Feel like my toddler is more difficult than others?

[Cinnabomb]

My DD 2.3yrs seems to be a lot worse / more difficult than other toddlers her age. I’m exposed to quite a few different families and see her interact most days and she just seems far more hard work than the average 2 year old. By that I mean vastly more energy, is non stop, needs to be watched constantly or she will do something she’s not supposed to, would run off given any chance etc.

to try and be more specific - she would leave a play park etc if a gate was left open and be off exploring without even a look back, others seem to want to keep their parent in sight. Always needs reins on elsewhere or she’d run off.
cant leave her in front of the tv whilst I’m upstairs, she would be climbing on the kitchen cupboards etc or she can open the doors outside or creating some other havoc (my friends say they can shower etc whilst toddler watches tv)
generally very ‘explosive’ and has regular meltdowns over everything, every day multiple issues caused by nothing. She just seems to object/ be contrary for every little thing despite routine and consistency, it doesn’t actually matter what the issue is- she just tries to battle over anything (I stay calm and largely ignore)
very very loud- actually annoyingly so - despite us trying to teach her inside voice, no shouting, having loud time outside where appropriate etc.

im prepared to be told it’s my parenting but I really don’t think it is- I’m a lot more ‘on it’ than most of my friends are - because they don’t seem to need to ! I am firm but fair, very consistent and hold boundaries etc and make sure I follow up actions / consequences if needed. Never give in to tantrums.

Besides I’m not really sure how you would ‘discipline’ out high energy etc. she is taken out every day x 2 to the park and for walks for most the day (out 9.30-12.00, nap 1 hr and out 3-4.30) sleeps very well, eats non processed foods etc. she’s not in nursery currently as we have just moved but previous nursery said she was ‘very strong willed’.

I am also aware lots of these are standard toddler behaviours. But she just seems much more intense than others? She’s been ‘difficult’ since she was born, was high needs baby etc. I’m not worried about ND as she’s an extremely social child, loves other kids.

im struggling. Hoping she will grow out of it!

Yeah my kids are like this. Both NT just very lively and strong willed. School helped a lot with channeling that energy into something productive.

My brother was like this; always stropping in public and wandering away or running off.

He is a responsible husband and father now.

So yes; growing out of it is possible :)

My 2.5 year old dd is the same. My God, that child was sent to try me some days!

My 20 year old was the same as well, he was worse in fact, but now he’s a very responsible police officer.

It’s their personality, not parenting. I have one in the middle who has always been like an angel sent from heaven. We called her the textbook baby. All parented the exact same way by me and dh.

You’ve just described my 25 month old. So strong willed. She will need it though to survive being female in this world.

My DD was like this ..and I felt the same.. friends toddlers all very passive, gentle, would sit and look at books or watch TV..mine was literally a wirling dervish all the time
She also had really advanced motor skills..could ride a bike, swim without armbands etc much earlier than her peers...I wonder now if it was linked ..as she never sat still she learnt these things early?
She's now 25 and a delight and still has bags of energy and drive

Mine is like this. Constant energy, I can never leave them unattended or they are climbing and getting into everything. She's a lot worse when she's bored. I'm hoping school will help

This was my DS. I used to look at other people's well behaved children and despair at my ineptitude to train him properly. 🤣

If it's any consolation, he was a high flier at school, always creative and independent and is now a successful entrepreneur.

Ohhh gosh my two year old is exactly the same, almost word for word except he is a boy!!
I worry too sometimes but sounds like it's pretty normal. The good thing is he sleeps like a log because he burns off so much energy all the time!!

Mine was the same. He’s now very sporty - we’ve encouraged that - and attends lots of school clubs. He’s a lot calmer now(10). I’d say embrace it - it should calm down as he gets older.

My DS is exactly like this. He’s about to turn three and is very slightly more manageable than when he was 2.5 but some days not so much! I’m sure you’re doing a great job at parenting and really think it’s personality rather than the parenting.
My sister has three DD all brought up the same and all completely different in personality.

I think that some people who have a very easy and biddable first child can be a bit judgemental and that used to stress me out a bit but now I try not to care what other people think. I know DS is very much his father’s son with the same personality and he was just the same as a toddler.

I hope your DD grows out of it a little to make days out etc a bit easier for you but if not then at least she has a strong personality and life will never be boring 🤣

Yes @Theredjellybean she’s incredibly physically able which is part of the problem 🤣 she could literally climb 20ft up a tree if I didn’t stop her and she’s on top of full height/ older climbing frames like a flash. Trouble is she can get distracted very easily and then fall off 🤦‍♀️

My 3.5 year old boy is like this he wears me down. I'm sure he's aged me horrifically!

My daughter wasn't like this so was a shock to the system. He is a constant ball of energy, never sits still, always on the go.

He is an absolute delight, but I am very very tired 😂. We are both hoping he chills out a bit when he starts school in September....

DS was like this. Always exploring, climbing - at playgroup he would be trying to escape out the fire exit. Gave up on any of the organised toddler activities like singing or crafts, and took him to parks or outside activities. Very different to DD.

We learnt to adapt. Eating out was too stressful for a few years so we’d pack picnics. We’d make sure he had lots of opportunities to burn off energy.

However we still had consistency and rules - good routines, dinner table rules at home etc, even if he couldn’t always follow it. Lots of positive reinforcement when he did manage to sit nicely.

On the plus side, his energy comes in handy at time! On long walks he’s always charging ahead, he’s not dawdling at the back moaning.

As he has got older he’s learnt to manage his impulses better.

