What was your life like this time three years ago?

[PrunellaDeVil]

Name changed for this but I’ve been here a long time.

I was getting ready to take the kids back to school this morning and it made me think about how different our lives were before the pandemic.

Then: kids were in wraparound care daily, DH and I drove or took the train to the office early every day, regularly travelled at weekends to see friends who lived an hour or so away, and took holidays abroad. You’d go into work with a cough or cold without thinking. Socialising after work was a regular thing…I miss nights out in London but not the childcare nightmare it caused.

Now: we both work from home most of the time, we walk the kids to school in the mornings. We spend a lot more time with friends who are local. The kids much prefer being at home when they can. Foreign holidays are rarer due to the hassle/cost/availability. People seem much more cautious to stay at home when ill, and our elderly relatives are still very worried about socialising with anyone who is around germs or young children (pretty much the same thing). We have friends who lost loved ones and aren’t over the trauma three years on.

How have your lives changed since pandemic?

Jan 2020 - working from home full time, one child in year 6 and the other taking a year out between year 2 and 3 of uni but living in his uni city preparing to travel.
I'd just been referred to the eating disorder services.

Jan 2023 - working from home full time, one child in year 9 and doing well, other other studying and happy.
No longer under the care of the ED team.

The bit in between is pretty hideous as it was for many people. Juggling working, home schooling, caring for a relative who took a sharp decline in their health, trying to stay on top of my own wellbeing. DS2 had a lot of support from the pastoral team at school as he really struggled. I'm a lone parent and did feel pretty isolated at times.

I did as much running and cycling alone as I could.

My job is secure, we all have good health and are doing OK.

Grandchild born Dec 2019 and my darling daughter was a lone parent and we had committed as a family to support her ..covid kicked in and we just as a family looked after each other . Bloody hard having 5 adults and newborn but we managed ,and as a family we are even closer .

My life has changed completely - 3 years ago my DH was diagnosed with cancer at the same time as Covid ramped up - he died 15 months post diagnoses and my life now just feels so much emptier and lonelier.

No different for me except my kids were younger and all were still at home. One is now at uni.
Work was the same. I loved WFH during the pandemic and actually thrived on it but there's no scope for that now.

Almost to this day three years ago my life imploded. I accompanied my aunt , who I cared for , to A&E as she had an extremely painful shoulder and chest pains. After a battery of tests and a few hospital admissions she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I'll never forget being in the oncologists office when she was told it was terminal and no treatment, apart from palliative care. She was admitted and when I accompanied her to the ward I wasn't permitted to go in with her. This was just weeks before total lockdown and I had yet to grasp the enormity of what was about to happen. The ward was completely closed to all visitors and it still haunts me that she received that news and couldn't have the comfort of her family around her. I didn't see her again until 10 weeks later....when I was allowed to visit for an hour as she was dying. I had to be kitted out in PPE, it was surreal like living out some dystopian nightmare. I was just one person , yet this was happening to hundreds of people . I don't think I'll ever forget the trauma of that time.
Also, during this time two of my sons came back to live with me. Both their long term relationships had broken down. I was surrounded by heartbreak and stress and it was really difficult just putting one foot in front of the other. My own health then suffered , physically and mentally.
Now three years on, I'm still not back to my former self and doubt I ever will be but life has improved.
My two sons are on the verge of moving out again. I'm so relieved they've found their feet again and best of all I'm going to be a granny soon....my first grandchild. Somewhere in the middle of all the soon and gloom I miraculously also acquired a significant other ......after ten years of celibacy and no dating at all! I'm almost scared to dare hope for my "happy ending". I think that after living through such stressful times it takes a while to achieve equilibrium again.

Jan 2020 - partner and I were planning to move in together. Covid hit and because of our circumstances (kids/number of bedrooms etc) meant that we had to isolate separately. DP MH went off a cliff edge and ultimately he broke up with me. Spent months feeling devastated. Had some counselling and worked keeping myself well whilst homeschooling and working. Wasn’t massively enjoying my job but it was okay. I was very much not a cat person.

