Supermums- give me your hints and tips please?

[Piplette]

You know those mums who hold down a full time job, eat well, exercise regularly, keep a tidy house and still find quality time to spend with their kids? How do they do it?

I feel like I'm doing everything poorly - half arsing work because my brain is also occupied by the kids busy schedule or thinking about my list of house chores, or the shopping list.

House is clean but never tidy and many rooms look tired and need decorating to repair the damaged caused by 2 kids and a large dog.

I'm overweight, rarely find time to cook as I'm too tired, try to exercise but can't get consistency.

So what's the secret? Do I just need to forgoe sleep and get on with it or are there some other changes I can make to make a positive change?

I'd love to not feel constantly knackered and spend more quality time with the kids rather than sitting them in front of the TV while dh and I cook /clean etc.

How old are your kids?

Looking at the list of issues, exercising as a family could solve a few in one hit:

• quality time together
• losing weight
• more energy

And I find that exercising lifts my mood / motivation so more inclined to do a bit of tidying / housework / cook a healthy meal that day.

Can you eg book a badminton / tennis court once a week? Swimming? Bike rides??

My friend has always worked full time (including a fair amount of evenings and a bit of travel) has three kids and helped out when her mum developed dementia. She works out every day. All her kids had IEPs too.
This is how she did it:
She had a live in nanny until the youngest was at school, then managed to get the woman a job at the school so she was still able to do wrap around care.
She is very organised and disciplined. If she had to get up at 5am to get her exercise done that's what she did.
Her husband is meticulously tidy, hands on with the kids (she still did all the life admin, though they did the finance bit together).
She also cooked all meals when in and had proper sit down dinners with the kids.
She had a very 'can do' attitude. I met her at work, and she never moaned and her answer when asked to do a task that would require extra work or travel or faced with a difficult issue always tackled it head on.
A huge benefit was the nanny, who basically toilet trained and taught them things like using knife and fork and so on. No way could she have had her career without this. She and her husband earned well but were not on the level one thinks of. She was meticulous in her financial planning too.
But first and foremost she didn't have a personality transplant when she became a mother - she was always organised, ambitious and disciplined, and her husband is similar. They make a good team. Plus her kids inherited many of these traits.

I think one the main things is you do things when you’re tired. You exercise when you’d rather not, you clean when you’d rather sit down and rest, you cook healthy food when you’d rather get a takeaway. Stuff gets done and you feel better for it, your motivation increases and it becomes an ingrained habit. Your tolerance for doing thing when you’re tired and don’t want to increases.

I’m not one of those super mums you describe, I work part time and the house is mostly clean and tidy. I get stressed and fee burnt out at times but we keep to basic standards. I take time to eat well as I feel awful when carrying extra weight and it affects my motivation for everything. I swim before work and ensure we always walk the mile to school rather than driving. I don’t enjoy this but it makes all the difference to fitness levels.

Good luck for 2023. It all feels easier (for me anyway) when this crappy weather improves.

@mondaytosunday didn't she struggle to fit in time with her dc though, particularly during the week?

Like pps, most people I know who "have it all" don't really. They work part-time to get more quality time with the children and maintain the house. Or they work full-time but employ cleaners and gardeners. Etc.

Re tidying, it's a bit of a cliche but I really do find never leaving a room / going upstairs empty handed does make a difference. Also getting rid of stuff you don't need. You don't need 20 blunt kitchen knives or 50 mugs.

Exercise, for me, has to either be functional (ie cycle to work) or something I love for its own sake. I have no desire to jog or visit a gym. I do love swimming.

we got an instant pot a few months ago and that was a bit of a game changer. put ingredients for a one pot style meal in the morning, have that evening then maybe next day lunch or tea and then freeze the rest in single portions.

we pay a retired neighbour to make us batch cooked meals every 4-6 weeks which we freeze in single portions.

we store stuff together by usage in boxes. eg in the kitchen we have two boxes, one for each child, for all their random stuff Inc outdoor stuff, shoes, etc. and that's where their changing bags/nursery bags are stored.

I like organising stuff into boxes, so it can just be chucked in and everything is kept together and tidy, even if it's not tidy within the box.

We have two DC, almost 3, and 6m. I'm currently on mat leave but usually work 3 days a week. DH is a teacher working 6-7 day weeks during term time. I also have 8 guinea pigs 🙈

but disclaimer, I'm not supermum and the house is often a tip, always untidy, but relatively clean.

Sure, I hope it helps - I know my day isn't for everyone.

A typical work day looks like this:

4am wake up - have a drink, work and paperwork until 6am.

6am - get youngest up and make him breakfast - he eats while I prepare school lunches for him and me (oldest does her own). I then shower while he gets dressed. Oldest gets up, dressed and ready between 6.30 and 7.30am.

7am drive to childminder's, then work until 4.30-5pm.

