TW . My daughter has been assaulted

[ThePostIneverwanted]

I can’t believe I am writing this.

NYE my DD was in a night club and raped. I know the details but don’t want to post .

WTF do I do ? We have police / SS etc and she has been referred to everywhere but nothing seems to have actually happened .

her sister is trying to help .

so what do I actually do right now ? I feel I inadequate and lost . The police keep ringing me about swabs but she is refusing . How can I change that ?

she has close older sister but she just shuts down when I mention it . I have only asked her 1 x per day as I don’t want to pressure her right now

I'm so sorry. I don't have anything helpful to advise but I think not pressurising her is the right way to go. Huge hugs!! Sending you and your family best wishes.

Thank you .

my dh is angry.

He is not showing his anger to her but is angry that I didn’t try to persuade her to have the tests .

I am finding that very hard to cope with as I don’t want to deal with his anger but I can’t change how he feels .

He shouldn't be blaming you though. That is not fair of him.

Going through this myself and honestly it does feel like nothing is happening because it’s such a slow process. The swabs are not nice and I’m not gonna sugar coat it as I was a mess down there and the nurse could see where he had forced himself inside of me. The police ring every 28 days but honestly I feel like nothing has happened with the case. The swabs are also video footage and photos which is very invasive but it has to be for evidence. Does she has an isva? The police can refer to their counselling if needed. It’s very hard and that numb feeling hasn’t left me after months of dealing with all of this, but unfortunately it’s a slow process and the numbness can turn to depression. She may not want to talk but I would push for counselling for her as it can be very hard to deal with as an adult never mind as a teenager. She may not want to go out or drink and she may also feel insecure and worried going to the shops by herself.

Don’t know what to say. No advice but just wanted to say this is every girl/woman/parents worst nightmare and I can only imagine what you’re dealing with emotionally. You sound like a great family.

I hope in time you all get some closure (whatever that looks like) and can move on with life.

I’m so angry for all those who shared their story on here too.

Surely self-swabbing should be a freely available option. This sort of procedure is unpleasant and feels invasive at the best of times - it must be a million times worse after a rape.

Id have thought it would be obvious why not. Evidence collected via self swabbing would be inadmissible in court, and therefore pointless. When police collect evidence, it has to be done according to specific standards, and reliable methods used.

Your husband needs to wind his neck in, if he wants to be angry then he needs to direct it elsewhere. What happened to your daughter is beyond inhuman, but so many victims can't face being intimately examined after they've been assaulted, it's like their entire bodies are a no go zone, even for themselves.