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Original poster

My heart aches every time..

45 replies

whatwasthatt · 01/01/2023 20:16

I see a pregnancy announcement. I know it sounds awful, probably terrible in face.. but I just can't cope with seeing so many pregnancy announcements at the moment. Lots of social influencers & celebs announcing (which is truly wonderful for them!!) that they are pregnant, and my heart aches.

Me and DH have been TTC for over 3 years now with no luck, and no help. I came into this new year with a goal of keeping a good, positive mindset and WISHING that 2023 will be our year, but I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy when I see others announcing their news. Does this make me an awful person? It probably does.

My heart actually hurts. I long for a family of my own. Why doesn't it happen for us. It's getting to the point where I'm avoiding family situations and events where there's babies and little children as I just feel so much sadness.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatwasthatt · 01/01/2023 20:17

I'm not really sure what I'm asking here, I think I just needed to vent. I can't log into social media without seeing another announcement and have spent all day with the family and SIL's gorgeous new baby boy.

OP posts:
swanling · 01/01/2023 20:21

Of course it doesn't make you an awful person. It just makes you a normal person going through something tough and struggling with the pain. It's understandable that this would cut you, you're human.

Don't give yourself such a hard time, you don't deserve to suffer more than you already are.

DashingWhiteSergeant · 01/01/2023 20:21

I’m sorry you are feeling this way; it’s totally understandable, and I hope 2023 brings you a happy arrival.

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Families
RandomMess · 01/01/2023 20:25
Sad

It is really difficult to have it constantly in your face Flowers

abbs1 · 01/01/2023 20:25

Op you're not an awful person at all. It's completely normal. Sending you hugs. After we lost our first baby I couldn't deal with anyone announcing pregnancies as it hurt so much and made cry.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers that 2023 is your year hun 🙏❤️

Original poster
whatwasthatt · 01/01/2023 20:27

Thank you all.
I truly feel terrible. I was passed the baby earlier to hold and I'm sure my heart physically hurt for a moment. I looked at him and welled up Sad I just long for a family.

OP posts:
swanling · 01/01/2023 20:28

I'm so sorry 💐

Original poster
whatwasthatt · 01/01/2023 20:30

I think I find it harder in a way, with the fact that DH's family doesn't know anything about us TTC and the struggles. Mine do, and are terrific and so supportive.

DMIL commented today on how it would be so lovely for us to have children, and how they could grow up together with baby nephew.

If only she knew the pain. Sometimes I want to scream it from the rooftops Sad

OP posts:
Sparklecrystal · 01/01/2023 20:30

I completely feel the same lovely. its so tough each cycle having negative tests and seeing announcements on social media is so difficult sometimes. just know you are not alone and alot of us TTC feel like this too.

sending lots of love your way and wishing 2023 brings you a beautiful baby xx

Original poster
whatwasthatt · 01/01/2023 20:35

Sparklecrystal · 01/01/2023 20:30

I completely feel the same lovely. its so tough each cycle having negative tests and seeing announcements on social media is so difficult sometimes. just know you are not alone and alot of us TTC feel like this too.

sending lots of love your way and wishing 2023 brings you a beautiful baby xx

So sorry you're going through the same. It really is so tough. I don't think I can describe it to anybody that hasn't been through it h it themselves.. my lovely mum tries her best to understand and offers wonderful support.. but I feel such a failure against her and the rest of the females in my family, who've all fallen pregnant the first month of TTC. All testing I have had has come back clear, no
Issues. Had an internal and external scan Friday before Christmas and the lady doing it even told me she sees no reason why I can't fall pregnant whatsoever. All healthy. Why is is that I feel this is almost worse?! If there was an issue at least I would have something to focus on. Is it wrong to feel that way 😞🤦🏼‍♀️ god I'm sure that TTC makes you into some kind of crazy woman!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
whatwasthatt · 01/01/2023 20:36

abbs1 · 01/01/2023 20:25

Op you're not an awful person at all. It's completely normal. Sending you hugs. After we lost our first baby I couldn't deal with anyone announcing pregnancies as it hurt so much and made cry.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers that 2023 is your year hun 🙏❤️

I am so very sorry for your loss. It's an awful, almost guilty feeling isn't it, to feel so resentful against seeing and hearing new announcements. This isn't like me at all. I just find it so hard!

OP posts:
justgettingthroughtheday · 01/01/2023 20:38

It's shit isn't it. I used to be so excited for friends/ family when they announced their pregnancies. Now a cancer diagnosis which is going to rob me of my womb very soon, and I can't bear them. To the point I actively now avoid all friends with small children. It's too hard.

daisydoods · 01/01/2023 20:41

@justgettingthroughtheday I am so sorry to hear this Flowers

Original poster
whatwasthatt · 01/01/2023 20:41

justgettingthroughtheday · 01/01/2023 20:38

It's shit isn't it. I used to be so excited for friends/ family when they announced their pregnancies. Now a cancer diagnosis which is going to rob me of my womb very soon, and I can't bear them. To the point I actively now avoid all friends with small children. It's too hard.