Now - we got back together after several months. Lots of open honest chats. We still live separately - both agreed that works for us - I feel more loved and happier than I ever have been. He feels the same. We have wonderful times with each other, our kids and separately with friends. I have a new (dream) job and I have a cat!

Then: I was grieving my dad who died earlier that year. Just had had what turned out to be the last Christmas with my mum, as the following year she was not able to visit due to the travel restrictions. I threw the caution to the wind in summer 2020 and flew to visit her with my children. I am so glad that I did, because it was the last time we saw her. We were planning to visit in 2021, but instead, I flew to organise her funeral.
I was in the middle of the divorce, but still living with toxic, abusive EXH. The COVID was all over the news, but I was so focused on surviving the divorce, that I did not register the enormity of it.
The news finally hit home when the divorce was completed and I got locked down with the toxic EXH ,not knowing when we would be able to sell the house and move on.
Now: I have been in my new home for just over two years, having moved a week before Christmas 2020. I am enjoying peaceful life and being happily divorced. I am struggling financially in the current circumstances, miss my children when they are with EXH, but would never go back to the old life.
My mum lived long enough to see my “happy ending”, but I wish my dad could have seen it as well.

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This time 3 years ago my DD was almost 3 and had just started doing a couple mornings at preschool as well as a day at nursery . I worked 3 days a week, all in the office (over an hour commute each way) and DH was a shift worker, couldn’t wfh, also an hour each way commute. We were living in outer London. We had decided to put our house on the market in Spring 2020 and move to a large town near my parents, an hour away. We were TTC having had a miscarriage in Summer 2019. DH had decided to look for a new job as he no longer wanted to do shift work.

In early March 2020 I saw my nephrologist for a check up. I had called him to check he wanted to see me in person the day before as I had to get 3 different tube lines across London and there was lots in the press about covid. It was the start of the week when Ireland shut their schools and Boris was giving press conferences about how he’d shaken hands with covid patients. I remember the consultant shaking my hand when he walked in (probably the last time I shook hands!!) and then telling me I needed to be really careful to avoid this new virus as ‘if you catch it, it’s unlikely to end well for you’. I’d been seeing him for more than 10 years then, he’s very calm and measured and what he said scared me. He suggested that me and DH should wfh if we could and to take DD out of childcare for a bit. I called up nursery who scoffed at me and basically said they thought I was overreacting(!) and I asked my boss to wfh which she agreed to- a few days later the whole company was switched to wfh until September 2021. DH couldn’t wfh and we thought about whether he should move out into a hotel or studio for a few weeks to reduce the risks to me- didn’t do that in the end which was the right call looking back.

I am CEV so was advised to shield. I didn’t leave the house from March until June 2020. Luckily we had a nice garden. DH used to drive into work, wear a mask whilst there and then shower as soon as he got home. All our shopping was delivered and I used to disinfect it all before putting it away.

We both continued working throughout, my job is quite high pressure and I struggled working at home with a 3 year old by myself whilst DH was at work on the days we both worked (luckily only 2 days overlap most weeks). We’d been quite strict before about screen time but DD ended up watching loads so that I could work. We kept her out of preschool for over 6 months, she didn’t see any other children for most of that time as even when things opened up that summer we were still very cautious as CEV. I felt so guilty about that, especially as DD is an only child. Luckily DD is still very sociable and the only negative side effect of lockdown is that she’s a bit of a telly addict. She went back to preschool but never returned to that nursery!

