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Original poster

Supermums- give me your hints and tips please?

43 replies

Piplette · 28/12/2022 20:56

You know those mums who hold down a full time job, eat well, exercise regularly, keep a tidy house and still find quality time to spend with their kids? How do they do it?

I feel like I'm doing everything poorly - half arsing work because my brain is also occupied by the kids busy schedule or thinking about my list of house chores, or the shopping list.

House is clean but never tidy and many rooms look tired and need decorating to repair the damaged caused by 2 kids and a large dog.

I'm overweight, rarely find time to cook as I'm too tired, try to exercise but can't get consistency.

So what's the secret? Do I just need to forgoe sleep and get on with it or are there some other changes I can make to make a positive change?

I'd love to not feel constantly knackered and spend more quality time with the kids rather than sitting them in front of the TV while dh and I cook /clean etc.

OP posts:
Luana1 · 28/12/2022 20:57

Get a cleaner and a few freezer meals from Cook. Life's too short to run yourself ragged trying for perfection.

upfucked · 28/12/2022 20:59

This isn’t me. But the parents who I know who fit this category all have a lot of support from grandparents. You need to out source to either family, services like childcare, cleaners, posh ready meals.

You can have everything but you can’t do everything unless you want to stop sleeping.

Notjusta · 28/12/2022 21:02

This isn't me either but agree with PP that you need to pay for help where you can. And where you can't, demand time for yourself and/or an equal split of family responsibilities/jobs with your OH.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Twizbe · 28/12/2022 21:03

They either outsource loads or have a stay at home partner.

Cuppasoupmonster · 28/12/2022 21:04

Following…

ILovePigsInBlankets · 28/12/2022 21:06

I'm defo not a super mum but what helps me is:

Having a partner who pulls his weight with stuff like looking after the kids, tidying, food shopping etc
Working part time
Having a cleaner
Having older kids who don't need my constant supervision or attention- I did not have a moment to myself when they were younger.
Taking short cuts and the easy option sometimes- like not pressuring myself to have a fresh home cooked meal every night, sometimes an orange tea like fish fingers and chips is fine!

ineedastrongercoffee · 28/12/2022 21:06

My sister in law works 1 day a week, but for many years she didn’t work at all. Two children at secondry school.

She is perfect in every way (that’s not a criticism, I love her deeply) her house is immaculate, she is always dressed so well even when in casual clothes. It totally comes natural to her, it’s in her DNA. She has an eye for everything.

I do not have the same eye, I have nearly 4 year old twins, my house is clean but like yours not tidy. Everything is a struggle. My DC are now at nursery 4 days and I work 2 days. I thought I’d get my shit together once I had time, but nope it’s still chaos.

so what I’m trying to say is that sometimes it’s just who we are. I’ve beaten myself up for years and years for not being better dressed, thinner, have a better house etc. but I’ve realised I can only be me. And being me will have to be good enough

LapinR0se · 28/12/2022 21:09

I have wrap-around childcare and a cleaner and I still feel like I’m half-arsing everything…

SchrodingersKettle · 28/12/2022 21:11

Don’t spend time on MN …

Senseofsomething · 28/12/2022 21:18

I’m annoying like that. Although I work part time not full time. I have neither partner or family nearby. I think it’s keeping life as simple as possible. Small house, low maintenance garden, one child, general tendency to be organised and neat.

Maybe it’s part time work rather than full time that makes a massive difference.

Also, my ex has our child EOW so I get valuable time for exercise and generally sorting my life once a fortnight.

Pourmeanotherwine · 28/12/2022 21:22

Don't try and be a supermum, you'lll end up exhausted.
Be kind to yourself, and lower your expectations a little.
Only you can work out what you are prepared to compromise.
I went part time at work when the kids were tiny then gradually increased my hours. I was lucky that this was an option for me. If it hadn't been, I would have got a cleaner to help with the workload.
I chose to prioritise having fun with the kids over having a perfect house, and accepted a bit of mess/clutter here and there.

SoShallINever · 28/12/2022 21:24

Look, are you happy?
If so sod everything else.
It isn't worth sacrificing your mental wellbeing chasing impossible standards.
Prioritise your health and having fun.

rebekahnorris · 28/12/2022 21:25

Someone once said to me. You can have it all, but not at the same time...

DorritLittle · 28/12/2022 21:28

Piplette · 28/12/2022 20:56

You know those mums who hold down a full time job, eat well, exercise regularly, keep a tidy house and still find quality time to spend with their kids? How do they do it?

I feel like I'm doing everything poorly - half arsing work because my brain is also occupied by the kids busy schedule or thinking about my list of house chores, or the shopping list.

House is clean but never tidy and many rooms look tired and need decorating to repair the damaged caused by 2 kids and a large dog.

I'm overweight, rarely find time to cook as I'm too tired, try to exercise but can't get consistency.

So what's the secret? Do I just need to forgoe sleep and get on with it or are there some other changes I can make to make a positive change?

I'd love to not feel constantly knackered and spend more quality time with the kids rather than sitting them in front of the TV while dh and I cook /clean etc.

