at. But as others have said, you’ll unlikely going to be in any sort of position to communicate this when you’re in the end stages of labour so you’d be best communicating it beforehand. Particularly if on reflection you’re likely to feel distressed afterwards if you’re not able to

A girl I grew up with was a midwife at the hospital when I had my son. She was working but had a cold sore so was on admin only when I was there.

But tbh I couldn’t have given a shit who was up in my business at the end… just wanted my baby out and it all to be over 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think you are massively over-estimating how much she will care either way - either if she attends you, or if you request that she doesn't.

I had this, a relative is a midwife in my local hospital. When in labour she popped in to see me, just to be friendly. She told me she saw my name when she came on shift, but because we hadn't had the conversation about her attending my dc's she allocated another midwife. I told her I would have been fine with her attending, so she assisted / held my hand at the end, which was lovely.
I have a job where I deal with people at raw times, and I know some people i know well prefer not to see me, which I absolutely understand.

Is your birth partner good at advocating for you? If you let them know, they should be with it enough to check she’s not involved (again, emergencies excluded)

Why are you acting as if it is her responsibility to say no to doing her job?

If you don't want her there you must raise it beforehand, you have the choice now of feeling discomfort over raising it or discomfort over her being in the room. Make your decision, not don't be saying it's down to her to refuse to do her job.

I am just hoping she's not on shift or she at least declines if my name pops up.

Well she’s not going to decline is she? 🙄 She’s a medical professional whose job is to care for you, the same as any other labouring woman who might come in. If you’re not comfortable with her caring for you then it’s for YOU to advocate this, not her.

If you don’t want her there say so, hoping she will say she shouldn’t be there because she knows you is just ridiculous, some people wouldn’t have an issue with it and she may not even realise before she ends up assigned to your care.

Can't you just say 'I know Sarah Smith socially so I would prefer her not to be assigned to me if possible' or some such?