Need to lose weight but I have a history of eating disorders

[ICriedAllTheWayToTheChipShop]

Just that, really, but I was wondering if anyone has successfully managed a similar situation?

For further background, I suffered from bulimia for about 20 years, between the ages of 17 and 35ish. I have not done any purging for about 5 years now (I'm 42) but I do still have issues with binge eating on occasion.

Because of the bingeing, perimenopause, disinclination to exercise, living alone (so nobody to 'act normally' in front of) and tendency to avoid social situations, I am now about 5 stone overweight.

I know what MN is like about weight, and I know it's not good to be that fat, so any comments about how unhealthy I am are unnecessary - I know that very well and I tend to avoid doctors because I don't want the lectures. What I could really use is some advice on how to do sustainable and realistic weight loss without triggering a return of the disordered behaviour of starving, then bingeing and purging. "Eat less, move more" may be a truism but it's not especially helpful in my specific circumstances.

Are there any plans that can work for people with my sort of history, or any specialist help that focuses on healthy weight loss that doesn't encourage obsessive focus on the numbers on the scales?

I'm similar in the fact I've suffered from severe restricted eating and then full blown binge eating. The only way ime is to normalise all foods. Forget about dieting altogether and and try to make peace with food. Eat what you want when you want. By that I mean, if you fancy a steak followed by ice cream eat that. Whatever you do don't tell yourself that the diet will start tomorrow. You will then binge eat everything in sight. Just take it a day at time eating the foods you want to eat. Stopping when you've eaten them and enjoying having the freedom to eat your favourite foods. Soon enough you will then not be controlled by 'bad' foods as they will no longer be 'bad' foods, and won't have a hold on you. I've only ever reached a normal and happy weight by stopping all dieting and Thoughts of dieting. It's nothing to do with food but everything to do with your mind.

Look up The body love society. All very helpful.

I don't mean join the 12 week plan etc. I just mean read their principles about undieting.

Low carb/keto helped me avoid going back into ED territory - because I was always satiated and felt nourished, not deprived

Thank you, I will look into them.

Wrt the "eating what you want when you want" technique, that does sound like the advice I was given in the limited therapy I was offered on the NHS, so I am interested in trying it. What I would like to ask is, how do you draw the line between that approach and tipping over into a binge? Do you have to set any limits on quantities of foods, if not types?

I'm a bit wary of making certain foods bad or forbidden. I know from experience that that leads to purging behaviours for me - but I'm interested in what's worked for others so if you can say how you've avoided that mindset I would like to hear about it.

I wrote a long post but on reflection think it might be helpful for you to talk to a personal trainer or dietician, is this possible OP?

If you have the budget, I'd recommend working with a dietician who specialises in EDs and nutrition to help you work out a way of eating healthily that isn't going to trigger your bulimia. Happy to DM you a recommendation.

Obviously this is a completely unhelpful suggestion if it's unaffordable, so apologies in that case.

One thing you could might want to look into is mindful eating, which has helped me to really enjoy the first few bites of something like chocolate and then put the rest away.

Me! I have a long history of disordered eating, mostly bingeing and purging but also periods of excessive restriction. I've been overweight my entire life, even as a child. I was obsessive about food for as long as I can remember.

What has finally, FINALLY worked for me is intermittent fasting and learning how to cook. I fast between 8pm at night and then midday the next day, and mostly I just have a milky coffee at lunchtime with protein powder, then during the week I cook myself an evening meal from scratch which is high protein, high good fats, low carb (the Fast 800 recipe books are great although I almost always increase the portion size because it's usually all I eat that day!). On Friday and Saturday I still fast but I don't restrict what I eat during my eating window, so I can have anything I like. No foods are banned, I don't count calories (I THINK I eat around 1000-1200 most weekdays but I honestly don't know, and I've no idea at the weekends – sometimes I have a takeaway and a bottle of wine, sometimes I have cheese and biscuits, sometimes I have a stir fry etc etc – it really depends what I fancy).

This might seem like disordered eating to some, but for me it has been game-changing when it comes to my attitude to food. I don't categorise foods as "good" or "bad" any more, I don't obsess over calorie counts and fat percentages, I let myself have whatever I want if I go out to dinner and don't feel guilty about it, and I've learnt the difference between eating through boredom and eating when I'm hungry (don't get me wrong, I still do the former, but a lot less!). Because I know I can eat what I want eventually, I don't give in to cravings, I just "save it up" for the weekend.

I've lost 7 stone in 18 months doing this and gone from a size 26 to a 16. I feel like a different person both physically and mentally. It is wonderful. Everything in my life is better and easier. I wish society wasn't that way, but it is.

Best of luck OP. It is so hard. But it gets easier and easier. Now I don't even think about it really, I just live this way and it's absolutely fine.

@ICriedAllTheWayToTheChipShop

It’s hard to explain really. I’ve always agreed about not making any foods good or bad. But over the years I’ve realised how simple carbs (especially gluten) and sugar make me feel very anxious, and how eating them sets up cravings.

Increased fats and protein make me feel calm, stable, and satisfied, not really thinking about food between meals. I’ve played around with it enough to see it every time, but I don’t make rules over it - ate these things over Christmas, for example. But after a few days I don’t like how I feel.

