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Original poster

Am I gay?

28 replies

FlowerLilyFix · 29/12/2022 21:24

It’s something I discussed briefly with my therapist. She asked me if I considered I might be and I was like no way!

but I have kissed women at Uni, I have been to gay clubs and wanted to pull women but was with my BF then and now he’s my DH.

I keep dreaming about a school mum who is very sporty and she’s got this dry sense of humour, it’s like I think of her and I don’t know why. I see her and I’m shy, she’s witty, makes me laugh. I don’t feel physically attracted to her but she’s confusing me. Or she’s not but I’m feeling confused by her. Whenever I see lesbians together I’m intrigued and I want to look at them.

I would watch lesbian porn if I was interested in watching porn.

I think I’m probably bi but the side that would be attracted to a woman is really pushing inside me.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlowerLilyFix · 29/12/2022 21:26

I guess I’m asking if you’re straight or identify as straight does being with a woman float your boat at all?

OP posts:
catchthedog · 29/12/2022 21:26

you're bi then assuming you do actually fancy men/your husband.

pinkycatmum · 29/12/2022 21:27

Bisexual. If you like both men and women.

Climbles · 29/12/2022 21:28

Do you want to have sex with real (not porn) women?
do you want to have sex with real men?

nancydroo · 29/12/2022 21:31

Just sounds like a fantasy you're having. You can think your way into anything if you have the motivation to. How far do you want to explore this if you're already married?

Hohofortherobbers · 29/12/2022 21:31

No, women don't float my boat. Definitely straight. You sound at least bi curious to me.

Original poster
FlowerLilyFix · 29/12/2022 21:36

I don’t want to explore it physically I just kind of need to know. I imagine sex with a woman being tender and slower. Although I have good sex with my DH.

i don’t want to leave DH. I kind of just need to know what this thing or thoughts of this school mum. What they are.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlowerLilyFix · 29/12/2022 21:36

nancydroo · 29/12/2022 21:31

Just sounds like a fantasy you're having. You can think your way into anything if you have the motivation to. How far do you want to explore this if you're already married?

This is what I’m thinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlowerLilyFix · 29/12/2022 21:37

catchthedog · 29/12/2022 21:26

you're bi then assuming you do actually fancy men/your husband.

Yes Bi. Just I don’t know I feel like part of me has missed out.

OP posts:
catchthedog · 29/12/2022 21:55

I'm a lesbian but don't ever have fantasies about men.
if you're happy with your husband you don't need to think you have missed out though. Good sex is good sex, wherever it comes from as long as u are into that one person.

Dollythesheepagain · 29/12/2022 21:59

I think sexuality is a spectrum…..E.g. I’m mostly heterosexual because I tend to ‘fancy’ men. But I do find women attractive, and one in particular at uni had a real draw (she was so so genuinely herself, confident, fun, positive, not traditionally attractive but she has this unbelievable energy!…. and that made her very sexy!)…. I feel like I’m about 90% to 10% split (hetro- homo), and I’m ok with that (% can adjust depending on my mood, point in my cycle, people around me, which way the wind blows lol)

So long as no one’s getting hurt, it’s ok to lust for who you lust for…male, female, or just a particular individual with a particular sexy draw!!!

I read this article recently.. it made me think & it may help you (link below but I know people don’t trust links. You can Google ‘thought catalog science of sexy’ and irs one of the top results).

thoughtcatalog.com/may-pang/2021/03/the-science-of-sexy-5-alluring-traits-that-have-nothing-to-do-with-looks/

purpledalmation · 29/12/2022 22:08

'Missed out'? I've never done a parachute jump or been to Egypt. I've certainly missed out on those, but so has everyone missed out at some point. It's pointless worrying about missing out on lesbian sex just because part of you fancies women. Many married women (and men) fancy other people outside their partner. They usually don't act on it. It's life

Original poster
FlowerLilyFix · 29/12/2022 22:16

@Dollythesheepagain this article is spot on and everything this school mum is! She’s effortlessly funny, doesn’t fawn, doesn’t make herself available to many, she’s fun to be around … she could be Natalie!

OP posts:
Thistlelass · 29/12/2022 23:14

You could of course be 'missing out' if you never have the opportunity to fall in love with a woman.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 29/12/2022 23:43

I am straight. I don't want to
Go with. A woman in real
Life but I find women attractive in pictures and in my imagination but I would
Not want to see it through

Same as I would not
Want to have a threesome tho I may imagine it

So I'm
My case it's a fantasy and a private one I'd never tell my dh or anyone in real
Life.

LipsSoScarlet · 30/12/2022 00:44

You obviously have some attraction to women, whether you’re gay or bi depends on your attraction to men. Do you actually fancy men? I thought I did for a long time. I actually don’t and am 100% a lesbian. It’s a weird thing. There’s a lesbian masterdoc that might be worth looking at if you’re feeling a bit unsure.

Original poster
FlowerLilyFix · 30/12/2022 00:45

Yes I am attracted to men. Very much so.

what’s making me wonder is why I’m also now thinking about my attraction to women more.

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Schnooze · 30/12/2022 00:50

Is it admiration you feel? Is there a part of you that wishes to be like her, which is why she fascinates and confuses you?

Whatslovegottodowithit88 · 30/12/2022 01:18

It sounds like infatuation. I get this with women and would love to experience sex with the same sex but being in a relationship doesn't appeal to me.

Original poster
FlowerLilyFix · 30/12/2022 09:24

Schnooze · 30/12/2022 00:50

Is it admiration you feel? Is there a part of you that wishes to be like her, which is why she fascinates and confuses you?

Possibly. She comes across as very self confident, doesn’t give two f5cks kind of person, super sporty (which I’m not), seems to have it together basically. Isn’t fussed about having lots of friends, basically she’s just herself! And I love it!

OP posts:
Original poster
FlowerLilyFix · 30/12/2022 09:26

She has this real witty sense of humour! Really cracks me up. I don’t see her much (we do share one group of friends that gets together occasionally so I have seen her socially maybe a couple of times (more pre-covid)).

OP posts:
Original poster
FlowerLilyFix · 30/12/2022 09:28

Whatslovegottodowithit88 · 30/12/2022 01:18

It sounds like infatuation. I get this with women and would love to experience sex with the same sex but being in a relationship doesn't appeal to me.

Yes possibly, she does a Team sport and is very very talented at it (was elite level). So perhaps I am a little in awe of her.

OP posts:
CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 30/12/2022 10:24

I'm straight and never had the slightest pull to women, so it sounds to me like you have some % of bi in there. For me hearing about same sex attraction is like hearing about Timbuktu, you accept it's real cos you've seen trip advisor reviews but you don't expect to ever go there, even though it sounds nice.
If your relationship is sound then I suppose you need to work out how you feel without jeopardising it. Maybe you need to reach a point where you can live with the fact there is a side to you that remains unexpressed, or is expressed only in fantasy... or if the itch is too strong and must be scratched then at least do the right thing by your DH and don't lie to him.

Original poster
FlowerLilyFix · 30/12/2022 17:39

No I don’t want to jeopardise anything and I guess it’s just something in me that’s fully accepting that I have this real attraction. Not just some messing around at Uni. That was perhaps the time I should have explored.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 30/12/2022 17:43

Did your therapist ask and then you've been thinking about it more? If so, that seems like the answer to why it's on your mind, you're suggestible and having it raised makes you more aware of those thoughts and discount others. It sounds like fairly normal idle fantasy level to me and like there's no reason to agonise over it as you're happy with and fancy your male partner.