I feel similar OP. I don't even want to be a supermum, just a basically OK mum would be better!

wonderingpondering1 · 28/12/2022 21:29

I’m NOT a super mum but what helps me is - I WFH so don’t have the commute (realise this isn’t possible in all careers), helpful DH who does cooking and laundry etc, don’t have grandparents near but can afford good reliable childcare/after school clubs. It’s still a massive slog thought when they are small and feels like being on a treadmill at lot of the time - we don’t really have any social life

ehb102 · 28/12/2022 22:16

Nobody has everything all at once. Enjoy what you have and understand that what you don't yet have will come at a price of time and money. If you really want it, you'll pay the price. If you don't want it that much, you'll feel better knowing that you chose what you do have.

YukoandHiro · 29/12/2022 06:53

My friend who appears like this has both a pre and after school nanny and a housekeeper who comes three times a week.

We can't afford any of that so just like you our house is a mess (at the moment not always even clean as we don't have a cleaner) and I never do any exercise

Skethylita · 29/12/2022 09:43

I'm one of your supermums.

I'm a single mum of two, one infant school and one teen. I hold down a full-time job (recently promoted to senior staff), have a reasonably clean and tidy house, have my finances in order, a good relationship with my kids and I look after myself. No household help - not on a single mum salary - and no family as I have moved to Britain from abroad.

For me, it's all about habits and routines. If you sweat the small stuff early on, you hardly ever have to deal with larger issues, which in turn means you have more time for all your other jobs.

It's 9.30am and I have so far completed another work project, put a load of washing on and hung it out, done my washing up, sorted out my pets and I have a full day planned ahead of me to deal with the after-Christmas tidy-up. I tidy as I go along.

My kids have been raised to help. Small things like tidying up dishes after a meal or putting away their washing at first, now the eldest helps bathe the younger every evening while I wash up, vacuums the upstairs areas while I tidy downstairs etc. No need to be a martyr and do it all yourself.

As for hobbies and relationships, I have common interests with both kids (they were exposed to a number of my hobbies early on and have developed an interest, separately, in a few of them) so that makes hobbies and relationships easier.

My weight is kept in check by being active, both inside and outside the house. I do cook from scratch almost daily, so that helps.

Feel free to ask, for me it's been like this out of necessity.

Cuppasoupmonster · 29/12/2022 09:46

@Skethylita can I be cheeky and ask for a quick timetable of what your day looks like? I’m losing time but not sure where…

SnitterBug · 29/12/2022 09:55

upfucked · 28/12/2022 20:59

This isn’t me. But the parents who I know who fit this category all have a lot of support from grandparents. You need to out source to either family, services like childcare, cleaners, posh ready meals.

You can have everything but you can’t do everything unless you want to stop sleeping.

This . One woman I knew held down a full time job with 2 kids . Turns out her mother used to clean the house , do the laundry , prepare a meal every night and pick up the kids from school and take them to school after giving them breakfast!

TheBirdintheCave · 29/12/2022 09:55

I'm not a perfect mum by any means but I can do all of the things you mentioned because I have a husband who helps me. We share all the cleaning and tidying around our full time jobs. I go to an exercise class on Thursday evening while he puts our son to bed and he goes to the gym on Friday when it's my turn for bedtime.

I will say it does help that we're minimalists and can't abide clutter. It's very easy to put our sons toys away in the ottoman at night and it's easy to clean the house as the surfaces aren't covered in things.

TheOrigRights · 29/12/2022 10:02

I am NOT a super mum, just a normal one. Maybe I don't count because my youngest is 13 so not so demanding of my time. Actually I don't do well in the school holidays when I'm working.

I have WFH full time for 7 years. Saves loads of time on commuting, gives me flexibility (I am senior professional so the flexibility comes with that, not me taking the piss!) so I can do bits and bobs of non work things in the day.
I love my sport so I don't regard that as an achievement to be proud of - more the opposite, I will prioritise that over spending time with DS.
I am a lone parent.
We eat well, but again that's not an achievement, it's just normal.
Small house is kept clean and tidy. I do pay for major DIY and decorating.
DS2 increasingly prefers to spend time with his friends, but we have football season tickets so go to matches as often as we can (pretty much all home ones, and away ones during school holidays). Those are very good days, spent chatting in the car, the passion of the match, then a bite to eat on the way home).
I can leave him home alone in the evenings now so I am able to go out to my running club or with friends. This is a BIG change in the last year or so. So I haven't become super, my son just got older!

bibbif · 29/12/2022 10:05

I actually don't know anyone who does fit this. The ones that do don't work or work p/t, have help & have partners who aren't particularly interested in exercise or going out so the mum can go to the gym daily.

TheOrigRights · 29/12/2022 10:06

I have never had any family support - my parents dead, ex's parents unwell, my family too far away and raising their own families.
I also don't have a cleaner.

Farawayfromhere · 29/12/2022 10:12

The ones I know who do this usually have some or all of these:
a well paid job
a nanny
a cleaner
family who live close by or come and stay
outsource many of the usual tasks that women often end up doing.

In terms of healthy lifestyle I think that is really just priorities, and being really organised with what you buy and what you have for each meal.

Exercise: running is the quickest & cheapest way to get some good exercise.

Don’t put pressure to be a super mum.

Just try and prioritise which of the things you care about most and accept that the other things are unlikely to happen.