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Original poster

5 year old going to bed until 10pm

28 replies

namechange485732 · 28/12/2022 21:49

DD has never been a 'good sleeper' or close to what was described as ideal sleep.
As a newborn I literally don't think I slept for the first 6 months with her. She had dropped all naps by the age of 2.
For a couple of years she would get to sleep relatively ok. Although it slowly started getting later and later. Over the last 3/4 months she can not get to sleep earlier than 10pm. It is driving me mad if I'm honest. As I can't relax until she is asleep (if I don't stay in the room with her she won't go to sleep at all/will just lie there with her eyes open). She is always tired in the morning especially for school.
Even when she first started school I remember other parents talking about how tired their children were and how they are getting to bed for 7. DD still did not sleep. Is anyone else DC of a similar age like this?

I'm genuinely worried she has some form of insomnia.

OP posts:
Changechangychange · 28/12/2022 21:57

You being in the room probably isn’t helping…

DS found audiobooks really helped. Either playing on my phone/a tablet, or a Tonie/Yoto. Fights bedtime massively, asleep in about 10mins once the Tonie starts.

Given the choice he’d be up till 9pm, we try to get the lights off by 8pm on school nights (he wakes up at 8am). 10pm is really too late for any five year old on a school night, she must be exhausted in the mornings. What time does she get up?

Changechangychange · 28/12/2022 22:01

(BBC Sounds has lots of short children’s stories, or I put something on YouTube but with my phone face down so there is no light coming from the screen)

2bazookas · 28/12/2022 22:07

Over the last 3/4 months she can not get to sleep earlier than 10pm. It is driving me mad if I'm honest. As I can't relax until she is asleep (if I don't stay in the room with her she won't go to sleep at all/will just lie there with her eyes open).

You have that back to front. You staying in the room is what's keeping her awake.

Interested in this thread?

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5 year olds Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families
evemillbank · 28/12/2022 22:30

You definitely need to leave the room. I have 5 yr olds. They like to know we are there and it helps them to get to sleep if they can call out to us or ask a quick question. For this reason they still have a baby monitor in the room and we will just reassure them on the intercom (from the comfort of the sofa) that we are there. They go to sleep within 10 minutes.

Original poster
namechange485732 · 28/12/2022 22:47

Thanks everyone I will look at audio books. I can understand people thinking it's because I am in the room. The issue is I have tried on many occasions not being in the room and she still doesn't go to sleep. I once went downstairs and decided not to even check on her. As I was going to bed approx 10.30pm I looked in and got a shock as she was just lay there with her eyes open.
She gets up for school at 7.30am

OP posts:
Sleepyquest · 28/12/2022 22:54

I have the same issue with my 3 year old. Driving me round the bend

MissDollyMix · 28/12/2022 22:59

My eldest was like this and apparently I was like this as a child too so I’m quite sympathetic about it. I’ve been an insomniac all my life and you can’t just force sleep! With my own DC I’ve tried really hard not to stress him about it because getting stressed about not being able to go to sleep is just going to make everything worse. Just practice the best sleep hygiene you can. Strictly reduce screen time at least an hour before bedtime, warm milky drink, lavender diffuser, dark (as possible) room, audio books. If they can’t sleep, they can’t sleep, as long as they’re not dicking about then try not to stress.

Boggydog · 28/12/2022 23:02

My 5 year old dd is sometimes like this too but it does go in phases. She is usually asleep by 8.30-9 but has never been to bed at 7 like everyone else. We also stay with her as she will categorically not go to sleep without an adult there. She is quite nervous and covid has affected her too so it’s fine. Fresh air and running around help her get a better sleep but otherwise you just have to try your best which I’m sure you are!

Changechangychange · 28/12/2022 23:05

Oh, and while I agree you want to block out light from outside (particularly in summer when it is still light at 9pm), DS really needs a nightlight - again, he doesn’t really relax if it is pitch dark as he is anxious and keeps calling out to get us to come back upstairs for silly reasons. Way better with a little nightlight so he can see the room.

Sometimeswinning · 28/12/2022 23:10

Is she getting up OK in the morning? If she is then I'd leave her to it. Can 5 year olds have Epsom salts? I know they can have magnesium in vitamin form. Maybe she has trouble switching off?

Strokethefurrywall · 28/12/2022 23:39

Magnesium citrate and 1/4 mg of melatonin might help. Also a weighted blanket.

Not sure melatonin is sold OTC in Uk though? My eldest (11 now) has a quarter each evening as he doesn't go into a deep sleep so, despite 12 hours sleep, he's exhausted because his rest isn't restorative.
The first night he took it, he woke the next morning a completely different (happy) child.

CowsInFields · 28/12/2022 23:42

@namechange485732 sounds like both of my kids. One is 11 and other 7, they've always been night owls, and I've tried a multitude of things to help. Unfortunately I have accepted the fact that they'll never get to sleep any earlier (can get frustrating when we are hitting 11.30/12 at night).

Citycentre3 · 28/12/2022 23:48

I don't think 7pm is a realistic bedtime for a 5 year old. My 5 year old has a window of 8.30pm-9pm. I have never had any sleep issues with her.