Yes and on the plus side he was a great eater and sleeper! Wore me out in the daytime, but always slept through at night. Whereas my friends would have nicely behaved children who were waking a few times a night or very picky eaters. So I would try to focus on the positives, and manage the negatives as best I could!

My daughter was similar and at 10yo I have finally got her diagnosed with ADHD after a very long battle as I was dismissed by so many health professionals.

I had her sister when she was 2y4m and had to take out both of them every day as she needed the exercise and stimulation. It broke me as we had no family to help.

Please have a read about ADHD in girls and speak to a doctor. My DD is finally able to understand herself so much better now. There are both strengths and challenges that come with it.

Mine is the same. She was walking properly, no staggering or anything by 8 months. I don’t think she’s sat down since!

I have to stop her following her sister up the huge climbing frames in playgrounds. she’s perfectly able to climb them but I am terrified she will fall off (or just try to jump off to be honest).

My son was exactly like this as a toddler and he is autistic. My daughter is now toddler age and so much easier.

My greatest fear is not having a good relationship when she is older. My brother was a ‘difficult’ child according to my mum (he is older than me). And quite frankly he is an arsehole, so it was just definitely a personality thing. Despite trying very hard I often find myself not enjoying spending time with my daughter because she is so difficult and there aren’t many nice moments.

My eldest was like this OP. I remember saying to the HV that I wasn’t sure if he was a normal toddler at his 2 year check. He’s nearly 4 now and mellowed loads, he’s much better company and has down time. I have a better measure of him now too, you really need to know how to manage him. You can’t tell him what to do. I used to get him to the park at 7am cause he was up early and full of energy.

I had a second and he’s a delight. He’s so so easy in comparison.

I really enjoy my son now he's 5. He's still so active but he is so incredibly sweet too.

I could have written this post myself!

It’s nice to read other posts as I’ve been wondering what I’m doing wrong and how this behaviour will develop over time when mu child grows up.

My son is 3years old now and he’s been a very difficult baby and toddler. He’s definitely getting easier with time, less crying/meltdowns and it’s easier to manage him. I wouldn’t want to go back to the times when he was 2.3years old.

I have the same observation as you - some toddlers that I have seen and spent time with are far more chilled and obedient.

And the baby stage was even more stressful as he needed constant attention and was never chill. No lovely walks in the pram (he hated the pram and cried all the time) and in general was never 100% content, kept waking up at night, cried a lot, etc.

So my advice is - hang on there, it’ll get better!

Sorry OP but I believe youhave described my daughter instead of yours - did we mix them up by mistake? :)

Wake up at 7.30 with her marching into the bedroom hyelling at the top of her voice
we then have two hours of fighting, yelling, meltdowns and genral chaos as I navigate breakfast teeth and clothes whilst also managing my 6 week old baby
I have mine in kindergarten from 10am until 1pm and thank god they do the hot lunch there
Nap (after I physically pin her down on the bed for up to 30 min a la WWF until 3pm)
More crying, yelling, whining as we do nappy change, milk and snack
Park from 4.30 until 6.30 - huge fight as I try to get her to leave park to make s sure everyone in the vicinity knows I am failing at parenting her
Dinner at 6.30 - she will only eat bread, cheese, olives, cucumber and fruit despite the hours I spend preparing anything
In the swimming pool every night (I live in a hot country) from 7 until 8pm. Mostly being whacked on the head with a ball or a pool noodle
Shower (yelling) milk ( whining) and teeth (more yelling)
Story and bed at half 8.
Sit outside her room on the sofa as she throws herself around the room singing London Bridge loudly and aggressively with lights being flicked on and off in unison
Hopefully asleep by 9pm
Bonus wakeup in the middle of the night looking for her soft toy/a drink of water/ etc alwaysaccompanied with more yelling/whining

She is stubborn, wilful and gets bored quickly (I think she's quite intelligent). I pretend to cope by ignoring her for the small things and putting her in her room to yell/carryon on after giving her a warning when she does something dangerous and then she comes out when she is done for a hug. I can also get a bit shouty (I'm not perfect either)

But inside I am a confusing mixture of totally exhausted/seething with rage/weirdly proud she is such such a strong character/guilt/feeling like a failure in general.

Does any of this ring true with anyone else?

@professionalnomad yep mines like that. She also kicked her dad on the shin twice today in a temper. Often wakes in the night and stays awake for 3 hours. I removed all the lightbulbs from her room a long time ago because of her switching them on and off at 3 am many a night

Yeah you just have a live wire!!
I had two out of four. Same parents, same parenting... very different personalities.
DD1... super active, very bright, super talkative, didn't pause to eat or sleep! Dx with ADHD at 6 and medicated. She's now a doctor and still medicated!!!
DS1.. OMG a nightmare... was walking at 9 months, rode a 2 wheeler bike by 3, skating by 4... climbing.. dear GOD the climbing, and the drawing on walls.
Epic tantrums. (even worse as a teen I'm afraid!)
Now a lovely chilled, but physically very active man..still skating, does Martial Arts.

Now we have toddler grandson aged 2.3... child of my most chilled, calm daughter. We joke that somehow he got his uncle and aunts DNA by mistake.
He's a whirlwind. Other toddlers and play calmly, do crafts at toddler group. He's crashing around. If he's not on reins.. he's GONE, and he doesn't look back. He's super social and affectionate but since he started talking he actually argues with us already.
Currently we are bribing him to potty train... he's perfectly capable, can hold it for hours, knows exactly what to do... but won't unless there is something in it for him.

I assume he will go far in life...!!!!!

Hang in there... these live wires tend to do ok :D