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Original poster

Anyone else not get a christmas present?

28 replies

Junestepe · 28/12/2022 19:52

Feeling sorry for myself, purchased all food all santa presents for 2 DC (8 and 4) and a present for DH. Cooked xmas dinner for everyone including DHs family, cleaned house multiple times. And nothing, not a single present. DH does not work so can't afford it. I know Xmas is for little ones and it may be self centered to feel sorry for myself, but still would have been nice to get something. Anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 28/12/2022 19:55

What? Did his family not even get you a present?

Also, how long has your husband not been working for and how much effort is he making to get a job?

I mean, even if he has no money he could at least give you a massage/cook the dinner etc.

MrsMorton · 28/12/2022 19:59

Hey OP, yeah. Drove 1200 mile round trip to get my dad. He got other people presents but forgot me. £300 of diesel, Xmas lunch, drinks, pub... dropped him back home... "thanks for that".

Brother working (voluntarily) overseas managed to zoom for 8 min on Xmas day but got a gift posted to him.

SurpriseSparDay · 28/12/2022 20:01

Well, no - Christmas is for everybody.

How have you managed to construct a life surrounded by family, where no one thinks of you? Because it is something you’ve allowed to happen.

How can you be hosting in-laws who don’t bring you a gift?

How is it that your non-working husband had not even enough from whatever income you all live on to buy you even a Chocolate Orange? There clearly was money available for other Christmas preparation.

And at 8 & 4 years old each of my parents took us out to buy gifts for the other parent.

You haven’t given reasons why things are as they are. What’s the reason why you could not insist things are done differently? It’s a bit late to be wringing your hands now …

(I do of course feel sad for you …)

Interested in this thread?

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Christmas Events & celebrations General shopping
Original poster
Junestepe · 28/12/2022 20:02

Well his mum gave me money which I let him keep as he's broke. Embrassing to write that... I earn a healthy amount so he's prioritising looking after dc . Needless to say it's the subject of ongoing tension in our house.

OP posts:
CharlotteStreetW1 · 28/12/2022 20:03

That's shit OP.

On a slightly different note, we hosted MIL who normally gives us cash or a cheque and a contribution towards Christmas lunch. This year? Nada. She's 91 so maybe she forgot? Or maybe she just thought fuck it.

Gemmanorthdevon · 28/12/2022 20:10

Presents don't have to cost - He can give you a day off for Christmas 😊 Ask for it, take it, and do a day of self care.
You will feel tons better. Meanwhile maybe say something? If nobody knows it bothers you it will continue. Let Hubby know it made you sad, and that gifts can cost little more than thought. And he may take it on board for next year 🤞

SurpriseSparDay · 28/12/2022 20:11

Where is the tension in saying, calmly, on 25th November - “Please make sure you take the children with you when you buy my Christmas present - it’s important they see us both modelling appropriate ways to show love and respect within the family. Will you help them to find something decent for me. Oh, and if your parents aren’t sure what I’d like I’ll give you a list for them.”

These are not unreasonable requests. I’m amazed you’re accepting any less.

mondaytosunday · 28/12/2022 20:16

My son (19) got me one and my daughter (17) after prompting (she has savings but doesn't go to shops). I don't get anything from anyone else.
I'm a widow and a what I do is buy myself a present! This time I commissioned a bespoke bedside rug.

TrentCrimm · 28/12/2022 20:18

Junestepe · 28/12/2022 20:02

Well his mum gave me money which I let him keep as he's broke. Embrassing to write that... I earn a healthy amount so he's prioritising looking after dc . Needless to say it's the subject of ongoing tension in our house.

So you did get a present off her then?

Or was it a general contribution to the Xmas costs?

Grabbing2023ByTheBalls · 28/12/2022 20:20

I earn a healthy amount so he's prioritising looking after dc

That's great, if you're on board with that. Do you give him his own money? And he's broke because he's spent it all without getting you a gift?

