My heart aches every time..

[whatwasthatt]

I see a pregnancy announcement. I know it sounds awful, probably terrible in face.. but I just can't cope with seeing so many pregnancy announcements at the moment. Lots of social influencers & celebs announcing (which is truly wonderful for them!!) that they are pregnant, and my heart aches.

Me and DH have been TTC for over 3 years now with no luck, and no help. I came into this new year with a goal of keeping a good, positive mindset and WISHING that 2023 will be our year, but I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy when I see others announcing their news. Does this make me an awful person? It probably does.

My heart actually hurts. I long for a family of my own. Why doesn't it happen for us. It's getting to the point where I'm avoiding family situations and events where there's babies and little children as I just feel so much sadness.

Thank you so much. It's been great to have something else to move my focus on to, momentarily. Loosing weight has been wonderful for us both. I think I just naively thought perhaps it would help us with conception, but alas nothing so far! 😞

I think it's the fact that they aren't so understanding. She fell out with SIL when she announced she was TTC, I'm not entirely sure why. I think she was hurt that SIL hadn't told her beforehand? Strange.

She is also DH's employer, kind of. They are in family business together, and I am not entirely sure how she and DFIL would take the news, as DH does a lot of work for the business and it would mean paternity leave etc etc, which I'm not sure they are supporters of.

Don't get me wrong, they are really lovely people. Just tricky at times!

I feel your pain, when I miscarried my 1st baby I couldn't stand seeing pregnancy announcements, I had to unfollow some people on Facebook and couldn't walk past baby clothes in supermarkets or look at other people's bumps or newborns. It then took another year and a half to conceive after the miscarriage which was hard as I just didn't understand why my body couldn't work properly. It does not make you and awful person at all! Please don't feel that way. I really hope you get some answers soon xx

So sorry for your loss, sending you love and positivity and I pray for you that 2023 is your year ❤️

Depending on DH's sperm analysis, we are going to look into IVF.

I completely agree r/e the brutality of life around children, babies, expectant people and announcements all around you. It's so tough.

Just logged into Instagram and there's another announcement! Lovely news for
The couple of course. It's almost as though everyone's waited until NYD to announce 🥹

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I think I may have to re-evaluate and potentially discuss with PIL's. They're lovely people, I just worry about things like this.
I'm not entirely sure why it feels so personal and as though It's still mine and DH's little secret..

Sorry to hear you also struggled, but so pleased to hear you now have your precious DD!

So so sorry for your loss.

The pain is hard to articulate, isn't it? If I try to rationalise it in my head, I just feel silly,
childish, jealous and guilty. My heart is aching.

I get it OP. I walked past a heavily pregnant woman in Morrisons yesterday and I wished I was her 😥

It's okay to feel a pang of jealousy and to feel sad. Feel free to vent on here, you are in sympathetic company.

Yes it is incredibly difficult! I know a lot of people who have had fertility problems and they have babies now, it can be a long road but it can happen, don't give up hope. I was so stressed out and obsessed with becoming pregnant that I don't think it helped me conceive, the month I relaxed and didn't bother with ovulation tests and had alcohol in the lead up to my period I became pregnant. Xx

I feel like I almost stare at pregnant people in disbelief 😂 I want to know how they feel, how they found out.. are they excited? Why them and not me..

So many questions. It's strange, really. Before TTC, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a pregnant person, would happily wonder through the baby clothes in stores with not a care in the world. I'd be happy for the strangers I see online announcing their pregnancies.. but now I just feel pain at all of those things.

I feel like my MH has taken a turn for the worse, too. I feel superstitious all of a sudden, as though this is all bad Karma or something like that.. like there's a reason why this isn't happening to me. It's silly as I've never done anything in life to deserve this, I like to believe I'm a good, honest person. I think it's hard as I want this so much, it's like I'm trying to reason with myself and find a reason as to why it isn't happening.. when really, it just isn't. It isn't due to seeing 2 magpies on the day my AF is due (2 for sorrow) or the mirror I broke the other day.. it's just the way things are for me.

You are not awful, you can't help how you feel.
From my own experience, I would recommend being open and honest with people. When I was trying it felt like everyone was having babies it was everywhere I turned.. my best friend had 3 while I was TTC. I couldn't even bring myself to meet her 3rd as it was just too painful. But I was open and honest and she got it. I didn't go to family events and people knew why and everyone respected it.

It's ok to be hurt, and you don't have to be brave all the time.

