Noisy disrespectful neighbours

[upinastar]

This is more of a rant than looking for any kind of advice.

I've spent the past few weeks recovering from a major operation to remove cancer while having to listen to my neighbours crash things around, bang every cupboard and door, stamp up and down the stairs and shout to each other rather than talk until all hours. They have a baby and a toddler in the house and I really feel for them as it must be so chaotic in that house, although sadly it's probably the norm for them, and they will be the next generation in thinking such disrespect for neighbours is normal.

What I don't get is how people actually think it's acceptable. I mean you know if you are slamming doors and shouting, they aren't arguing when they do this, it's just how they are. A lot of people really just do not seem to care about the impact they have on others anymore.

They have been informed in a nice way and just shrugged their shoulders and carried on, nothing changed. I'm too sore and tired to be keeping logs etc .. I'm wiped out with the chemo as it is. I can just about look after my children with the way I feel right now. My children don't have their father around as he died when they were really young so there is no one else here to support us with this.

As I said at the beginning. This is just a rant. I suppose I was just looking for a bit of support that things won't always be this way as it's so difficult right now not being able to escape from this and seeing my children upset by everything when I've already told the neighbours who just don't care.

Does anybody have any similar stories so it doesn't feel so isolating? Or even positive stories of horrible neighbours suddenly moving out?

Didn’t want to pass by without sending a hug and Get Well soon.

We had a Whstsapp group when a druggy nightmare neighbour moved into our well established quiet cul de sac. He had no idea we were all talking to each other about the comings and goings. In the end he got an ASBO and his tenancy was not renewed. All peaceful now but it gave me PTSD because he was so physically threatening to me and others for a variety of his righteous reasons. It was like a bomb going off in our peaceful neighbourhood.
I feel for you and hope you will eventually find peace from this dreadful intrusion on your equilibrium.
Are the neighbours on the other side troubled like you? Could you enlist their help?

Thank you so much for your reply I really appreciate you taking the time to share a story with a good outcome. Im so happy that you managed to be free of your neighbour, he sounds like a nightmare. It must have been such a relief for you all the day he went.

No one is joined on to them on the other side so I'm the only neighbour who it impacts on. It's also not really a nice neighborhood, I've kept myself to myself since being here and never had any issues before this. As I said above I've mentioned it in a nice way and it's been ignored, they don't come across as the kind of people you can keep asking and have all sorts coming and going.

I've had noisy neighbours in the past and even with neighbours the other side of them complaining with me we got no where and I moved in the end.

It's just the idea that people have no thought or consideration for their neighbours. It's the man's house rented off the housing and his girlfriend actually has her own council house in the area so they are taking up two houses which could go to respectful people. I can only assume her own neighbours must have had enough of her.

Sone people are arseholes, particularly when it's pointed out that they're noisy and literally do nothing or even apologise
So sorry you've been unwell, wishing you all the best in your recovery

I've had similar neighbours. They weren't from the uk and I can only presume had no idea how to live in a victorian terrace.

• Baby left to cry it out for HOURS when their nursery was attached to our bedroom.

• younger kid constantly bouncing a ball off an adjoining wall

• fell hammering nails in the wall at 11pm

I lasted 2 weeks before I had to have a quiet word and say that If they kept hammering at 11pm then I'd be forced to hammer nails into their skull.

Tbf to them they were very apologetic and the noise reduced significantly.

Do you enjoy playing heavy metal music at 2am? I'd be tempted to start. Then you have some noise to trade with them when they complain.

Thank you for your well wishes @custardbear they mean a lot, and you are right some people really are just absolute arseholes who'll never do anything about it or apologize. We should really just be glad we aren't them.

@YellowHpok I've had the balls bouncing off the walls too, plus jumping up and down repeatedly on a wooden floor wearing what sound like wooden clogs! I don't really want to start retaliation in case it escalates as despite being unwell my sick leave runs out soon, so I need to be up for work in the mornings and also find some way to try and work from home with all this going on. I'm glad that you got an apology, they'd have been extra hard faced not to apologize after what you said 😂 if I wasn't feeling so ill I'd be tempted to turn gangster like that myself.

