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Original poster

Vasectomy and divorce

39 replies

BickertyBockerty · 06/01/2023 08:44

My mum has a weird theory that every single relationship in which the man has a vasectomy then goes on to break up.

She has a string of relationships she knows where this is the case amongst her friends/my friends/family friends. And I have to admit she's correct with her list of people this has happened to, she's not making it up.

In fact we don't know one couple who have had a vasectomy and are still together 10/15 years later.

Can I hear lots of stories where this is not the case, please? DH and I are thinking of a vasectomy but currently feel like it will doom our relationship.

Please prove my mum wrong!

OP posts:
Original poster
BickertyBockerty · 06/01/2023 08:45

Oh, and name changed for this as I feel like it might be outing! 😂

OP posts:
Verbena87 · 06/01/2023 08:49

I know two couples where the man had a vasectomy 30-35 years ago and both are still together. Plus another couple who are 5 years on from vasectomy and still together. I think your mum is experiencing cluster illusion/confirmation bias.

MegaClutterSlut · 06/01/2023 08:49

Dh had a vasectomy 10 yrs ago approx, we're still together. None of our friends have had a vasectomy so I can't compare

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Relationship problems
Jumbojem · 06/01/2023 08:51

Well it's only anecdotal isn't it? I'm surprised you know so many who openly let everyone know they've had a vasectomy. Surely it's possible that lots of the couple's you know may have had one and you just don't know?
Your DH needs to decide if the vasectomy is right for him and your relationship. That's it.

DowntonCrabby · 06/01/2023 08:52

Interesting and yes, a bit strange. DH had one 5 years ago, I suppose it’s too early for the theory to have had time to play out.

Parents and in-laws though are happily together 45-50+ years married and 35 years post vasectomies.

yetanothercleverusername · 06/01/2023 08:53

Well I hope not as my DH has just had one!
You say "In fact we don't know one couple who have had a vasectomy and are still together 10/15 years later" - that's far too long a timescale to make any sort of meaningful correlation, anything could happen over that length of time!

DrMarciaFieldstone · 06/01/2023 08:57

How do you know who has and hasn’t had a vasectomy amongst everyone you know? What a load of tosh.

Turefu · 06/01/2023 08:57

I know couple, where man had vasectomy, (late thirties) , then he met someone much younger , 20 or so and couple split up. Then he married younger woman. 10 years later they’re still
together, although I can’t help thinking perhaps decision about snip was too soon.

DisforDarkChocolate · 06/01/2023 08:58

I doubt you or you Mam are aware of the contraceptive choices of most of the people you know.

10 plus years post-vascetomy here and the only impact on our relationship is better sex.

Thesearmsofmine · 06/01/2023 08:59

How on earth would you know who has or hasn’t had a vasectomy. Most people just don’t discuss this stuff with everyone.

snapdragon12 · 06/01/2023 08:59

thats so bizarre. I've been thinking of all the friends and family I know who've had a vasectomy and 100% have split!

HarvestThyme · 06/01/2023 09:02

The vasectomy won't be the cause of relationship breakdown in any of those cases.

So, yes, let your dh have the procedure. You might split up in 5 years or 10 or 15 - but him having a vasectomy won't be the reason.

You know all the positives - no more worries for you about contraception or pregnancy, which for many women improves their experience of sex. I suspect it helps relationships more than harms them.

crochetmylifeaway · 06/01/2023 09:02

My husband had a vasectomy last year. Brother in law 7 years ago (they just got married last year too) and my dad and father in law both have and all are still married.

It's quite common for men to get one once their family is complete. It has no bearing what do ever on whether the relationship will last.

GolfEchoRomeoTangoIndia · 06/01/2023 09:03

DFIL had a vasectomy after DH was born (I know because DH mentioned it when he was having his). DPILs have just celebrated their diamond wedding anniversary with a letter from the late queen. We've just celebrated our silver, 15 years after DH's vasectomy.

houseonthehill · 06/01/2023 09:06

I think it's important that when a couple are discussing vasectomy that the man needs to be thinking about not only their relationship but the possibility of his future relationships, and that he should be able to express that.

Fluffycloudland77 · 06/01/2023 09:09

A lot of marriages break up though.

yaflouloci · 06/01/2023 09:10

Your Mum has a list 😵‍💫

Did she ask the couples outright when they divorced so she could check them off her list?

DH had a vasectomy 4 years ago. We don't have children, don't want them and I was tired of taking birth control.

We're going nowhere as far as I'm aware.

HackAttack · 06/01/2023 09:11

8 years post vasectomy for us, no issue

yaflouloci · 06/01/2023 09:12

Thesearmsofmine · 06/01/2023 08:59

How on earth would you know who has or hasn’t had a vasectomy. Most people just don’t discuss this stuff with everyone.

This. It's so bizarre that anyone outside a relationship knows whether there has been a vasectomy. Weird.

daybroke · 06/01/2023 09:14

My uncle had a vasectomy and he and my aunt were together for over 40 years after he had it done.

HarvestThyme · 06/01/2023 09:14

houseonthehill · 06/01/2023 09:06

I think it's important that when a couple are discussing vasectomy that the man needs to be thinking about not only their relationship but the possibility of his future relationships, and that he should be able to express that.

It's not about relationships, though. It's about children.

A man shouldn't have one if he still wants - and can afford and house - more children. Either with the current partner or a future partner.

If he doesn't want more children, it's a good choice.

shieldmaiden7 · 06/01/2023 09:15

4 years post snip and we split

NerdyBird · 06/01/2023 09:15

I know of a couple where the husband had a vasectomy and they later split up. But it had an awful lot more to do with the fact he'd been cheating on her for years than the vasectomy!

GolfEchoRomeoTangoIndia · 06/01/2023 09:17

yaflouloci · 06/01/2023 09:12

This. It's so bizarre that anyone outside a relationship knows whether there has been a vasectomy. Weird.

Show quote history

It's not a shameful secret though. I can very well see that if the subject comes up in conversation "can't make the five a side game on Saturday, I'm having the snip on Friday" then a chorus of "oh blimey, no I remember when I had it done, you won't want to risk a ball to the nads the day after!" and hilarious anecdotes would follow
from the other men in the group.

Footle · 06/01/2023 09:18

Nearly 40 years ago. There's a lot your mother doesn't know about my marriage though.