I had IVF and it worked first time. I then had 1 egg left so I had another round just because I couldn't not use it. I did not expect it to work again but it did! There's hope.. you're not at the end of the road yet.

Thank you. I think I'm going to speak to DH about sitting down with his parents and discussing our difficulties TTC. It just seems so scary!

I am sorry to hear you struggled too, but delighted to hear you now have your rainbow babies! What a beautiful end to your journey! 🌈

Ahh I'm sorry to read this OP.
Hopefully DHs sperm analysis may shed more light on the matter.
DH and I went private for the checks and were basically told no chance, we were expecting it though as DH had undergone some pretty intense chemo a couple of years before. Apparently his sperm are few and far between but the ones there are odd shaped and can't swim straight! Bless em.
We've come to terms with it now, but even with that bleak out look (I also had lower egg reserves than they would want) they still believe IVF is an option.
Unfortunately as we were deciding whether or not to go through with it, DHs cancer returned and made the decision for us.

It's awful @whatwasthatt. I remember trilling happily down the phone to friends who phoned with their happy news (we phoned 30 years ago) whilst tears ran down my face. Holding a baby at the font as a god parent, smiling brightly and just feeling numb inside. Crying in the toilets at work when a miscarriage started or someone else was pregnant.

We had secondary infertility, no trouble getting pg, just trouble staying pg and some terribly bad luck.

But we persevered and eventually managed two dc. They are 28 and 24 on their own grown up journeys now. I hope the same happens for you. The pain is visceral and never forgotten. I am sorry you are suffering.

Best of luck on your journey and I hope 2023 is your year.

I am so so sorry to hear this, and send you and your husband so much strength

This describes it so well. It's like a horrible, empty numbness inside when I hear of others news, or see a newborn. Made even worse when it's family, for some reason.

I am so glad you got your happy ending, and thank you for your kindness & well wishes for this year 🥰

oh love 😞 3 years is a long time to be wanting something so badly so please don't think you are a crazy woman. it's so so difficult. we have friends who wernt even trying and fell pregnant then she said to me "hurry up and have one" even though she knows we've been trying and that really hurt.

Has your partner had tests? I'm trying the Fertiliy conception cup this cycle .. if I finally get a peak LH test this month 😂😞 my cycles have been all over the place the past few months so that's really not helping me not knowing where I am in my cycle.

TTC really does make us a bit stir crazy but it's only because we desperately want a baby. it feels like we are in limbo doesn't it? like life's on hold 😞 I just keep thinking to myself, it will happen one day and if in a few years it still hasn't happened then we will go a different route to having a child of our own. I really hope you get a BFP soon my lovely. We are all here for you ❤️ Be kind to yourself. You are not a failure and your time will come xx

@Sparklecrystal yep, it feels like a lifetime already! I should be grateful for the support from my family, but find it hard when my DM tells me 'it will happen when you least expect it' and 'just relax..' I feel like I've tried to hard to relax but just can't!

I'm finding the whole thing harder by the month!

Sorry you've had some insensitive comments, too. I've had my fair share! Sometimes I'm sure others don't think before they speak! I had a disagreement with my sister recently (only brief!) because she told
me to hurry up and have children so she can become an auntie.. knowing of my struggles. I'm sure she meant well, and just didn't think before she joked. She apologised profusely but it stung.

Praying for your happy ending 🌈❤️

Bad things happen to good people. Please don't connect your value as a person to the kind of luck you have. 💐

My heart aches for you, you sound like a lovely person. I do hope all your wishes will come true in 2023 and you will stop feeling the way you feel now. Infertility is a cruel and lonely experience I wouldn't wish on anyone. I completely get it when you say your heart aches when you see/hear pregnancy announcement... it's the worst. I can't bear it, it ruins my day. You are not alone❤️

It ruins mine, too! It's all I can think about afterwards.. Awful as it sounds, as I know the expectant couple must be so so excited!! I just feel a little twinge of envy

I really hope you get your 🌈 too xx

@whatwasthatt dont get me wrong, MIL was totally unsympathetic and really quite cruel when we were TTC but I found it easier than her constantly banging on about when we were going to start trying 🙄.

The obsession for me was awful - I commented to dh the other day that I can’t remember the last time I saw a pregnant woman which is ridiculous because there must be as many around now as there were then but I just don’t notice them anymore whereas when I was ttc I felt I saw them everywhere 😢.