Now, 3 years on, we have moved areas and live quite rurally, near my parents. DD is almost 6 and is happy and settled in school. We don’t have any more children- we stopped TTC when covid hit as I was in hospital for a lot of my pregnancy with DD and we thought it wouldn’t be sensible for me to have to do that again mid covid given I was high risk. In 2021 I was put on a new medication due to a decline in health which means I cannot get pregnant so we will never have another child- I haven’t quite made my peace with that yet. I now work 4 days a week, 1 or 2 in the office and the rest from home, which is better for work life balance. We couldn’t have moved here if I’d had to be in the office every day- wraparound care finishes at 5.30 which is useless if I’m in the office, so my DPs help out on that day. DH is still in the same job although looking to finally move and leave shift work behind- he still can’t wfh.

i feel like I’ve aged about 15 years in the last 3 years and since having covid in early 2022 I’ve been quite unwell and am still not feeling back to my ‘normal’. I don’t see friends as often and feel like some of my old friendships have drifted quite a bit, and that most people are now much more in their own little bubbles. I managed to lose a lot of weight in the first lockdown which has all gone back on, so getting that back off is my focus this year!!

I had two vocational roles. Hard work, low paid with variable hours. I was available for my children and had time for myself at home . DH in well paid office-based job which allowed me to do these roles which were really me.

Combination of Brexit and Covid really impacted DH's industry. He was made redundant in May 2020 and we had to live off savings for 8 months (my roles didnt pay enough) He'll never earn anything like he did, as his work is too volatile. He works from home almost exclusively. I had to give up the roles I enjoyed for stable/boring work - as an older woman i found it impossible to find a full time paid role in the area in which I wanted to work. I work 40:60 office: home. I have very little time for my family and am constantly tired. Just generally unhappy.

Covid very much changed my life and our family dynamic. I didnt know how lucky I was - and now I just plod on lurching from week to week.

Then: Ds was 15, had completed his NAT5 exam prelims just before Christmas and the results he had so far were good. We had a good Christmas break and he was getting himself ready for the final weeks of revision before exams (that would not happen) started at the end of April. I was constantly busy with a big project at work, commuting, supporting ds in his exams and supporting widowed mum in her own home who had many chronic health conditions, and keeping her entertained by taking her out and about.

Now: ds adapted well to online learning got great grades his NAT5 and also the next year Highers and is now studying engineering at uni. Also passed his driving test, got a PT job and is so independent now. I lost mum when she caught covid, still find the circumstances around it difficult. I still mostly WFH. I didn't know what to do with myself now ds and mum didn't need me and I had more free time from no longer commuting so flung myself into work and long hours, got a salary review/promotion and 60% payrise last year. Menopause has hit and I feel my 54 years now. Feel a bit lost and flat, I know I need to reclaim my work/life balance and get out more but don't really know what that looks like or how to do it.

Groundhog Day really: in Jan 2020 I had a very stressed husband and DC1 in Year13 about to take A levels.

I still have a very stressed husband and DC2 is in Year13,about to take A levels.

House same, parents same, job same.

Immeasurably worse than it is now.

3 years ago I was deep in the worst phase of my ED, on the verge of a work stress based breakdown and about to be signed off for 6 weeks (didnt know that at the time obviously).

Got signed off then furloughed as I was a pub manager. Went back after the pubs reopened and the stress was back in spades. I hadnt had a single migraine since I had been signed off and within a week I had two.

Then the lockdown again, and the first furlough was due to end so the company I worked for (MARSTONS) got rid of anyone they could because we had been with them less than 2 years. I was unemployed for about 5 months and then got a job with Co-op. Still there now. I am a till monkey with no real prospects but I have fun at work, have made some good friends and still get to enjoy the people facing role. I do want to do more so going back to Uni but I havent had a migraine since I left the pubs and have a much happier, if poorer, life. We manage :)

Life in Jan 2020 was great, but I heard from an old university colleague in January what was coming so was ready for lockdown when it happened. My business died 23rd March 2020 never to recover (Art events) as did my husbands events (tenting) business. We were both S/E sole traders. All events were cancelled and all the money and effort put into these big events was lost. We got no support from the government as expected because one of the qualifying years for a grant was not profit making. So no income at all. I knew this would happen, so with our last few hundred pounds I planted a veg garden and bought sacks of lentils and dried and canned food. We survived on that until Autumn 2020 when my DH got some odd jobs. I was always very strong and healthy but something went wrong at the end of 2020 and I got severe asthma from nowhere. I kept being given steroids, inhalers and antibiotics even though no doctor has ever seen me in 3 years. It was all done on a landline phone.

