Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Advice for destination wedding

62 replies

feghs324 · 03/01/2023 15:53

Hi all,

Sorry this might be long as I need to get in all the detail!

I rarely post on here and I'm a bit nervous as I know Mumsnet is very anti destination wedding AND anti childfree wedding but I am having one in 2024 and I would really like some helpful advice from people who would be happy to go to a childree destination wedding and which scenario would suit them best.

Just for context I don't have children (my parter has two older children who will be 16 and 18 at time of our wedding and will be attending) and the main reason we are having a childfree wedding is because of budget. Nieces, nephews and newborns are invited. Plenty of my friends have also had DW which I attended.

We have already booked our venue and we chose the first Sunday of a half term for a various reasons. However I have recently been comparing flight times for 2023 for the same dates and half term prices are a lot more expensive (we are talking around £150pp during term time and £420pp during half term). I'm now considering changing the date to a Saturday in term time as I feel terrible that flights could be that much (it's only two hours away).

I knew that they would be more expensive but didn't expect quite a hike, although baring in mind these are 2023 prices so we don't know what 2024 will bring.

So if you were were willing and wanted to travel to the wedding, what would you prefer? I was thinking the cheaper option but my cousin mentioned people might find it harder to get childcare in termtime (they would likely need to travel Fri-Sun/Mon) and also if we did half term then people might like to bring their children and make a holiday of it, getting a babysitter for the wedding day.

However a few others have said it's actually probably easier to get childcare from grandparents etc during termtime as at least the kids will be busy at school and won't need entertaining all day.

Our friends children range from around 3 - 14.

Thank you!!

OP posts:
Original poster
feghs324 · 03/01/2023 17:18

@LoveAHolidayOrTwo it's May half term so yes I think flights are probably a fair bit more expensive now than they would have been when released originally!

OP posts:
LoveAHolidayOrTwo · 03/01/2023 17:23

Will May half term be ok for your partners DC?

PatsyJStone · 03/01/2023 17:25

I've got some experience here, not a wedding planner, personal experience. I'll try & message you or you can message me if you'd like. Italy as well Smile

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
LoveAHolidayOrTwo · 03/01/2023 17:26

I went to a wedding in Sienna town hall and it was fab.

rookiemere · 03/01/2023 17:29

LoveAHolidayOrTwo · 03/01/2023 17:23

Will May half term be ok for your partners DC?

Actually this is a really fair point, if they are doing or about to do GCSEs or A Levels then they won't be able to come. We're in Scotland so May is slap bang in the middle of exam time, but I'm not sure about the English dates.

Original poster
feghs324 · 03/01/2023 17:29

@LoveAHolidayOrTwo re my partner's children the older one has left school already and the younger one will have his AS levels around that time. That's why we picked the half term as he can fly out for two days and then get back and he wouldn't be missing any school/exams etc.

If we did go term time it would be before his exams started and the wedding would be a Saturday so we would either fly him out Friday after school or Saturday morning then back Sunday

OP posts:
baublesandbreakdowns · 03/01/2023 17:30

I think stick to the half term date. The guests won't miss all of the week with their kids and I think childcare might be easier and less limited without school runs to factor in.

I would rather babysit for a family member if we could go off and do something fun.

Another option is to message a sample of your guests who said yes to ask their view before you finally decide.

TurtleTriplets · 03/01/2023 20:37

Wouldn't he be busy revising. It would be too stressful travelling around exam time surely.

underneaththeash · 03/01/2023 20:55

Personally, I think it will be different for every family.
i wouldn’t go away with mine during exam period after March time.

meditrina · 03/01/2023 21:02

If it's childfree, then I would probably leave the DC in UK whether it was half-term or not (I wouldn't be booking unknown babysitters sight unseen, and I'd only be travelling for the wedding, not for the start of a holiday - as I'd want to get back to spend the rest of half term with the DC)

It's your call whether you stick with the date that people may already have been planning round, or if you change it.

If you do change it, do so as early as you can, and do it decisively - no further changes come what may! And speak to everyone you gave an STD to - don't want to discover too late that someone didn't get the message

TheCraicDealer · 03/01/2023 21:06

Normally I’d say move it to term time, but with your DSS’s exams and the proposed change so close to those exams I’d keep it as is. Too much messing about with changing the date plus expecting him to travel (on his own?) for only two days. That’d be stressful for a lot of kids and he could easily resent the whole thing at a stressful time.

Now if you were proposing moving it to tail end of June or September, i.e,., well clear of exams and school hols, I’d say go for it. We’ve done two child free destination weddings this year, and did turn one into a “little holiday” with DD, but this required bringing my MIL along with us for a week to look after her on the day of the wedding. We normally get on ok but never again.

LoveAHolidayOrTwo · 04/01/2023 07:44

You simply can’t have it term time, it really wouldn’t be fair on the AS student. TBH May half term is just as bad unless the exams have been finished by then. My DC begged me not to book any trips until after the exam
period during the exam years as it would stress them out.