I'm a SAHP right now, but have the same spending money as DH once all the outgoings are covered.

RedPost · 28/12/2022 20:22

If he's a SAHD and you have a good income, shouldn't you be arranging for him to have some money?

Imagine if a wife was penniless in his position?

Original poster
Junestepe · 28/12/2022 20:28

@RedPost you have a point. I would prefer if he worked but he's not... I fear he's hiding behind the dc. Probably isn't fair when one partner opts out and leaves the financial burden to one person.

OP posts:
Freeekedout · 28/12/2022 20:33

I feel for you OP. Similar situation here.

I've done all the thinking, present buying and food shopping. DH asked what I wanted and, as we're moving house soon (hopefully!), I said there's no specific item I wanted. In the few days before Christmas be one there was a gift bag with some presents in for him under the tree, but couldn't be bothered to get himself or if the house to buy smellies, chocolates, slippers or any other generic gift that would've just been a small token. He didn't take DC (12 and 9) to the shops either, so I received absolutely nothing on the day from my immediate family. I gave him a small bracelet that I bought myself (costing all of £3.50 in a sale and it caught my eye) but he didn't even wrap it up or give that to me. I know there are families who are struggling who can't afford presents, but we're fortunate that we are in a good financial position. I didn't say anything on Christmas day, but I did have words on Boxing day. However, it would seem that I'm in the wrong and we're still not speaking to one another. I've told him how hurt I am, but he's 'ill' and spent most of yesterday in bed. I took DC to my DSis’s house today and left him at home. I’m really starting to think about my options going forward - I deserve better than this.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 28/12/2022 20:34

Do you work FT and he does childcare? If so why isn't your money family money? Why is he skint?

Freeekedout · 28/12/2022 20:35

Sorry, should have looked at the preview before I posted!

**In the few days before Christmas he knew there was a gift bag with some presents in for him under the tree

**couldn't be bothered to get himself out of the house

SurpriseSparDay · 28/12/2022 20:46

So you did get a present from your MIL?

And you had no presents from your partner and children because …? Even though …?

I’m Xmas Confused …

5moments · 28/12/2022 20:58

Why does he have no money? Does he not have access to the same money as you?

Y7drama · 28/12/2022 21:00

5moments · 28/12/2022 20:58

Why does he have no money? Does he not have access to the same money as you?

Yes this, do you have the same money available but he spent his?

BowlOfNoodles · 26/12/2023 20:04

As the host you shouid of received gifts 🎁

BowlOfNoodles · 26/12/2023 20:06

Ah I see you did get a gift 🎁 money

Mumof118 · 26/12/2023 20:35

I didn’t

Jewel52 · 27/12/2023 00:43

CharlotteStreetW1 · 28/12/2022 20:03

That's shit OP.

On a slightly different note, we hosted MIL who normally gives us cash or a cheque and a contribution towards Christmas lunch. This year? Nada. She's 91 so maybe she forgot? Or maybe she just thought fuck it.

Wow, you expect your elderly MIL to contribute to your Christmas lunch?? She must eat copiously or you’re just mean. She’s your family, she’s 91 and entitled to a spot at your table. May you receive the same treatment you have dished out when you are 91 years old

AmazingDayz · 27/12/2023 01:05

So you did get a gift? Your own fault for giving it to him

Islandermummy · 27/12/2023 01:11

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 28/12/2022 20:34

Do you work FT and he does childcare? If so why isn't your money family money? Why is he skint?

I wondered this... If he's a sahp he should have some spendies

I wouldn't be very happy in this scenario. But is there a chance he didn't feel confident spending money without your say-so? If he's got none of his own money at all, would you have been fine with him spending "your" money on a present for you?

Chichimcgee · 27/12/2023 01:17

Mil gave YOU money and you let HIM keep it? What?

he could cook dinner, give you a massage, light some candles and put on your favourite film. He could have helped the children draw pictures for you.