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Creepy man on bus, what should DD have done?

85 replies

SheWoreYellow · 04/01/2023 13:40

DD has had this a couple of times. Or similar.

She’s 14.

Last night, 5pm, getting a bus home from town she sits at the back of the almost empty bus. Downstairs. Three stops before hers a man comes and sits next to her. Odd, as the bus is empty. One stop before hers she goes and stands near the front but doesn’t press the button. He goes too. They go past that stop, then she presses the button for her stop and gets off. He gets off too. She sits at the bus stop. He sits there for a minute and then goes off in the opposite direction to our house. She then calls me and walks home.

I said she should have texted me so I could meet her at the bus stop, but she was worried he would see what she was texting. If she had said anything to the bus driver, what would he have done? I suppose between them they could have asked if he was getting off at the next stop and then she would have done the opposite. I want us to have a plan. I suppose she could have texted “meet me off the bus [codeword]”

OP posts:
Thepossibility · 30/03/2023 21:58

Ugh men.
This reminds me of the time I was on the train and a creep came and sat with me and started running his hand up and down my leg.
I jumped up and moved seats.
When he got off I went back to retrieve my umbrella and asked another lady sitting there if she'd seen him touching me.
A man in a nearby seat said I should've said something because he is undercover police.
So annoyed at myself.

TheaBrandt · 31/03/2023 07:04

Questioning the girl’s behaviour is despicable. These men are stepping outside normal socially acceptable behaviour in public so are very likely to be dangerous / mentally deranged / bad people. couzens started like this with flashing. They are bigger and stronger than the girls. Extracting yourself safely is the only goal. My advice is go immediately to the driver or a middle aged woman.

TheaBrandt · 31/03/2023 07:09

Watching those crime documentaries the rapists/murderers often start off with this low level harassment. Outrageous that it’s not taken more seriously. My young teen is tall and very attractive and has been hassled by men on buses and in the street since aged 11.

Redragtoabull · 31/03/2023 16:02

Late to this thread!

Your poor girl, this is so traumatising. It happened to my DD but on a train recently. I was fucking livid so got on the same train at the same time the following week to see if she could recognise the *unt. He wasn't on it, lucky him!

I have advised her to move but try and take a picture of them if she can so it can be forwarded to the BTP.

There was also a thing on Tik Tok (when I was on it during lockdown) possibly an app but not 100% sure, where your daughter can 'call' the app for it to ring her phone and a mans voice states something along the lines of 'hi babes, I'm just around the corner, are you there yet?' and there will be a pause for your daughter to 'respond' and the mans voice will say something like 'ok, stay on the phone and I'll be with you within a minute' Worth looking into.

T1Dmama · 31/03/2023 16:25

she should’ve moved near the front of the bus as soon as he sat next to her… If he then moved closer again I’d suggest she tell the bus driver, stay on the bus until the creep has got off.. you can pick her up from any bus stop
The bus driver should look out for young girls.

Whatdayisitalexa · 31/03/2023 16:33

On an empty bus closer to the driver is better, with a bag on the window seat definitely. Any qualms a call confirming meeting at the bus stop or close by, but speaking to the driver would be the best thing asap

jannier · 31/03/2023 16:34

If your GPS is activated on your phone and you call 112 for emergency services you can be found even if you can't speak

Fernticket · 17/11/2023 16:52

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/03/2023 18:47

Why didn't she move?

Has everyone forgotten being 14?

To be polite
Fear
Knowing he could interpret that as rejection and get aggressive
Not knowing what to do
Freezing

Maybe men could get a similar list of instructions so 14 yo girls don't have to learn these.

This. In bucketloads.

NorthCliffs · 17/11/2023 16:54

Zombie thread

Mumteedum · 17/11/2023 18:01

RoseBucket · 04/01/2023 15:17

Can she download the Hollie Guard App?

It’s awful my 18 year old has this all the time, has done for a few years and even been approached twice by men in the street who get aggressive if she doesn’t answer them. She has learnt to read the situation now sadly and how to react. I always tell her to try and sit near the front. She also carries and audible/flashing alarm.

Thank you for sharing this app. I've never heard of it. I've just shared it with my students. I've had two of them in the last week dealing with scarey sexual harassment. It needs calling out loud and consistently.

Hope your daughter is ok.

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