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Original poster

How to overcome my 'just get through the next things' mentally?

42 replies

Hillrunning · 02/01/2023 16:12

I have ended up in a mindset of seeing everything (posior negative) as something to get though and put off other life stuff in the mean time. For example, December was my birthday various pre Christmas events then Christmas and New year. And I'd often think 'just need to get through the December activities' even though I was genuinely looking forward to it all. Then January is a job application (which will take about 4 days) then hopefully the job interview (which will take about a week of prep) and three exams at the end of the month (which I need to spend all my free time studying for). These are all positive if demanding things so why do I just keep thinking 'right get through January'. February will be a weeks trip to see my parents and potentially sister coming to stay for half term so again in my mind February will also be something to get through and so my life feels on hold till march. But thats so silly, seeing family is great, I love them.

I'm not sure I am explaining it well. Does anyone else constantly feel like life plans are something to get through? Anyt tips of how to change this? I'm taking away my own joy!

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 02/01/2023 16:27

I don't want to worry you but I went through a stage like that before I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Time seemed to be broken up into a series of events that I had to get through but there wasn't any end to it.
Ask your GP if they can suggest anything or send you for CBT.

AChristmasCaro · 02/01/2023 16:30

I think I've felt like this my whole life. I have to make a conscious effort not to. In my case it's definitely nothing to do with depression- it's quite positive if anything, in a sort of "roll my sleeves up" way. But it is the wrong mentality to treat your life as a series of tasks to be tackled, when the only thing at the end of them is the grave.

ghjklo · 02/01/2023 16:37

I am similar OP and the best way for me to deal with it is to have things in the calendar that I am really looking forward to on a regular basis (holidays, events) as well as keeping my own goals in mind for what I want to achieve (fun goals that is, not depressing ones!). E.g. work on my business, learn a new skill etc. Structure your life around the things you want to achieve in a fun way and ensure you've always got some fun stuff in the calendar you look forwards to - even just a weekly themed meal or something. Plus regular outside walks, fresh air. Also schedule regular weekly or daily consumption of self help youtube videos, learning about your new skill, reading a self help book or some inspiring content about your life goals. These help keep me upbeat. You also have to be careful not to expose yourself too much to negative things (for me it's avoiding watching the news, limiting my contact with certain people etc). I like the Atomic Habits method for scheduling small doses of what I want to do on a daily basis to keep me on track with my goals. All of this seems to keep me generally happier as I am working towards a life I want. Also remembering that we all have blue days once in a while. Maybe you are a bit overwhelmed and could do with looking at your life as a whole to see how you can structure your routines a bit better and carve out more meaningful chunks of time on a daily basis. There can be a lot of lifestyle organising to do but if you do small bits of improvement on a daily basis it can help you feel more in control and the small changes add up!

picnicshicnic · 02/01/2023 16:37

AChristmasCaro · 02/01/2023 16:30

I think I've felt like this my whole life. I have to make a conscious effort not to. In my case it's definitely nothing to do with depression- it's quite positive if anything, in a sort of "roll my sleeves up" way. But it is the wrong mentality to treat your life as a series of tasks to be tackled, when the only thing at the end of them is the grave.

I'm like this too, OP.

I've never really thought of it as a negative thing particularly but I think @AChristmasCaro is right in that it's not really a good way to live. Kind of like the whole "life is what happens when you're off making other plans."

I'm going to make a conscious effort to change.

KangarooKenny · 02/01/2023 16:38

Would you say that this is something you have started to do as you get older ?

JaneJeffer · 02/01/2023 16:38

I'm the same. I look forward to events being over. It's just how I am!

ghjklo · 02/01/2023 16:40

Also OP do you have life goals? A dream career or something? Maybe your current life and job or general lifestyle are boring you? Maybe you are repressing some desires somewhere and need to rediscover what you really want. Sounds to me like you might be a bit bored of life in general?

thecatsthecats · 02/01/2023 16:53

Yes, I get like this sometimes.

