Long story somewhat short. My Mum is a functioning alcoholic. Our childhood was hideous. Both my parents were heavy drinkers when I was small. My Dad went t total what I was about 11. Mum continued to drink. And despite being much better now, can still be vile when she's had a few. I'm one of 4 sisters. Life was fraught when going up. I took a lot of responsibility growing up shielding my little sister from it. Trying to resolve arguments. Coming between them in physical fights, baring the brunt of my mother's alcoholic rage when my dad worked away. Caring for my little sis and often my Mum when too pissed to function. My older sisters had left home at this time, but tried their best from afar.
After a few years of limited contact after I left home. I have built a reasonably good relationship with my parents. I suppose in my head i see the parents of my youth as different people to those I know now. It helps me accept things better. they have been incredibly supportive since my marriage fell apart.
We have had several years of rubbish Christmas, like most. 2019 my marriage was on the rocks and it unravelled over the Christmas period. 2020 obviously covid. 2021 we all came together again, but ended up giving each other covid. So we were all looking forward to this year. My daughter was with me, as me and her dad alternate Christmas.
So we meet up. They are both clearly in a foul mood. I can tell my mum is in that mood. 13 of us head to the pub, have a few drinks. Lots of tense comments, my dad makes comments about me and my sister pouring alcohol down my mums throat (not true I didn't buy her a single drink). They are both terrible company, they complain about the noise the kids are making, and shout at them constantly.
We go home, everyone is feeling fraught. I overhear my Dad making a comment about Mum topping up her booze levels. And I lost my temper. I called him out on his mood, about him holding me and my sister responsibility for my mother's actions. I quiz him about what the problem was and why there was so much issue with the kids being excited at Christmas. I beg him to stop and to try and let everyone enjoy the period. Probably not the best delivery, but things that needed to be said. I told him I ended my marriage to avoid this sort of environment, and I wouldn't tolerate it for my daughter.
My other sisters sat down with them both and tried to talk things through with the pair of them. But like all other conversations like this over the years, it is clear there issues are deep seated and unlikely to be addressed. We quietly mutually agreed to put it aside and enjoy Christmas Day. But much was said that wasn't properly resolved. And decades of hurt are still sitting in the corner.
To be honest I don't know where to go from here. in the past I would have pretended nothing had happened and got on with life. But I jyst don't know if I can do that. They have caused me immense pain over the years and I'm frustrated that the cycle of confrontation and then ignoring will continue. But I don't see any scope for anything else. The minute others confront them about their behaviour, they will come together and blame everyone around them, rather than face up to the myriad of issues. I an however fed up of turning a blind eye to their toxic behaviour. I spent too many years feeling responsibility for my Mums behaviour, and I'm so angry that my dad feels the need to continue to blame us rather than actually confront the real issue. Particularly as he is often more than happy to enable her to allow himself a quiet life.
How do i proceed? Be gentle, I'm feeling fragile.