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Original poster

How to go about my first lesbian experience

45 replies

bambi009 · 01/01/2023 21:59

Newly single and realised I think I'm bisexual. I've always been sexually attracted to women but didn't really understand it until recently, but never romantically. I've realised I'm a heteromantic bisexual.

My sex life with my ex was a bit shit but I think it's because I was a lot more turned on by women, particularly recently. And my type is a very feminine woman, I am also very feminine.

I'd like to explore this a bit, but I haven't a clue where to start. Not sure I want to do dating websites and put myself out there publicly just yet. Not looking for a relationship or ongoing thing - just a one time encounter really.

Has anyone done this and had success? I'm half terrified but half really excited to give this a go!

OP posts:
happiertimes123 · 01/01/2023 22:02

If you want a one-time thing it'd be apps or a gay bar really.

(Speaking as a lesbian)

RambamThankyouMam · 01/01/2023 22:30

Good luck with that. All the lesbian apps have been colonised by blokes pretending to be women.

SweetlikeChoc · 01/01/2023 22:41

Recently single too and same as you, I am sexually attracted to women so I think this will be my next experience.

I’m over it with men!!

Notconfident · 01/01/2023 23:22

Single and bi here too, there's a few apps but a lot seem to be fake accounts wich is really annoying!

Original poster
bambi009 · 02/01/2023 10:52

Thanks. Not sure I'm comfortable to use an app just yet as nobody really knows. Is there a particular app that's better?

I was also thinking of just going to a themed night out in London or Brighton if I could find one. It's quite intimidating the idea of doing it solo though!

OP posts:
EmzyEmz · 02/01/2023 11:47

I'd suggest apps as a starting point , just going off experience. But also be careful of catfish accounts too. Personally I was 40 in 2018 when I started having flings with women , my bestie suggested just letting myself go and being open so on Tinder I set my age settings to go down to 21.. it worked , personally found more genuine younger women out there who were open and I connected with a 23 year old , she was lovely... The fling actually turned into a relationship in 2020 and we're still together .

Original poster
bambi009 · 02/01/2023 13:08

EmzyEmz · 02/01/2023 11:47

I'd suggest apps as a starting point , just going off experience. But also be careful of catfish accounts too. Personally I was 40 in 2018 when I started having flings with women , my bestie suggested just letting myself go and being open so on Tinder I set my age settings to go down to 21.. it worked , personally found more genuine younger women out there who were open and I connected with a 23 year old , she was lovely... The fling actually turned into a relationship in 2020 and we're still together .

This is such a lovely story.

I don't know yet if I'd want a relationship but I guess that's what I need to find out.

Thanks all.

OP posts:
2023pending · 02/01/2023 17:48

I’m in the same boat OP! I’ve just joined the HER app and you can set your search to just verified profiles. There are a few men on there that seem to be using it to talk to women but just swipe left!

I’ve looked at theme nights in gay bars etc but im way too scared to go on my own so hopefully this works out

Good luck!

BigHeartyTruffle · 02/01/2023 17:53

@RambamThankyouMam is that something you’ve personally experienced? Because as a bi woman on dating apps, it not something I’ve encountered

BigHeartyTruffle · 02/01/2023 17:59

OP I’ve been in a very similar boat to you and ended up using apps and had some very shall we say… enjoyable encounters! Unlike nights out you can date and take things at your own pace which might be good when you’re at an early stage of exploration (it was for me).

DuplicateUserName · 02/01/2023 18:00

bambi009 · 02/01/2023 10:52

Thanks. Not sure I'm comfortable to use an app just yet as nobody really knows. Is there a particular app that's better?

I was also thinking of just going to a themed night out in London or Brighton if I could find one. It's quite intimidating the idea of doing it solo though!

Do you have no friends who fancy a night out?

LozzaChops101 · 02/01/2023 18:02

One off flings are probably best found on apps. You’ll have to filter out couples (if you don’t want that) and creepy men, but there is the occasional single woman to be found(!) I’ve not seen an actual lesbian bar for years so can’t comment on those any more.

RabbitSocks · 27/02/2023 21:34

Have you looked up skirt club? If you’re down south clubs and bars might be easy but if you’re not, like me, then those things just aren’t there locally.

OneOfEachPlease · 28/02/2023 15:08

I met women who felt like you on mumsnet, OP. So from my point of view you’re in the right place 😆

There are loads women who haven’t had the context or opportunity to explore more. But there’s nothing wrong with realising this later in life. We all chat now and sometime meet up. It’s so supportive and great to speak to and meet those who ‘get it’.

Feel free to PM me.

AltitudeCheck · 01/03/2023 10:29

@bambi009 Where in the UK are you based? As you mentioned you are femme seeking femme (and also not looking for a relationship) then Skirt Club or Killing Kittens sounds like it would be perfect for you.

Apps are good if you live near a big city or are willing to travel. The options reduce a lot as you move further afield! Good luck on your adventures!

AltitudeCheck · 01/03/2023 19:23

@LozzaChops101 I remember when most gay bars had a women's night 😢 sadly a thing of the past in most towns and cities now.

I can only think of Vanilla -Manchester, She & ButchPlease in London and the Todmorden women's disco... Out of the whole of the UK! Where are all the women hiding these days??!

Steelyblue · 22/03/2023 13:44

@bambi009 hi, just wondered how your journey was going if you are willing to share? I have had thoughts of this for so many years, but never been brave enough to face it. I recently joined dating app and the men were so mehhhh that I flipped to look at women instead, now that caught my interest a lot! I have started talking to one woman which appears to be a verified profile (bumble) and I'm truly excited and a bit scared all at once! I already think why oh why did I leave it this long to do this... i feel a lightness I haven't felt in years :)

Wingingit23 · 08/05/2023 09:40

Hi Bambi, did you encounter your desires? I’m in exactly the same boat and have no idea where to start, so scared my partner will find out!

workingmomof2girls · 11/05/2023 21:17

Wow and I thought I was the only one 🙈 looks like a gap in the market! Maybe we need a meet up thread

CoconutSky · 12/05/2023 23:47

Lollll I’m the same! No idea where to start

Belle89 · 13/05/2023 00:10

Great thread

Objectrelations · 13/05/2023 00:16

Yes glad you posted

AndThenYouDie · 17/05/2023 21:49

Was a meet up group ever started do you know? I'd love to join too....

LikeMindedLady · 05/06/2023 09:47

There was talk of a MN group outing to Killing Kittens in another thread but I don't know if it ever happened!

Skirt Club have started to have some socials (if jumping straight into a group party is a bit much!) and also some social events outside of London which is good to see.

Curiouswid · 01/09/2023 23:25

I've just stumbled across this thread and wondered if you had any luck. I'm in a similar position and haven't got a clue where to look!