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Original poster

Ungrateful

30 replies

Xmasungrateful · 27/12/2022 01:22

I know I'm in the wrong and I know I'm being ungrateful.

Been with my partner for 7 years. But we do not live together. He is very generous when it comes to birthday /Christmas.

He often buys me a phone. There was a couple of times he done it each year . I told him not to as my phone does what I need it to. This year I said I was happy with the phone I have. I don't see the point of an upgrade. Anyway he has bought me a phone for Xmas. It cost 1000 pounds. He was so pleased with himself.

The thing is 1000 is alot of money on one item. Me and the kids were homeless in temporary accommodation for several years . We have now moved into our council home. Although we have beds sofas, tvs wifi . I feel like a thousand pounds could have bought us quite a bit for the house. Like Shelving , sideboard I want. Maybe nice curtains nice rug . I just feel like if would have helped make my house feel a home . But its been spent on something I did not need.

Yes I know I'm a total cow .

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 27/12/2022 01:23

It is not generous to give someone something they neither want nor need.

Is he perhaps trying to buy you?

MadMadMadamMim · 27/12/2022 01:24

Can you speak to him about it? Ask him if he can exchange for a refund and say you'd much prefer a Dunelm voucher, for example, for that money so that you can kit the house out.

JanglyBeads · 27/12/2022 01:25

Are you saying he's been in a relationship with you for seven years and able to keep buying you expensive presents but stood by and watch you and your DC be homeless for a long time?

That does not sound like a loving or caring man.

Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 01:29

Xmasungrateful · 27/12/2022 01:22

I know I'm in the wrong and I know I'm being ungrateful.

Been with my partner for 7 years. But we do not live together. He is very generous when it comes to birthday /Christmas.

He often buys me a phone. There was a couple of times he done it each year . I told him not to as my phone does what I need it to. This year I said I was happy with the phone I have. I don't see the point of an upgrade. Anyway he has bought me a phone for Xmas. It cost 1000 pounds. He was so pleased with himself.

The thing is 1000 is alot of money on one item. Me and the kids were homeless in temporary accommodation for several years . We have now moved into our council home. Although we have beds sofas, tvs wifi . I feel like a thousand pounds could have bought us quite a bit for the house. Like Shelving , sideboard I want. Maybe nice curtains nice rug . I just feel like if would have helped make my house feel a home . But its been spent on something I did not need.

Yes I know I'm a total cow .

I see your point and I don't think you are in the wrong. You know what it's like to not have money and you didn't want a new upgrade. You can see that the money spent could have been used on things that are more practical. Plus your partner didn't listen to your request and just went off and did it anyway. That's annoying in itself.
I'm sure he meant well but I also get your frustration

Sugarfree23 · 27/12/2022 01:32

Op I don't understand this either.

I might be up the wrong tree but is he putting trackers on the phones before you get them?
Or is he 'acquiring' them from somewhere.

Seems a huge waste of money but then some people just want the latest tech and bragging rights. Sounds better to his mates 'got her iPhone 13' vs I got her curtains.

purpleme12 · 27/12/2022 01:33

If this is true then I would think the same as you.
That's an obscene amount of money, never mind for a phone so yes of course it would be best spent on something else

OriginalUsername2 · 27/12/2022 01:34

I would feel a bit sick! I don’t think you would be unreasonable to point this out to him (kindly and carefully)

Onnabugeisha · 27/12/2022 01:35

Just return it for a full refund or sell it on Gumtree for £800. You did tell him you didn’t need a new phone. He gifted you one anyway. It’s yours now, so return/sell it and use the cash for what you do want.

Original poster
Xmasungrateful · 27/12/2022 02:09

Sugarfree23 · 27/12/2022 01:32

Op I don't understand this either.

I might be up the wrong tree but is he putting trackers on the phones before you get them?
Or is he 'acquiring' them from somewhere.

Seems a huge waste of money but then some people just want the latest tech and bragging rights. Sounds better to his mates 'got her iPhone 13' vs I got her curtains.

No he definitely would not track me . I'm 100% on that. He will have ordered it from his catalogue.

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 27/12/2022 02:16

It would annoy me that he is disregarding what you tell him. Like your wants/views don’t matter.

Thingiemajig · 27/12/2022 02:17

Sell it? Or sell your old phone and keep the new one? Or ask him to return the phone and give you cash as there’s so much you need for the house.

Original poster
Xmasungrateful · 27/12/2022 02:45

Thingiemajig · 27/12/2022 02:17

Sell it? Or sell your old phone and keep the new one? Or ask him to return the phone and give you cash as there’s so much you need for the house.

No that would really upset him. He won't have the cash as he will have got it from his catalogue.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 27/12/2022 02:45

If you've been with him for seven years surely you can say 'it's such a generous gift but I really need a new rug/curtains/whatever, please could you change it?'. If you can't say that then I would seriously examine the basis of your relationship. Does he visit your home? Is he aware of your financial situation?

Ragwort · 27/12/2022 02:47

If he can't/won't change the new one, can you sell your old one?

Original poster
Xmasungrateful · 27/12/2022 02:47

Sunnytwobridges · 27/12/2022 02:16

It would annoy me that he is disregarding what you tell him. Like your wants/views don’t matter.

It could be he did not take in what I was saying. He does have something on his mons at the moment. So maybe he forgot

OP posts:
Wanttobefree2 · 27/12/2022 02:48

Very odd to keep buying phones, I’d just sell the old phone each time and spend that money on your house.

Whatstherecipe · 27/12/2022 02:51

You could surely sell your old phone though?

And yes, have a proper chat. He is not hearing you.

NewBootsAndRanty · 27/12/2022 02:53

Is he buying them on credit with his catalogue?

Original poster
Xmasungrateful · 27/12/2022 02:54

Whatstherecipe · 27/12/2022 02:51

You could surely sell your old phone though?

And yes, have a proper chat. He is not hearing you.

The old phone is not worth much now I don't think. I think around 100. Not sure though. I will check.

OP posts:
Original poster
Xmasungrateful · 27/12/2022 02:54

NewBootsAndRanty · 27/12/2022 02:53

Is he buying them on credit with his catalogue?

Yes

OP posts:
mycatsanutter · 27/12/2022 03:02

I wouldn't be happy either , even thou he hasn't paid for it it one go it's still a massive amount .As you specifically told him you did not want a phone then I think you could actually tell him so and ask him to return it

Original poster
Xmasungrateful · 27/12/2022 11:11

mycatsanutter · 27/12/2022 03:02

I wouldn't be happy either , even thou he hasn't paid for it it one go it's still a massive amount .As you specifically told him you did not want a phone then I think you could actually tell him so and ask him to return it

Yeah if he was happy to pay out a grand within his catalogue credit. He could have used it to buy some stuff for the house.

It can't be sent back because its been open

OP posts:
Lhoevaelth · 27/12/2022 11:21

You could furnish the place for that- carpets, some furniture etc so YANBU.

I would tell him I was massively grateful for the present etc then explain exactly what you have said in your post. He sounds decent, I am sure he would understand

Original poster
Xmasungrateful · 27/12/2022 11:43

Lhoevaelth · 27/12/2022 11:21

You could furnish the place for that- carpets, some furniture etc so YANBU.

I would tell him I was massively grateful for the present etc then explain exactly what you have said in your post. He sounds decent, I am sure he would understand

Yes he's not a bad person. I just don't think he thought it through

OP posts:
JanglyBeads · 27/12/2022 12:01

I'm questioning how a decent partner can stand by and watch his GF plus three kids be made homeless if he's quite well off.

Unless his whole life is on credit??