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Original poster

How did you organise visiting baby at home?

31 replies

mopsyhasapassport · 29/12/2022 21:15

Hopefully if all goes well we'll both be back home very quickly, but in some ways I feel like the hospital has much lower visiting expectations!

On DH's side we will only be having his parents. My mum is the problem as she will invite half of the county Hmm

We have stocked up with biscuits and cakes and will point them to the kettle.

Did you organise a timetable in advance?

OP posts:
Ohchristmastree311 · 29/12/2022 21:16

@mopsyhasapassport You tell your mum that she doesn’t have the right to invite anyone and you just invite who you want whenever you want surely?

RewildingAmbridge · 29/12/2022 21:17

People would just text/call and say when are you free? I would reply and tell them when I was free!

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 29/12/2022 21:17

We did 1 setvof visitors a day, usually around 11am as got us up but then left rest of day free.

With both kids we like to get the visitors done in the first 2 weeks, then into normal life from week 3.

We love having visitors, hand baby round and i get to have normal conversations with friends and family

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Motheranddaughtertotwo · 29/12/2022 21:19

A timetable? No, people tended to call or text and we would arrange that way. Try not to overthink it, people will come and see you, normally stay for a short while and then leave. Apart from milk, tea and coffee I didn’t worry about having much else in.

Original poster
mopsyhasapassport · 29/12/2022 21:22

I like the idea of a set of people at a set time every day. I really want to enjoy it but I also want time with DH and the baby.

OP posts:
User0ne · 29/12/2022 21:43

I totally get the desire for a timetable

The thing is babies don't work like that and neither do the hormonal surges following birth. Or at least they didn't for me for any of my 3 children.

You can pretty safely assume that you won't want anyone except the closest of friends/family (and I mean the ones you'd choose for emotional support not the near relatives) around for the first 5 days even if you have the perfect birth. This is because you'll be hormonal with sore, leaky boo s (even if you don't breastfeed), with minimal sleep and a post-pregnancy body.

Maybe wait to see what sort of birth you have - and therefore what sort of recovery you'll need. Then DH can arrange for people to visit once you're past that first week.

If you're planning to breastfeed I'd give it a fortnight before visitors (unless they can support with the bf) as you'll need to spend 85% of the day topless/with boob out.

Original poster
mopsyhasapassport · 29/12/2022 21:51

I know, I know. I love a timetable. I'm vainly hoping the baby will too Grin

OP posts:
qpmz · 29/12/2022 21:57

Ask your visitors to supply some home cooked meals and cakes. You'll be hungry a lot and need easy food.

123woop · 29/12/2022 22:13

Our baby was born on a Thursday, home on the Friday and then we had the weekend of endless visits!!! By the Tuesday I sat in bed and cried and asked to just have one day where I could cuddle my baby in bed. Luckily lockdown was declared soon after and it was the best thing that ever happened 😂😂😂😂

It depends who's coming in all honesty - most were great and came and told some jokes and relaxed and brought food and held the baby whilst we ate. One arrived and spent the whole time shouting at her kids which really ruined the calm atmosphere I'd tried to create!! Don't be afraid of being firm when you want people to leave as some will happily sit in whilst the midwife inspects your nipples 🤣

Ostryga · 29/12/2022 22:17

qpmz · 29/12/2022 21:57

Ask your visitors to supply some home cooked meals and cakes. You'll be hungry a lot and need easy food.

This 100%! Get everyone to bring a meal or snacks rather than a babygro.

I was completely loopy after DD’s birth - 40+ hour labour, no sleep for days and high on hormones - I wanted everyone with me at all times for the first few days. Even my mum’s friends I’d met once before 😂 I think I liked the comfort of company, especially women who knew what they were doing!

So post-birth can make you make strange decisions. I honestly would just go with the flow. If you’re not up to people coming over they don’t. If you want tons over then they do! It’s up to you at the end of the day. Plus with a newborn you’re allowed to tell people to fuck off and blame it on the hormones, make the most of it!

Original poster
mopsyhasapassport · 29/12/2022 22:22

I really just want the PILS (poor old FIL has a marvellously old fashioned view of women's matters and would throw himself through the window at the sight of a midwife Grin) and my friends.

I can vividly remember traipsing round visiting newborns as a child with my mum. She's such a people pleaser that she can't imagine why I don't want Auntie Margaret there.

OP posts:
TrentCrimm · 29/12/2022 22:23

I'll never forget pulling up outside our house after being discharged with our eldest, and finding DH's grandparents sitting in their car on our drive (making us park on and walk from the street!)

We let them off because they were old, excited to meet their first great grandchild, and we loved them. I was pushed to the limit that day, I can tell you!