I am so, so sorry, and sending you so much love and strength Flowers

It is awful. Those I used to love to see, now
have adorable little ones and I just feel a pang of jealousy (really unlike me usually) and tearful.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatwasthatt · 01/01/2023 20:42

I even helped a friend out who decided she wanted to TTC. She didn't know anything about it. Didn't know how to track cycles... she even asked me what ovulation means and how to predict it etc.

I sat down with her in our local cafe for hours explaining as best I could.. offering advice, product recommendations.. all whilst it felt as though the secrets of my own TTC struggles were weighing even heavier on my heart than usual.

Well.. fast forward 2 months after this conversation, and she came to me to announce her pregnancy. The pain of having to plaster on a happy smile was too much. It hurt beyond belief.
Her gorgeous DD is now 9 months. I'm still trying 

OP posts:
daisydoods · 01/01/2023 20:45

@whatwasthatt it doesn't make you an awful person at all, OP. I was exactly the same before having DD, we had fertility problems and were ttc, DHs family always used ask when we were having one or saying it would be our turn next etc and it used to break my heart. I tried every diet, fad, supplement, gel going and nothing ever worked and seeing others announcements used to break me, I felt like they were everywhere and as much as I wanted to be happy for them it hurt so bad. Have you been to the GP to see about having bloods etc checked? We've since had one successful round of IVF followed by a natural pregnancy - our story had a happy ending and I truly hope yours does too ❤️

daisydoods · 01/01/2023 20:46

@whatwasthatt sorry just caught up with the rest of the thread about your scans and tests. A friend of mine was like this, she sadly had 2 mcs but is pregnant again and due in March. If you still don't have any luck, please go back to your GP and ask about fertility treatment, but I hope this is your year

gemloving · 01/01/2023 20:48

My SIL in law is going through the same and it's so hard to watch knowing she struggles and it's all she longs for. I have children and even said she doesn't have to come to the parties if it's triggering. I wish there was something that could be done.

What about IVF?

justgettingthroughtheday · 01/01/2023 20:48

It's been really hard. Harder than being given the diagnosis of cancer in many ways.
I'm furious with the nhs. I blame them entirely. I've had gyny issues for 15 years with bugger all help and then a cancer diagnosis.
I'm ND too which doesn't help and means there is zero chance or me adopting either - I wouldn't cope with the assessments or panels so is a non starter.
I can't even stay on these threads for long as they upset me too much.

userxx · 01/01/2023 20:51

Have you looked into ivf ?

Original poster
whatwasthatt · 01/01/2023 20:55

Yes - I've had the blood work tests done, multiple now.. I feel like a pin cushion 😂🤦🏼‍♀️ and the internal scans along with external ones. I've had t go private for these scans as the NHS was taking way, way too long. The lovely consultant I have says she's ADAMANT that she's going to find out what's going on, and help me as best she can. She is really kind and I feel this helps at such a bleak point in my life.

DH has a sperm analysis on 10th January so hoping if there's any issues there, we'll get a clearer picture and help with proceeding.

2 years ago, at Christmas time, I was sure I was pregnant. The tests were feint, but I was sure there was a line there. Even my DM saw it. I went out, bought a gift box and a little baby grow to surprise my DH with on Christmas Day. We were so, so excited. Anyway, 8am on the dot, Christmas Day; and I began bleeding. DH never did receive that gift. In fact, my DM still has it, unopened, on the top of her wardrobe at her house. It pains me to think of it sitting there, unopened.. it just feels so wrong and cruel 😞 looking back now, and I wonder
If I was just so desperate to see a line that I really imagined it. I haven't had any luck since so there's really no reason to think it was positive back then.

DH and I put ourselves so much last year. I had surgery to loose weight.
Im now 8st down, and DH is 12.5st down. All in the view of making TTC easier. It feels so wrong that still, after this loss, we aren't able to fall pregnant. I'm delighted with the results, but was praying it would be a turning point for us and would make TTC easier.
It doesn't feel like it has 😞

It just feels torturous.

OP posts:
gnummareddi · 01/01/2023 20:56

You are not an awful person. You sound so lovely and the fact that so many people ask you for help speaks for itself.

I understand the achy sadness. It's the most horrible thing and it takes over everything.

I hope 2023 brings you your good news.

GoingtotheWinchester · 01/01/2023 21:00

You’ve done incredibly well to both lose so much weight - not easy when under so much stress.

Dh and I avoided babies and pregnant friends for a long time when we were ttc - took us over 5 years 😢.

Is there a reason you haven’t told dh’s mum?

Watermelonsugarbye · 01/01/2023 21:02

You are not awful it’s totally normal ❤️❤️
I’m 5ish years ttc now one round of ivf which lead to a miscarriage, I can’t stand being around pregnant people or babies it’s brutal as I don’t have much choice sometimes. It’s a constant ache and grief which is all encompassing, sending ❤️ and hoping this is your year Xx

mug2018 · 01/01/2023 21:04

You're absolutely not an awful person.
I know that feeling too well as it took me 5 years to conceive my DD (now 15)
My good daughter has just been through the same and now has a beautiful DD of 5 weeks.
Never give up your dreams but my one word of advice is that trying to conceive is nothing to hide. Talk to your family & friends - it is more common than you think & you'll get comfort & support on your journey which will lift some of the pain & stress you feel
Believe 2023 will be your year - sending love

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