If next door is local authority or housing association could there be rental liaison services you can contact for support? Maybe they could send a letter or have a quiet word?
You are right not to start playing loud music at 0200 or similar. Two wrongs don’t make a right and you could make matters a lot worse by giving them grist for their mill if liaison staff write or visit. It’ll become tit for tat.
This needs to be dealt with intelligently and strategically. Do some research into what is possible and could be done and work with that.
If all else fails, could you move or apply for a transfer?
I really feel for you at this challenging time of life.

@Warspite they are housing association as is my house. When I mentioned the girlfriend has her own house in the area hers is housing association too. I'm getting more information from people as to what might be going on with her living there and not in her own house and then I'm going to have a word with the housing officer. I don't usually involve myself in other people's business, but they chose to enter my life in a way that's made it really difficult so they involved me in their business

Sorry to hear you are going through this. Our neighbours on one side are very noisy. Part of the reason I’ve gone back to the office full time. One of the teenage daughters lives with her boyfriend but is round her mums all day with her kids . It sounds like a herd of elephants running around . Not sure why she spends so little time in her own house very odd .

It sounds to me though like it’s ordinary family noise rather than anti social behaviour, loud music, parties etc. That’s just life unless you live in a detached house. TBH you sound quite precious- children are noisy and shouldn’t have to tiptoe round their own house .

That’s a bit unfair. There is no reason for children to be slamming doors - you can teach them not to. I hate loud noises and shouting, I don’t want my children behaving like that. It doesn’t stop them having fun within the boundaries of normal levels of noise!

I hate noise too and I have the same problem but it's bad in mornings mainly. Ive started to tune out but things have helped are putting radio on and a decent pair of noise cancelling headphones.

There is obviously the solution of moving but don't know how practical this may be.

We have the same neighbours across the road. House is old and unmodernised so rented out for very little. Plumber and his wife, she doesn't work but plays the radio loud all day inside or outside. They're always shouting inside or outside the house and take 'private' calls on their speakerphones outside. They have all sorts of people coming and going and they join them shouting outside.
The children, for now anyway as they're still quite young , are quiet compared to them. No doubt they'll turn out the same.

Awful people and intimidating and rough to consider approaching (his wife says he drinks and has anger problems - that's the trouble with shouting, your neighbours hear your private conversations).

I don't know what the answer is. Hoping that their landlords sell the place and get someone else in. Even the drug taking neighbours were preferable.

You are right to be talking to the housing association. If they are shouting and being unreasonable, you could suggest it is unkind to the children.

I'm so sorry OP. I'm not going to read the thread as the stories will make me too angry. All over the country there are good people whose lives are being ruined (and that is not an exaggeration) by the people they have to live near. We are a small, crowded island, which means everyone jammed on top of one another. I have known two people driven to suicide attempts by the vermin they had to live near. One was a sweet gay guy who lived with his mum. He wrote "I'm just so desperate for peace and quiet" on his suicide note. The other was a woman with agoraphobia. She had a vicious chav in the flat upstairs who would kick her door when he went out, played loud music through the night, etc. In both cases, their neighbours enjoyed torturing them. It was fun – something to pass the time. There is very little the police can do. At least your neighbours don't sound as bad as that.

It's so sad. I wish there weren't so many heartless, selfish pigs in this world. Too many people really do not care about ANYONE. They are 100% selfish, with the morals of farmyard animals. If I lived next door, it would make me happy to cheer you up in some small way – a bunch of flowers now and then, that sort of thing. And I know there are other people who'd do the same. Not everyone is cruel and unkind. Never forget that. Best I can do is send you a virtual hug instead.

I hope 2023 is better for you. x

It's certainly not ordinary family noise, unless it's normal to repeatedly slam doors in the early hours of the morning and have your children run around at 2am while you drink and shout to each other. I raised my children alone after their father died and still managed to teach them right from wrong and how to respect others while I juggled working full time work alongside everything else.