The worst for me is how old I have become from a fit, capable person who could walk miles, vault a gate and do hard manual work, to feeling very unwell, frail and old. Something similar has happened to my mother as well. She is not the same, her wings clipped, her eyesight failing, she has aged hugely in those 3 years. Even my fit, happy, lovely husband, a youngish man has been affected. We are all just struggling to get by every day. I read this forum because it's like a seeing into completely different world from mine. A world of comfortable, middle-class people who occupy the same country as me, but I know no-one like them any longer.

Much the same as it is now , the only major change is that my husband now works permanently from home .

On this day 3 years ago, I'd just found out I was pregnant. 8 months before I'd suffered a pregnancy loss. This bfp is now my feisty 2yo DD and I am also now up feeding her 2 week old brother.

I worked full time, I now don't work. Teacher though so wouldn't be wfh or anything anyway.

Still holiday abroad. Went to Florida in summer 2019 and also twice last year.

I found the whole thing relatively easy, I was lucky in that I work from home.p/t anyway sot hat continued saving my sanity and was furloughed for the other half (on the self employment scheme). I did get very bad covid near the beginning and too a few months to recover but as I have so many other chronic health conditions it merged in with them. DH had it tough as works in a&e. Pretty sure he has PTSD from some of the things he saw. He definitely has long covid and is in bed most nights by 9pm.

The kids all loved the first lockdown and as I was p/t working we got to spend lots of time together. Definitely bonded us as a family. Second lockdown was shit as kids hated online learning and was too dark to play out with their friends outside.
I feel very sad for people whos lives have been gutted. Most of my friends and family have been lucky in that they work in jobs that either were necessary to carry on (NHS/schools) or could WFH. And the children were that bit older.

This exact day 3 years ago I was in Japan visiting DS who was working there. Little did we know then what was to come! Later in January that year I took DD to Paris for her birthday. I remember well we were in a cafe that had a tv with rolling news and I asked her had she heard of “this covid19 stuff” and she said no. Crazy to think about now.

In terms of what’s changed, I’m still doing the same job, it was a wfh job back then. But the impact of covid has ensured that my role will still be going for a long time yet. DS had a hard time as he came home and struggled to find work here but has a decent job now. DD did an access course, which was all online but is now off at Uni.

We were lucky overall. Some stress for the DC with job hunting/study. But no major health issues and I still had my income to keep us going. I actually also got 2 cats 6 months prior to lockdown and that helped a lot when it happened. I really only missed travel.

I'd had the morning off work to attend a hospital appointment with husband who is CEV. This was early March, I was due to retire in early May. Never went back.............. retired into lockdowns and didn't have the count down and wind down expected. Husbands health has deteriorated over the past 2 years and I am now his carer...
Constant worry about him needing to go to hospital after two bad experiences and oh so many appointments.
Feel 10 years older and careworn now

Jan 2020 - living in a hot sunny ‘holiday’ destination but not working through choice - OH made enough that I didn’t have to work. Spent my days swimming in the sea and having visitors from UK and eating cake.

OH was an essential
worker so was in work all though covid. I homeschooled DD who was in year 2. No flights available back to uk so I couldn’t get home for two relatives funerals who died of covid.

now back in the uk - I’ve started working in a job I love (TA) and am thinking of retraining to be a teacher. OH changed jobs although I don’t think he likes this one much. Living in the countryside miles from the sea but much closer to family.

all in all I would say there have been some gains and some loses and it’s hard to know if it’s better now than before. My brother has long covid which is limiting him quite a bit, and several relatives now live very small, insular lives compared to previously.

I was training for my first ultra marathon. Many weekends travelling up to Bristol.

It was meant to be a training run for a longer ultra in the April.

My first ultra was a few weeks before lockdown. We had so many conversations over dinner (my friends wife is a respiratory consultant) about Covid!

The April race was deferred to October and I never ran it.