The job example is a good one to reframe, as you're putting a lot into one application, when if you don't get that, that's a lot of time wasted.

If possible, you need to pull back and focus on generic application skills, and fire off a half dozen, same for interviews you get.

I am going self-employed and temp-contracting. I've had to rein back because I know that if I did everything MY way, planning to the nth degree and only moving on once each stage was perfect, I'd never get anywhere.

Really, what you need to do is put out lots of little things quickly, and follow the ones that work.

Original poster
Hillrunning · 02/01/2023 17:08

Thelnebriati · 02/01/2023 16:27

I don't want to worry you but I went through a stage like that before I was diagnosed with clinical depression. Time seemed to be broken up into a series of events that I had to get through but there wasn't any end to it.
Ask your GP if they can suggest anything or send you for CBT.

This has been the worry at the back of my mind. Sort of why I posted. I've been depressed many many years ago and I'm conscious of not ending up back there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hillrunning · 02/01/2023 17:11

ghjklo · 02/01/2023 16:37

I am similar OP and the best way for me to deal with it is to have things in the calendar that I am really looking forward to on a regular basis (holidays, events) as well as keeping my own goals in mind for what I want to achieve (fun goals that is, not depressing ones!). E.g. work on my business, learn a new skill etc. Structure your life around the things you want to achieve in a fun way and ensure you've always got some fun stuff in the calendar you look forwards to - even just a weekly themed meal or something. Plus regular outside walks, fresh air. Also schedule regular weekly or daily consumption of self help youtube videos, learning about your new skill, reading a self help book or some inspiring content about your life goals. These help keep me upbeat. You also have to be careful not to expose yourself too much to negative things (for me it's avoiding watching the news, limiting my contact with certain people etc). I like the Atomic Habits method for scheduling small doses of what I want to do on a daily basis to keep me on track with my goals. All of this seems to keep me generally happier as I am working towards a life I want. Also remembering that we all have blue days once in a while. Maybe you are a bit overwhelmed and could do with looking at your life as a whole to see how you can structure your routines a bit better and carve out more meaningful chunks of time on a daily basis. There can be a lot of lifestyle organising to do but if you do small bits of improvement on a daily basis it can help you feel more in control and the small changes add up!

Thank you. Really good suggestions. I don't want to think like this anymore!

I do enjoy lots of moments throughout days and events when happening. The exams for example, I love studying and the thrill of taking exams. I also really enjoy job interviews oddly!

OP posts:
Legoninjago1 · 02/01/2023 17:11

I know not everything is caused by peri but I felt a bit like this before going on HRT. Might be worth a thought.

TastesLikeFlavourlessFizz · 02/01/2023 17:12

KangarooKenny · 02/01/2023 16:38

Would you say that this is something you have started to do as you get older ?

This is interesting.

I’m exactly the same as the OP and your question made me realise for the first time that it’s only something I’ve done for around 5 years. Which is a long time to just ‘power through things’ and there’s no end in sight.

I am quite depressed at the moment but I haven’t been for the whole 5 years so I can’t blame it on that.

Anyway, I’ve no idea what to do with this realisation but there you go. And, OP, you’re not alone.

Original poster
Hillrunning · 02/01/2023 17:12

KangarooKenny · 02/01/2023 16:38

Would you say that this is something you have started to do as you get older ?

Yes I'd say so, I guess I plan ahead much more often than in my younger days. Plans with people wouldn't happen if we didn't plan ahead.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hillrunning · 02/01/2023 17:14

ghjklo · 02/01/2023 16:40

Also OP do you have life goals? A dream career or something? Maybe your current life and job or general lifestyle are boring you? Maybe you are repressing some desires somewhere and need to rediscover what you really want. Sounds to me like you might be a bit bored of life in general?

I do think I'm a little bored. But oddly, I am living my goals, I moved to a fun career 18 months ago, less stress but still challenging and my husband and I are renovating a great house which I really enjoy doing too. Though less so in winter.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hillrunning · 02/01/2023 17:15

Legoninjago1 · 02/01/2023 17:11

I know not everything is caused by peri but I felt a bit like this before going on HRT. Might be worth a thought.