Hope you find the right way for you :)

I think you are right to not do this. Fasting probably isn't for you either as you'll feel deprived and on a diet. I do not limit food and I definitely do not cut out food groups.

If I'm honest with myself I know how much is a 'normal' portion and I know when I'm full. Sometimes I still have a binge but I don't beat myself up about it. It's not helpful and leads to more binging.
Today I had a chocolate bar and 2 biscuits at lunch. It's what I fancied. I was satisfied. For dinner I'm having left over chili con Carne. I'm done with dieting, I'm done with low fat crap food. I'm done with beating myself up. I've naturally lost weight eating this way. I'm still slightly over weight (by about 8lbs) but I'm 44 now. I'm never going to be size 12 again! I've treated myself to some new clothes and when I look in the mirror I no longer tell myself horrible things. It's difficult to trust yourself around food but once you start to, you'll be amazed at the natural balance you have. For me I'll never give up sweets and chocolate and I know I can eat it if I want it, forbidden food has lost a lot of power over me now its nolonger forbidden.

I’d be wary of some forms of fasting in your circumstances - I have a history of bulimia and did the 5:2 but took it way too far when I saw results. I ended up in hospital as I would go days on less than 500 calories (sometimes none at all) and lost far too much weight, whilst being too scared to stop and put it back on.

Following for advice as I’m now in the same position - I hadn’t considered 16:8 but perhaps that would be more sensible.

@peachgreen

Ah yes you’ve just reminded me! Intermittent fasting and getting back into cooking have been real game changers too.

I was in a rut with cooking now that children are older and doing more of their own thing. Also, wasn’t bothering much if I was home on my own - that was taking me into ED actually, flipping between binging on snacks/convenience foods or losing interest and appetite.

Getting back into cooking, which I needed to do anyway to learn some low carb/keto recipes, for me out of a rut. There are some really good gourmet tasting ones which the others love to eat too.

I don’t do intermittent fasting every day but just feel better when I do. If I felt deprived it could bring back ED, but when I eat bigger meals and more fats I don’t tend to get hungry in between.

The trick is in volume eating. You never feel starved, you're always full, and you're filling up on veggies and other low carb foods. Always make larger meals and don't even think about controlling your portion size of veggies. If anything, add more.

It's the only thing that's worked for me. Eggs, spinach, kale, onions, carrots, peppers etc. Whack them all in a massive omelette. No matter how hard you try with these ingredients, you'll barely break 400 calories before you're full.

Same with water and no added sugar squash. Pile it down you. Fill yourself up on it. Diet Coke? Not good for you but calorie free. Go for it.

Feel like you need a binge? Eat two or three of the Skinny Co chocolate bars at 80/90 calories each. They're not awful on calories and feel naughty.

Don't think about breaking bad habits right now. Just get the calories down. Use the resulting weight loss to spur you on. By the time you've lost your first stone you'll be in a better headspace to assess unhealthy habits and potentially therapy.

I don’t feel deprived with 16:8 fasting because I’m not denying myself anything, just delaying it.

Don't weigh yourself. Eat less- smaller portions but what you like. Avoid sugar and alcohol as much as possible. Exercise more. You will see results on how your clothes fit.
Works for me. Slow and steady. As soon as I get on the scales then the problems start.

You're probably right. I'll look into that too.

It's a possibility - recommendations are welcome if you know of a really good one.

I've seen advice to not do "fasting" or food group restriction if you have a history of EDs. Obviously it's worked for some people but I would imagine it plays into disordered ideas about there being food rules that mustn't be broken. I really want to avoid anything that encourages the discipline=strong=good vs capitulation=weak=bad mindset, however softly couched it may be. It's a bit of a minefield, isn't it? There are bad health consequences to being overweight but probably equally bad ones to having bulimia. It feels so hard to get the balance right.

I think it's wise for you to avoid fasting, cutting out food groups etc. (I know it works for some people) If you're anything like me it will lead to your ED rearing its ugly head. You need to trust your natural instincts and try to eat what you enjoy, at the start you will over eat, and you will feel a bit out of control but eventually it will balance out. I've been working on it for a while and since August I've lost a out 8lbs. I no longer have the strong urges to binge, I tell myself that the biscuits/chocolate/crisps are Alway available and I can eat them later/tomorrow/this evening.

Also I've found accepting myself has been really really helpful, accepting that I won't ever be skinny again, accepting that I do enjoy eating, accepting that I'll never have the perfect diet. I'm a work on progress and there's nothing wrong with that.

What about the No S Diet - no snacks, sweets or seconds on any day that doesn't begin with an S (Saturday/Sunday/special day e.g. your birthday)?

Yes i was just about to recommend No S!
Well - 'recommend' is too strong, because I haven't been in your situation so can't advise with any confidence.
But No S has taught me such a lovely normal, sane way to eat without dieting and without putting on weight (I know many people lose weight on it too though I'm not sure whether I will - but weight being stable is a good thing in itself).
You get to do all normal sociable things like eat normal meals (any single plate of food bar sweets/desserts) every day, plus join in with celebration-style occasions (e.g. whatever you want at the weekends/Christmas etc).