I'm sorry for everyone else who has actually experienced disrespectful neighbours and wish you all peace in the new year x

Take no notice of nay sayers who accuse you of being “precious.” They need to walk a mile in your shoes. Bereavement, lone parenthood, cancer and now this. Keep coming back to us for love & support. Good people who have empathy are here for you. 🕊️❤️

I hope things improve for you too, OP .

Even when it's quiet you're on edge wondering when it will start again. At least I am. It does have an impact.

@Warspite thank you so much, what you have put there actually made me cry as it feels so lonely and isolating right now. Knowing that strangers who don't even know me care means a lot as there have been times lately when the only thing keeping me going has been knowing my children would be completely alone if I wasn't here.

@beginia you are right it gets to the point where you are just on edge constantly as you know it will all start again. I now have noise cancelling earphones and play a rain app constantly through them day and night. My children mime at me to take the earphones out so they can speak to me. They also have their earphones in most of the time too which makes me feel terrible as we can never have conversations or play games anymore. In fact my youngest woke me up last night upset as they'd once again been woken up by shouting banging and music in the early hours and his earphones had ran out of charge so he couldn't use them.

I have had a few sets of noisy neighbours in the past, and it can really run you down and ruin your mental health. Some people really have no considerstion for others. In the end I financially overextended and moved to a detached and it's the best decision I ever made. Some attached houses are also really quiet if the layout is halls adjoining.

Sounds like you are managing extremely well, especially considering what you are going through. Until you can get out of this situation, either by moving or your neighbours leaving, there are some things that helped me:

1. Lectrofan white noise machine - this thing can go really loud and there are many different sounds which help to mask noise.
2. Running a big old office fan, even if it's facing away from you so it's not too cold. Mine also banged a bit so that covered up the neighbour's banging. :) Even better at night if used in unison with the lectrofan.
3. Going out more during the day for walks gave some respite from noise and generally improved my mood.
4. Not trying to be quiet in my own house, and having friends and family visiting ore often generally helped take my mind off it.
5. I heard that there are earphones that are comfortable for sleep out now, Bose make some although they are expensive.
6. I sometimes put a long youtube playlist on the TV with music on repeat.

It is exhausting and it feels like it will last forever, but you'll be out of this situation sooner or later.

Thank you for all the tips @m95 I really appreciate you sharing them. I may look into getting a white noise machine and a fan as my ears are becoming sore from wearing the earphones constantly. Getting out for a walk is quite difficult right now, but once I'm a bit more back on my feet I'll definitely try to get out more. I've have found I'm being as quiet as I can in the house and have been telling my children off all the time asking them to keep still which I know is completely out of order but I'm just so stressed I can't seem to help it. I've asked family and friends not to come round telling them I'm not up to visitors. They know about the neighbours but they think it's more feeling unwell from the cancer why I'm keeping them away. I just can't relax in the house enough to enjoy company anymore and feel I'm waiting for people to leave so I can block the noise out again. When friends have been here they've even commented on the amount of noise and said they couldn't live here with that.

Investigate every avenue you can to get a transfer. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. Be dogged with helping your family to get away from this grinding issue. Keep banging on authorities’ door. In the end, hopefully, an opportunity will arise, a small chunk of hope, and you can push it open to your advantage.
Goid luck with everything you face. Keep us all posted and leave no stone unturned to bring you the peace we all deserve in our own homes.

Thank you @Warspite right now my floors are shaking with all the banging next door, shocking to think that others see this as normal living noise. I can only assume those that do are part of the problem in society these days.

You've said you don't want to invite family/friends round because of the noise, but are there any you could invite who might then go and have a word with the neighbours on your behalf? Someone who'll stand their ground with them and make it clear its not just you being over-sensitive?

This is good advice from Romeiswheretheheartis

Make yourself a bigger presence in your neighbourhood. Garner friendships with neighbours. A mouse never wins, so make yourself a bear! Roar like a tiger with conviction. Always with dignity. Don’t give them anything to use against you with the HA.