SortinMyMH · 29/12/2022 22:25

I was relaxed about all this.
I had dc 3 12.30 am. Home by 8am . Visitors by 9am pretty much non stop various people.
But i like visitors. And i dont care if i looked like shit.
But i get others arent the same. So maybe just say please message when you're planning to come to check if ok?

Original poster
mopsyhasapassport · 29/12/2022 22:27

I bet you were Trent. I think I will say to DH that we'll get home and get ourselves sorted before announcing we're home.

OP posts:
Katapolts · 29/12/2022 22:30

With my first baby, I went to my mum's when he was about a week old and invited everyone over to meet him then.

Did a couple of hours of handing the baby round while my mum hosted everyone and then went home to my own quiet, empty house once we'd had enough.

CurbsideProphet · 29/12/2022 22:41

I wish visitors had brought me some nice snacks rather than tons of babygros that haven't been worn 😬
My baby is 3 months old. We held off on visitors for 5 days as I was having difficulty getting breastfeeding established and was in a bad way from my c section. I could barely stand or walk and couldn't cope with having people around.

Once I felt up to having visitors we had immediate family for short visits to start with. We had a difficult time with IVF and a very anxious pregnancy, so really in the early I just desperately wanted to hold and feed my own baby without interruption. I appreciate some women feel fine and want everyone round immediately. You just need to organise visitors how you prefer, not how you think you should.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 29/12/2022 22:45

If you're planning to breastfeed I'd give it a fortnight before visitors (unless they can support with the bf) as you'll need to spend 85% of the day topless/with boob out.

This really isn't the case for most women i know who breastfeed.

babynoname22 · 29/12/2022 22:48

First baby....no one. We were 8 days into the first lockdown. 😭 I really needed my
Mum. I was very poorly from a traumatic birth. It was mega shit.

Second baby planned section. Born Monday home Wednesday. My PIL came to stay wed-sun. I was so grateful. My MIL is great and helped look after me and and baby my FIL and DH looked after toddler. It also meant my toddler got lots of attention which was nice.

My mum and sister came to visit in hospital. Then we had people from Thursday onwards in dribs and drabs.

Rule was if you were coming you brought something to eat for us eg lasagne chilli cake etc.

MajorCarolDanvers · 29/12/2022 22:53

I had great visitors who would cook meals, make coffees. One even did all the ironing.

Had a section so took all help going.

Original poster
mopsyhasapassport · 29/12/2022 22:53

That must have been so hard babynoname22. I really sympathise with all of the lockdown mums.

OP posts:
Ostryga · 29/12/2022 23:00

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 29/12/2022 22:45

If you're planning to breastfeed I'd give it a fortnight before visitors (unless they can support with the bf) as you'll need to spend 85% of the day topless/with boob out.

This really isn't the case for most women i know who breastfeed.

I really did spend most of my time with my tits out. I did put them away for guests I knew wouldn’t be comfortable, but my female relatives became very quickly accustomed to my nipples 😂

UsingChangeofName · 29/12/2022 23:01

I didn't 'organise visiting'.

People phoned and asked if they could come after work, or on Saturday afternoon or whatever. Then, depending on how we were or if anyone else was there then they could come or not. Others left us a couple of weeks or more then dropped by (I had my dc before everyone had mobile phones, I guess most people would message now).
As a pp said The thing is babies don't work like that and neither do the hormonal surges following birth.

Wait until the baby is here and then see how you feel.
I was in hospital for nearly a week with dc1, and was bloomin' grateful people made the effort to come and visit me and break up the day.

Original poster
mopsyhasapassport · 29/12/2022 23:05

TBH, I was expecting a very old fashioned approach at the hospital- i.e. two slots a day and four people to the bed. I feel like that would be a lot easier to manage in some ways!

OP posts:
Ostryga · 29/12/2022 23:09

mopsyhasapassport · 29/12/2022 23:05

TBH, I was expecting a very old fashioned approach at the hospital- i.e. two slots a day and four people to the bed. I feel like that would be a lot easier to manage in some ways!

Honestly just go with how you feel. There is no point worrying now because you have no idea how you’ll be after birth.

You might be up to visitors you might not. What matters is how YOU feel after birth. Go with that and you can’t go far wrong. Get your husband to field visitors whilst you recover. But honestly just make sure you feel up to it all and don’t let yourself get overwhelmed

blueflagflyhigh · 29/12/2022 23:10

I don't understand this why would your mum be inviting people round 🤷🏻‍♀️

The only people we had come to visit was parents and siblings in the first week (most of them had visited when in hospital anyway and then close friends in the weeks after. No randoms or mums friends or aunts/uncles, cousins etc. just say NO!

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