If you know a midwife in a hospital you are giving birth in?

[tempnanejs]

I am an anxious person, however due to give birth soon and I have no option but to go to the local Hospital which is quite big. I know a women who is a midwife in this hospital and I have got myself feeling incredibly anxious about her being present during my labour.

I mean what are the odds that she would be assigned to me but I still cannot get it out of my head. If she was advised to come to me would she naturally say oh no I know this person so can't do her or do they have no choice but to go to who their told to.

My biggest concern is when they bring an extra midwife in for the pushing stage and from my other deliveries I cannot ever recall this other person due to focusing on the birth. I do not want her near me at all but also do not want to raise this as an issue prior. Would a midwife always decline in this scenario to save all feelings of discomfort.

Saying no to her on the day/night is daft as it could leave you without care.

Far better to raise the issue beforehand.

As there has been no prior animosity or at least you haven’t said there has been, big more that she is someone you know somewhat socially, I can’t see why you can’t make the reasonable request to her or to the hospital that you don’t want her in attendance.

With all due respect you are making it into a big drama in your mind over something that is perfectly easy to sort out.

OP, it really won’t matter to you at the time - your only focus will be on coping with labour and delivering your baby. By that point, you wouldn’t care if your entire street of neighbours were in the room!

I was a hospital doctor, and gave birth twice in my own hospital.
ALL the midwives and obstetricians were my colleagues - as an anaesthetist, I was usually the one doing the epidurals and gassing the gynae lists - and though I was a bit concerned in advance about potential embarrassment, trust me, I wasn’t giving it a single thought when push (literally!) came to shove.

It’s not like there is a conflict of interests. You both want the same thing - a healthy baby and mother by the time the pregnancy ends, so why would the midwife recuse herself? She has no idea of this particular area of anxiety for you. At your next prenatal, give the person you see a note to add into your file, stating your preference to not have this person present during your labour (emergencies permitting) and get on with having a good pregnancy.

It's perfectly reasonable for you to have on your notes that you would prefer not to be treated by xxxx because your know her socially and would feel awkward. No animosity, just statement of fact

I agree with others that you can't rely on her saying no. To her it would be just her doing her job and likely wouldn't think anything of it. If you don't want her to be there it would benefit you to make that known!

Seems a bit immature all this. usually professional adults wouldn't go running to others to 'tell' on their patient, ie if you asked your midwife and phrased it sensibly like someone has above, neither would a professional midwife go running to other people you know to tell them about your genitals. I appreciate pregnancy is a worrying time but I think you've made a mountain out of a molehill here!

As a midwife my default is not to attend anyone I know personally unless they have asked me to. I would explain to the midwife in charge at handover so I would be allocated someone else- it's not a big deal. Also as midwife in charge I have done this for others. That said, if there's an emergency and the buzzer is pulled she might well come in as it's all hands on deck at that point.

She will not be able to divulge anything she knows about your labour and birth socially as that would break confidentiality.

Speaking as a midwife - unless there's been a prior discussion between the midwife and the woman, we would never request to look after someone we know. The midwife in charge would take it into consideration and allocate someone different. In case of emergency then yes she may come in but depends how much help is needed from others.

I'm a midwife and had this situation. I would expect the midwife to give you the choice but if not you need to be brave and ask for someone else if you are not comfortable. You need to feel as relaxed as possible when giving birth. She won't take it personally. She might even be relieved too.

If I recognised a name on the board I’d ask if they wanted me to care for them, some people really value having a familiar face there, others like you would be mortified to have had me there and for me to see them in a vulnerable state. I wouldn’t just automatically decline though.

I’m a midwife and I would probably ask not to care for you if I was on shift. And would get the midwife caring for you to check if it was ok if I needed to come in as a 2nd at any time (this could be to check drugs, check a ctg trace, listen to the fetal heart, or for delivery).
But this isn’t always possible.

Im a senior mw now which would mean having an overview and potentially having some input in everyone’s care on the ward, in an emergency I couldn’t not enter your room if needed.

I can see where you are coming from.
I had similar worries prior to giving birth (one of the mums at my child's school was a midwife there).

However, when the time came and I was struggling to push my baby out, I wouldn't have cared who was present. In fact I probably would have welcomed a familiar face at that point.

Why would she not say no though if she seen my name on the board and was asked to come in.

Because she's just there to do a job and there is no official reason for her not to be there.
She probably wouldn't give it a passing thought tbh. You'd just be one of many mothers she has helped birth their children.

And if you work in an area close to where you live, as many people do, there could be lots of expectant mums you'd know in passing. She can't decline helping all of them.

You can make your wishes known however. That's the only way the hospital, and the midwife in question, could know that you'd rather not have someone you know in there.