I make the bedtime routine fun and enjoyable and she loves the build up to bedtime. It is important you keep the routine the same every night.

LovePoppy · 28/12/2022 23:54

Citycentre3 · 28/12/2022 23:48

I don't think 7pm is a realistic bedtime for a 5 year old. My 5 year old has a window of 8.30pm-9pm. I have never had any sleep issues with her.

I make the bedtime routine fun and enjoyable and she loves the build up to bedtime. It is important you keep the routine the same every night.

My kids (almost 7 almost 9) both start bed at 7 and are out by 745.

7 is not unreasonable for some - I’m an adult and am asleep by 10 most nights

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 28/12/2022 23:57

What is the bedtime routine?

For my DD we have followed the same routine for a few years and just shift the time every now and then to get a bit later as she ages.

So we go up to her room

  • 15 minutes of quiet play - Lego, teddies, Playmobil
  • Teeth, wash, pjs
  • 10 minutes of reading to her or her to us
  • kisses and cuddles, lights out

If she ever comes out with the 'I can't sleep, I'm thirsty, I'm hungry.......' she's taken back to bed, no talking, just a goodnight kiss. Repeat till she's asleep. Generally she doesn't come out and bedtime is just the standard outlined above.

We instituted the routine when she was about 3 and a half and we'd gotten into the bad habit of sitting by her bed for bloody hours trying to get her to sleep before trying to sneak out of her room without waking her up. It was driving us mad and needed fixing so we put in the routine, dealt with the few days of her testing it by getting up every few minutes, until she realised that we weren't going to break and started going straight to sleep.

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2022 00:08

Any chance something or someone in the home is scaring her?

Might be that she's just a nighttime person. Start waking her up earlier and earlier should make her sleep earlier and earlier.

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2022 00:11

Also, could she be scared of school the next day?

I remember sleeping later and later because nighttime was the only time I felt I had freedom. My days in school were miserable.
Maybe she's too young to feel like that but I think I felt that way by around 7 so...its possible.

Changechangychange · 29/12/2022 00:23

Citycentre3 · 28/12/2022 23:48

I don't think 7pm is a realistic bedtime for a 5 year old. My 5 year old has a window of 8.30pm-9pm. I have never had any sleep issues with her.

I make the bedtime routine fun and enjoyable and she loves the build up to bedtime. It is important you keep the routine the same every night.

Depends on what time they get up?

DS gets up at 8am, so 8pm bedtime is absolutely fine for him. If he was getting up at 6am, as some families do, it would be far too late.

I assume those families must have a very early tea, and do no afterschool activities - would be very hard to get DS into bed by 7pm because he is often not home until 6:30pm (swimming lessons, football club, etc). If he had to be up at the crack of dawn and needed an earlier bedtime, we would do all those things at the weekend, have tea at 5pm, bath at 6pm, and get him straight into bed.

And yep DS loves his bedtime routine - a bit too much, and always wants one last story, one last re-arrangement of his teddies, one last question about random topics, one last kiss, one last delaying tactic after another.

MamaFirst · 29/12/2022 00:25

How about white noise or soothing music?

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 29/12/2022 00:28

Some kids just need less sleep. How is she in the morning and during the day? You can try melatonin to see if it helps thing.

If she's otherwise fine,active,doing well in school,not tired etc then let her be. She's quiet and in bed you don't have to be there to watch her do that as it doesn't have any effect anyways.

One of my friend's children is like that and will just be quietly awake until stupid oclock.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/12/2022 08:21

If your child is tired in the morning there’s an issue.
wake her up one morning at 7, and put in bed at 8- then wake at 6.30 and bed at 7. Just put in her room with lights off and walk away.

MorrisZapp · 29/12/2022 08:26

My DS is 12 and he never outgrew this. We have all effectively gone to bed at the same time since he was a toddler. He never needed an early bedtime and the endless tears and fights weren't worth it.

He never once fell asleep without one of us in the room. Our attempts to break the cycle were so ghastly and draining we gave up. I'd give anything to have those nights back but obviously as an only child we had that luxury. I've no idea how you'd do it if you had other kids.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 29/12/2022 08:48

Look up the back to bed technique on utube by the 3 day nanny. You have to be strong but if you follow it it will work. Also wake up at 7 and start the day make the day as physical as you can do bedtime will be easier to crack. Bed at 7

Original poster
namechange485732 · 29/12/2022 21:50

Thanks everyone again. We do have a nice calm bedtime routine starting at 7.15 she loves a lavender bubble bath, then it's PJs and bedtime stories then in bed by 8. I do also use white noise which I'm not sure if helps or not anymore it definitely use to.

One thing she said tonight (she isn't asleep yet it's DH turn tonight) is she can't wait for it to be morning and that she hopes she doesn't have a bad dream. She does occasionally mention bad dreams and I'm wondering if she is having them/they are scaring her and it's stopping her wanting to sleep.

She does literally just lie there and doesn't mess around. I do wonder like some if she doesn't need to sleep yet. She is tired in the morning when getting up but seems fine during the day and school have never mentioned anything.

OP posts:
SheWoreYellow · 29/12/2022 21:52

I presume she knows to close her eyes to try and sleep?!