MissMarpleRocks · 04/01/2023 08:05

I missed my cousins wedding abroad (they live there) as it was my dcs GCSE time. Are you really sure that your step DS is fine with it? As a parent I wouldn’t risk him going abroad in case of issues getting back & revision time.

Id have no problem with the DW at all. I go to them regularly. Great excuse to go abroad. But I wouldn’t do that to my step ds. What does his other parent say? And what does he say?

Highlyflavouredgravy · 04/01/2023 08:09

We would decline the invitation. It is too much.
If it is important to have family and friends around you, then get married where the friends and family are.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 04/01/2023 08:14

the main reason we are having a childfree wedding is because of budget. Nieces, nephews and newborns are invited.

If you have nieces, nephews and newborns going then it’s not a child free wedding. It’s just about the children you are willing to pay for…

soberfabulous · 04/01/2023 08:16

I would decline both options.

mrsbitaly · 04/01/2023 08:18

I had a destination wedding where my children only came and we went during term time due to costs for the party coming. I think you won't be able to please everyone but that's quite a price difference and that's not including the inflated price of accommodation during the school holidays.

I loved a destination wedding and so did my party we made it very clear we wanted people to feel like it was their holiday and the wedding was just 1 day out of their holiday.

If you have any questions please let me know ill try to help the best I can 🙂

reluctantbrit · 04/01/2023 09:36

LoveAHolidayOrTwo · 04/01/2023 07:44

You simply can’t have it term time, it really wouldn’t be fair on the AS student. TBH May half term is just as bad unless the exams have been finished by then. My DC begged me not to book any trips until after the exam
period during the exam years as it would stress them out.

DD will sit her GCSEs this year and we do a weekend trip in May half-term Sat - Mon. She needs a break from the stress, not revising for another 7 days in a row.

If the son is brought to the airport and collected, a 16 year old should be ok to survive a short flight.

FearEtc · 04/01/2023 09:46

You've enough difference in opinion here that i think you should ask your guests.

Child free I'd resent paying school holiday prices for flights and accom.

Have you checked prices for October half term. As PP said, May 2023 will have gone up significantly since released for booking.

How many of your guests have children and what ages? Ie how many are you excluding?

Agree May half term still not ideal for exam teens.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/01/2023 09:49

We are currently trying to navigate a trip for a family wedding abroad (I won't use the term destination wedding as it is actually the home town of the Groom), with restrictions on dates due to school.

Frankly, I'd only go through this for a very very close relative - any future abroad holidays, regardless of dates, where, school issues etc - I'd decline. It's a massive ask.

I think you just stick with what you've told people you are doing and if people can't come/ choose to not bring kids, that's on them.

toomuchlaundry · 04/01/2023 09:53

Do your save the dates include details of destination?

RelentlessForwardProgress · 04/01/2023 10:37

feghs324 · 03/01/2023 17:29

@LoveAHolidayOrTwo re my partner's children the older one has left school already and the younger one will have his AS levels around that time. That's why we picked the half term as he can fly out for two days and then get back and he wouldn't be missing any school/exams etc.

If we did go term time it would be before his exams started and the wedding would be a Saturday so we would either fly him out Friday after school or Saturday morning then back Sunday

If I was the younger child of your partner in this scenario, I would feel very, very aggrieved.

They can't choose the date of their exams, you can choose the date of your wedding, you have simply chosen not to take them into consideration.

Their exams are important to their future and his father should be prioritising this and shutting down any idea of a wedding trip abroad in the run up. You have no idea how their revision is going to go/ how they are going to cope emotionally etc.

Please think what message choosing this time sends out about their importance and value and reconsider.

(And, incidentally, if you were wanting to have a family in the future, I'd think about whether a man who thought this was acceptable was the right person).

LadyGAgain · 04/01/2023 11:42

I'm amazed you can't push wedding back to be after your DSS AS levels but don't want to derail the thread.

How many people are you inviting who have children who won't be invited and what age?

If I wanted to attend a DW and my children couldn't come, no way would I be prepared to pay school holiday prices.

VivaVivaa · 04/01/2023 12:02

I wouldn’t come to either. Sorry, I know that’s probably not what you want to hear…but, in half term, my holiday budget would be gone for the year and I would therefore really resent leaving 3 yo DS at home (especially as I’m not tied to school holidays currently). We’d also really struggle to cobble together grandparents/friends/whoever to look after DC either way.

I think you should stick to what you have booked for ease - your absolute nearest and dearest will do whatever you ask of them (and it sounds like their kids are invited anyway…) and the rest will decline if it’s too much.

Princessglittery · 04/01/2023 12:16

@feghs324 Italy is an easy flight so as long as the accommodation and wedding aren’t a 3 hour drive away a term time Friday to Sunday may be preferable.

Personally I would look at late afternoon/evening flights on the Friday and price up the two itineraries based on 2023 prices. If you are talking a difference of £200+ then go with the term time wedding. Send a second save the date and explain why you are making the change.

Another thought, how many people are going? is it too many to have a quick chat with to see what they prefer?

Swipe left for the next trending thread