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Original poster

MILs: how far away could your adult son move?

77 replies

CurlyClairey · 29/12/2022 19:36

Right here’s the scenario. You have a married adult son who wants to buy a bigger house with his wife. He’s always lived within a few streets of you. You’re in you late 60s if that matters. You’re fit and healthy, married yourself and have a good circle of friends but you enjoy regularly popping into adult son’s house throughout the week. How far away could your son move from you before you kick up a fuss about it?? MIL thinks us moving 20 minutes drive away is the end of the world and is NOT happy. Weve offered to continue visiting but she’s saying we’re “moving away”. I can’t see why she can’t just drive the 20 minutes to pop round when she wants to anyway??? What does everyone else think?

OP posts:
AChristmasCaro · 29/12/2022 19:37

Um, any distance? Purely personally, I'd be sad if he moved to Australia but I wouldn't "kick up a fuss".

Chasingsquirrels · 29/12/2022 19:38

AChristmasCaro · 29/12/2022 19:37

Um, any distance? Purely personally, I'd be sad if he moved to Australia but I wouldn't "kick up a fuss".

Yes, this

Lapland123 · 29/12/2022 19:39

Ridiculous selfish nonsense on her part. I expect some posters will be along to say that the son should stay as she is ‘lonely and elderly’. Or that moving away is just ‘the English way’ and very selfish

BendingSpoons · 29/12/2022 19:41

She's being ridiculous, ignore her! Yes it is a change, but hardly far! Although I have a friend in her late 30s who was surprised my parents were willing to babysit for my kids, as they live quite far away. It's a 15 min drive! I think they live pretty close!

xyzandabc · 29/12/2022 19:41

She can say what she likes but you and her adult son can (and should) ignore what you like.

Good lord, 20 mins is absolutely nothing in terms of being able to visit. She has her own life, her son has his own life, she needs to recognise this.
If she's always in your house (to me several times a week is always!) Then 20 mins away is probably quite a healthy distance.

Perhaps tell her you are actually thinking about a place 2 hours away. Then repent and go for the one 20 mins away and she'll be much happier.

EasterIssland · 29/12/2022 19:43

Has she always being precious like this ?

Jellybean2023 · 29/12/2022 19:43

My mum would probably be upset if we moved more than an hour away, because she is so involved with our children, I'd actually be sad for her too.
20 minutes she's being very over the top. More than a couple of hours I'd understand her being upset but she should still understand you're doing what's best for your family.

jevoudrais · 29/12/2022 19:43

She's being ridiculous and selfish. I don't know many who would like their in laws popping in and I'd be grateful it's only 20 mins.

My DM's sons live three hours in one direction and two hours in another. Even that isn't terrible. One was maybe moving to Australia and that was a blow to us all but thankfully for us it didn't happen.

PuttingDownRoots · 29/12/2022 19:44

Weve lived between 2000miles and 50 miles of MIL.

BIL lives 6000 miles away.

MIL has good relationships with both her sons and all her grandchildren, as does PIL.

Notanotherusername4321 · 29/12/2022 19:45

AChristmasCaro · 29/12/2022 19:37

Um, any distance? Purely personally, I'd be sad if he moved to Australia but I wouldn't "kick up a fuss".

Even so, I’d be looking at it as an excuse for some big holidays :)

movingon2022 · 29/12/2022 19:45

Hello there. First of all I wanted to say that your post gave me a chuckle and I thank you for it. But then I just imagined my MIL "popping in" a few times a week and felt a deep feeling of dread. You poor thing, how did you survive?

I do not think that you really need an answer to this question as it is quite obvious that your MIL is totally unreasonable, selfish and possessive narcissist. If you are asking me 20 min away, totally not enough, she will be popping in still. Sorry. 😔

movingon2022 · 29/12/2022 19:45

Hello there. First of all I wanted to say that your post gave me a chuckle and I thank you for it. But then I just imagined my MIL "popping in" a few times a week and felt a deep feeling of dread. You poor thing, how did you survive?

I do not think that you really need an answer to this question as it is quite obvious that your MIL is totally unreasonable, selfish and possessive narcissist. If you are asking me 20 min away, totally not enough, she will be popping in still. Sorry. 😔

Longleggedgiraffe · 29/12/2022 19:46

Sheesh! I have a son who lives in Taiwan, for Pete’s sake. He’d go nuts if I kept popping in. He has his own life to lead.

movingon2022 · 29/12/2022 19:47

Sorry this was posted twice 😂

MintJulia · 29/12/2022 19:47

Anywhere.

I'd miss my ds dreadfully but it's his life. He must go where he wants.

teenagetantrums · 29/12/2022 19:50

As long as they happy l don't care where my children live. It's so easy to stay in contact these days. 20 min drive is nothing.

Gronkle · 29/12/2022 19:53

He can go where he likes, I'd hate to be the one to limit his life experiences, not a good mother.

HamBone · 29/12/2022 19:54

AChristmasCaro · 29/12/2022 19:37

Um, any distance? Purely personally, I'd be sad if he moved to Australia but I wouldn't "kick up a fuss".

Exactly ^^ My children can move wherever they want to, I’ll never kick up a fuss about distance, they need to do what’s best for them.

ButtonSister · 29/12/2022 19:54

I have a married son. If they decided to move to the other side of the world I would be sad and miss him hugely (and I hope it never happens) but would not begrudge him and his wife one bit, and would support their decision.

SpentDandelion · 29/12/2022 19:54

I am a widow, and l say to my sons if you stay nearby because l am on my own, l haven't done my job as a parent properly. I want them to live their lives and see the world, not baby sit me. l have created a full and interesting life of my own, and expect them to as well.

MrsTWH · 29/12/2022 19:55

Agreed, it’s their life to live and not my place to “kick up a fuss”. I’d be nothing but supportive, even if I was a bit sad if they were moving hours and hours away.

ButtonSister · 29/12/2022 19:55

In contrast my husband's birth family think he (and me of course) are terrible for living 30 miles away

35965a · 29/12/2022 19:56

Any parent who kicks up a fuss when their adult child is moving away is a selfish drama llama. Being sad is fine but making your child feel bad about it in any way is manipulative and horrible.

Anewhoo · 29/12/2022 19:57

Omg, my parents live 2.5hrs away and still offer to babysit!! Not that we’ve taken them up on it unless they’re coming for an overnight visit. 20mins is an absolute dream! My PIL live a 40min drive/20min train away and we pop up and stick the grandchildren there on a Friday so we can wfh and not be disrupted. Your PIL are ridiculous!!!

TimeToFlyNow · 29/12/2022 19:59

20 mins is nothing, I'd be upset if they moved really far away but I wouldn't ever show it. They can live where ever they like

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