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Original poster

WhatsApp nonsense from friend

55 replies

Catcatty · 27/12/2022 09:01

NC
My friend is WhatsApp obsessed
If she messages you but you go online and don't read it then she gets peed off
If you read it but don't reply for hours then she gets peed off
She sends a shitty one word reply to indicate she's peed off
She checks peoples last seen. If you turn this function off then she gets peed off.
I find myself turning on airplane mode on my phone, checking my WhatsApp from other friends & family, then turning airplane mode off. That way she can't see I have been online.
I'm just getting fed up with it tbh. I feel like I need to be glued to my phone to keep up with her messages & expectations. Am I being a cow ?

OP posts:
rrf · 27/12/2022 09:52

She sounds highly anxious. Maybe she bases the value you put on your friendship on however long it takes you to answer your text. I know it's annoying, but it could also be a really stressful loop she's got herself into, there

ZenNudist · 27/12/2022 09:52

TheProvincialLady · 27/12/2022 09:28

Why would you want to be friends with such a controlling arse?

This. She's no friend. Tell her that you are going to call time on the friendship if she continues. Tell her it's a message not a summons and you don't owe her immediate reply. If that's not good enough for her then you can go your separate ways.

MeJane · 27/12/2022 09:57

Am I being a cow ?

How can you possibly think that you might even slightly be being a cow because you don't want a friend hounding you?

DuplicateUserName · 27/12/2022 10:00

I find myself turning on airplane mode on my phone, checking my WhatsApp from other friends & family, then turning airplane mode off. That way she can't see I have been online.
I'm just getting fed up with it tbh. I feel like I need to be glued to my phone to keep up with her messages & expectations. Am I being a cow?

You're not being a cow but you're not being an adult either.

Just stop pandering to her and ignore her childish tantrums.

2bazookas · 27/12/2022 10:02

Tell her straight; " your monopoly of my whatsapp and following my phone use is a bloody nuisance and invades my privacy. Stop, or I will block you for good. "

frozendaisy · 27/12/2022 10:04

If you are a grown adult just say "I use WhatsApp how I like stop with this nagging"

Highlighta · 27/12/2022 10:11

I ended a relationship for this very reason. Actually it was the tip of the iceberg to much deeper issues.

You need to discuss this with her if you want to keep the friendship.

HowDoWeDoThisPlease · 27/12/2022 10:45

Why do you care that she is annoyed if you turn off the notifications bit so she can’t know when you saw it? That’s her problem, not yours. Just turn it off and when she says anything tell her that you prefer this setting, it’s up to her what setting she wants to use, just as it’s yours to chose what you want.

Zax · 27/12/2022 11:45

AkoraEdelherb · 27/12/2022 09:07

There’s a new feature for turning off the ‘online’ sign which lets people know you’re on the app. Then nobody can know.

But that’s not the solution. The solution is to lose the friend. Or block her on WhatsApp, and tell her you’ve reverted back to text messages / phone calls. That way you can still use WhatsApp with other people, but to her it will look as if your account isn’t active anymore.

As that’s too much work, I’d still recommend ditching the ‘friend’.

Has the hide your online status feature been rolled out worldwide? Can't seem to find it, I'm in the UK?

WouldJudasLeaveIt · 27/12/2022 11:50

Umm I wouldn't allow my parent partner or child to throw a tantrum like that and nosy on my online status, a friend would be told to piss right off ☝🏼

lobsterkiller · 27/12/2022 12:11

Fucking whatsapp! I have muted all contacts, switched off the read tick and I can't be seen online. I've also silenced all whatsapp calls too. I control the phone not a contact in the phone.

And breathe 😂

BeggyMitchell · 27/12/2022 12:11

Zax- go into Settings> Privacy & choose these options:

WhatsApp nonsense from friend
TimeForMeToF1y · 27/12/2022 12:16

Spottypaperbag · 27/12/2022 09:30

Turning off read receipts is sort of counter intuitive because the ticks dont ever turn blue so if you did reply to her she would question why the ticks didnt turn blue and scupper your plan anyway. And Turning off last seen, although they cant see when you were last online, If you are online when they are in your messages they can see you are currently online. Its a very annoying feature of WhatsApp.

Turn off the online indicator

saraclara · 27/12/2022 12:18

'In case you notice and wonder why I've turned off the 'last seen' feature in WhatsApp it's because I've had various issues with WhatsApp contacts hounding me in the app and checking my online status and pressuring me to respond when I'm busy, I need to gain some privacy and space on WhatsApp and plan to spend a lot less time on the app from now on'

Yep. I'd send that.

FictionalCharacter · 27/12/2022 12:21

Of course you're not. She's ridiculous. Ignore her.

Draconis · 27/12/2022 12:22

Why are you letting her and her insecurities affect you like this?
Just ignore her nonsense and carry on using your WhatsApp how you want to.

kimchifix · 27/12/2022 12:26

Ignore. If challenged say it like it is. If she doesn't want to be friends after that - well, everyone's a winner.

kingtamponthefurred · 27/12/2022 12:35

Have it out with her and be prepared to lose the 'friendship' if necessary.

DifferentYearSameShit · 27/12/2022 12:36

My friend does this too - Jesus I'm an adult if I'm online it's for a reason sometimes I just cba to reply to her as it goes on and on and on and on
i turnt my online off and she msg I can't see when your online lol - and - piss off you needy mare

IToldYouAmillionTimesAlready · 27/12/2022 12:38

Your friend sounds ridiculous. You could either switch your mobile off or just ignore her, if she's being so obsessed

Bunnyfuller · 27/12/2022 12:40

The OP said she knows the last seen thing, and the friend gets pissed off with that. Either she’s a friend, and you can have an adult conversation about how you view texting etc. or if you can’t have that conversation you are neither adults nor friends and you can just block her and move on.

Stopclutchingpearls · 27/12/2022 12:46

Can I ask do you think she has border line personality disorder? I ask this because I have and I don’t do social media now really because I would feel ignored sometimes to it’s a thing we do this . Just sit her down and say I will be your friend I am not avoiding you but I do lead a busy life if I don’t like you any more or if you upset me I will let you know.
the reason I say this is because we need that to be said to us sometimes maybe a bit of reassurance yes to some it’s exhausting but it depends how good your friendship is.
people don’t always know they have BPD

Luckingfovely · 27/12/2022 13:00

I've never read so many ridiculous posts on one thread.

Why on earth would you make up a story or lie to her?

Just be an adult and tell her she's being bloody rude and intrusive, to back off and that you'll respond when you can. Doesn't work? Block her.

LindaEllen · 27/12/2022 13:04

I wouldn't be changing my behaviour to pander to this in the slightest. If you want to turn your last seen off, do it. I have. It's great.

But I'd have to put my foot down with her I'm afraid. I'd say sorry but my phone isn't always in my hand, sometimes I have more pressing messages to reply to, and it's up to you when you read and respond to messages.

I hate this culture of having to be available 24/7. It's unhealthy.

BMW6 · 27/12/2022 13:16

Just tell her to stop being an irritating twat or delete you from her friends list 🙄