Oh I hope not, I'm only 36!

OP posts:
Spudina · 02/01/2023 17:15

I say this too much to my DDs. When they want to add another thing to my already overwhelmed schedule, I say “let’s just get through this week please first” DD1 finds this upsetting, as the things I want to get through are things that she is doing and loving, like being in a play in a theatre for several nights. I need to reframe the way I talk about these activities that doesn’t make them sound like negatives (though in the reality the logistics of getting one child to a show and collecting every night with work, another DD etc is tricky) No advice OP but I understand how you feel.

KathieFerrars · 02/01/2023 17:17

I'm exactly the same! I thought this was the norm. I have a saying regarding a 'big thing' looming which is 'this time tomorrow/next week it will be over'.

I also number or stage/step things so if on a journey step 1 get out of the house remembering everything. Stage 2 get to first stop off. I find it very helpful to get me through the stress of caravan set up. My father did the same.

Original poster
Hillrunning · 02/01/2023 17:19

thecatsthecats · 02/01/2023 16:53

Yes, I get like this sometimes.

The job example is a good one to reframe, as you're putting a lot into one application, when if you don't get that, that's a lot of time wasted.

If possible, you need to pull back and focus on generic application skills, and fire off a half dozen, same for interviews you get.

I am going self-employed and temp-contracting. I've had to rein back because I know that if I did everything MY way, planning to the nth degree and only moving on once each stage was perfect, I'd never get anywhere.

Really, what you need to do is put out lots of little things quickly, and follow the ones that work.

Interesting that you picked up on the application. When considering what I could change this is the one area I decided that I didn't want to alter. Like you I have very exacting standards when it comes to applications and this one in particular is 7 very specific questions to answer. My view is that I see no sense in falling at the first hurdle (ie not doing the application well enough). I am also in work so no desperate need to find something else and so only applying to things that seem too good to pass up.

It made me think about other areas I could not have such high expectations of though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hillrunning · 02/01/2023 17:22

A huge thank you to thoes saying they think in the same way. I had really convinced myself it was just me.

I think it's is fine for some occasions to feel this way but the realisation that I was applying it to both good and bad situations really upset me.

OP posts:
Spudina · 02/01/2023 17:22

Sorry one more thing, I also think that COVID has affected my enjoyment of stuff. I’m really aware that if one of us wakes up on the day of one of our plans, and is ill, there is a chance that it won’t happen at all. So, I find it impossible to look forward to something, as I think it will be worse if it doesn’t happen. So it’s easier to see things that are happening as “things to get through” ie I can relax afterwards as it went ahead, if that makes sense??

Original poster
Hillrunning · 02/01/2023 17:24

JaneJeffer · 02/01/2023 16:38

I'm the same. I look forward to events being over. It's just how I am!

Does that ever upset or concern you? I don't think I want to do life this way anymore!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hillrunning · 02/01/2023 17:28

Having thought about the depression element a bit more I actually think it si something I came up with to get out if depression. When things were bad I would think to myself 'just get a shower' or 'just go on that walk, 'just call a sibling'. As small ways to do something good. But I never found a way to stop that thought process

OP posts:
Oblomov22 · 02/01/2023 17:28

No, I've never done this. If there's something to do I just action it. I never have a to-do list for long. I've got 6 things to do tomorrow, ring hairdresser, GP, optician, orthodontist. I'll do all of them and then will have no to-do list by tomorrow night.
Maybe contact GP about depression?

Pixiedust1234 · 02/01/2023 17:30

Hello "me". I never thought I would find another person who thought this about life. Apparently there are a few of us 😯

Endofthelineforus · 02/01/2023 17:33

I feel this way and have tried to explain it IRL but got some funny looks. I only seem to enjoy things once they're over and am fed up living like this. Although I may be depressed.