Get home, sort out new post/ have a quick clear 5.30-6pm. This is screen time for youngest.

6pm - I then cook something I can mostly ignore - pasta and sauce is a good one, something slow cooked or something that will take little prep like a pasta bake with veg. If not, we often either cook together or if I can ignore food for a while while it's cooking I spend some time with the kids. Teen will often join in and rabbit on about the latest drama in school.

7-7.30pm we eat, then oldest will run a bath for youngest and I wash up and give the kitchen/ living room a quick tidy.

8pm We read a bedtime story and have a cuddle, then I spend the rest of the evening with my teen - we either watch something together or do some art work (separately, but in the same room). She goes to bed at 9.30, I go to bed at 10pm, which leaves me 30min or so for anything I need to/ want to do.

Weekends and holidays are when most of the family stuff happens.

I also fit exercise in with the kids. eg go to a park with outdoor gym equipment or eldest will chase me on his bike while I jog around the park / follow the leader. or I do 10 mins exercise inside while they play. just star jumps, jog on the spot, squats etc. i try to get 10 min active minutes on my garmin as many days as I can. I fit in exercise by not making it a separate thing, so I just do it but don't change or shower after. I dont get sweaty in just 10 minutes but it seems to make enough difference to help staying fit.

haven't really done any of this since October as constant illness to deal with!

I should add, I teach - so my days are insanely long with work during term-time, but I do have the holidays and weekends to compensate.

4am wake up

😱😱😱😱

4am is the perfect time for me - I am in a routine now where I often wake before my alarm. It means I get quiet time while the kids are asleep and I actually have the energy to work fast and efficiently - something I couldn't do after 9.30pm.

Never sit down to take a break, keep moving. The moment you switch off to have a break, you're screwed

@Skethylita I acknowledge you have said your life style isn't for everyone, but really....6hrs sleep with a 4am start doesn't strike me as a life to strive for or that others will look at and think "wow, she's got it sorted".
Also, when do you housework?

I feel like I'm doing everything poorly

Well you will do if regard others as 'super mums'

Stop trying to live up to an ideal and focus on accepting yourself and doing what you can not what you think you should.

I took the OP as a mere "how do you do it all" and that's what I do. It's not for everyone and it's very busy during term-time on weekdays and Saturdays.

What housework, specifically?

Hoovering gets done as and when it's needed every 1-3 days - both kids can do it, too, and are happy to help or I do it just before or just after work in the areas that are needed, which takes less than 2min. Dusting when I see it, less than 3-4min for a room.

Washing is done at weekends - I fit in 3-5 machines, depending on weather and on what's needed. Kids help sort the piles.

The kitchen - washing up and surfaces - get done daily, as explained above.

The toilet and bathroom - I have cleaning materials directly in my bathroom and do it while I am busy with something else, e.g. I put cleaner down the loo, brush my teeth and then give it a quick scrub and flush - takes no time. Neither does a quick surface wipedown of the sink and the tub gets done similar to the loo - I scrub it with bleach, ignore it while I do something else and then rinse it. 5min max.

I garden in the spring and summer while the kids are playing outside.

Stuff that is broken gets chucked, stuff that is too small for the kids goes into a charity bag, which we take with us on our weekly library trip.

As I said, I sweat the small stuff. I don't need cleaning or tidying days or anything like that, because I keep the house clean as I go.

I'd also add that I need around 6h/night sleep to be fully recharged and yes, I am lucky in that regard. Some people need 4 (wasn't Thatcher famous for that?), some need 8, I am a happy middle.

And, perhaps, if my job wasn't so demanding during term-time I would be able to work fewer hours and have more me-time, but, sadly, teaching brings around 60-65 hours with it during teaching weeks.

So I read during the holidays and do most of my hobby stuff there.

OP, I'd also add a physical family calendar. Everything is written into ours - birthdays, events, socials, appointments, important bill dates (e.g. car tax) - I have everything in eyesight right above my desk as a constant reminder of when something is due and it makes a big difference when things need organising in advance. The teen also happily adds her own engagements to it, so I know e.g. when she is out visiting friends or when friends are due to come over here.

Thanks so much for all the suggestions!

@Skethylita I think a 4am alarm would kill me - I have a cousin who only needs 4/5 hours and has a similar routine as you although will be up until 11/12pm.

Some tips I'll be looking to incorporate -

• Do thinks even when I feel I'm too tired.
• Force myself to get up early to exercise.

-Meal plan and batch cook (and start using the slow cooker that is gathering dust) -Plan exercise I can do with the kids. -Cut myself some slack!

Honestly it’s not usually a case of anybody being ‘better’ than someone else.

i have 2 kids both in primary school now and only work 1 or 2 short shifts a week. So I keep on top of a nice, tidy house, home-cooked meals, time for myself etc

a few years ago when I had a toddler, a baby and worked more shifts it was a completely different story!