Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Girlfriend lied about mum being dead.....

42 replies

aaart · 25/12/2022 18:46

I've been with my girlfriend for two years.
Her family live a few hours away.
When we met she told me her mum had died a few weeks earlier.
She said she didn't go to the funeral and only found out after she died and said she died of cancer (my mum died of cancer )
Anyway she hasn't had a relationship with her for so many years.
I met her dad a year ago and he said "how's your mum"
She said "I got told she was dead"
And he replied "I never heard"

Then today her stepdad wrote on her facebook
Merry Christmas love mum
She immediately said I've just found out mums alive ...he put a pic on his story

I think she's never thought she was dead
I think she lied
She tells white lies all the time but this is big
What would you do?
How would you react ?

OP posts:
OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 25/12/2022 18:48

That’s an easy one. Break up.

You will never trust anything she says, which will eat away at you.

Chikapu · 25/12/2022 18:48

I'd react by dumping her, lying about her mum being dead is despicable. There's no way in the world I could trust her after that.

TeaStory · 25/12/2022 18:50

I’d try to find out the truth. Is it possible someone lied to your girlfriend?

GuinnessLover · 25/12/2022 18:51

This is awful OP. Did she know that your mother died of cancer before she told you this? You will never trust her again and there's no way you should even try to justify staying. Sorry to hear about your mum.

Itsthewhitehat · 25/12/2022 18:52

Why would her step dad write on her Facebook, something from her mum?

How would her step dad even manage that if she isn’t in contact with them? Have you ever met the step dad? Odd to have him on Facebook but not spoken to your mum for years. And surely she would have seen something about her mum if she has her stepdad on Facebook. Why would her mum post on her Facebook page, if they never speak. It doesn’t make sense.

Anyway, you don’t trust her. She tells enough ‘white lies’ that you no longer believe anything she has told you. So the relationship is dead in the water. You won’t ever find out the truth. If she is telling the truth you will always have doubt. Unless she admits she is lying, there will always be doubt. And if she admits she is lying the relationship I would be over, surely.

If I were you I would be thinking about ending it. A relationship is always going to be shut with no trust.

MyCrumpetIsCold · 25/12/2022 18:55

That relationship would be over for me … a lie like that? No, I wouldn’t want that person in my life.

KylieCharlene · 25/12/2022 19:01

She's a liar. A liar who has kept this up for two years. At best, deranged with self-esteem issues trying to perversely make it seem you had something in common.
You must feel so hurt and duped.
Get rid

Ginger1982 · 25/12/2022 19:02

My ex lied that his sister was dead. Not sure how he thought I would never find out. First family gathering I attended, a family member said, in front of both of us, 'how's X?' It was awkward to say the least.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 25/12/2022 19:03

If she tells lies a lot and you think she lied about her mum being dead, just break up. You can’t trust someone who lies constantly. Even small lies would be upsetting.

just leave it and don’t get in any further.

LimeTwists · 25/12/2022 19:17

I’d try to get to the bottom of why she doesn’t see her mum and why she’s prepared to pretend her mum is dead. I wouldn’t take advice from mumsnetters who will see this as a black and white case of telling lies without any consideration of what is clearly a far deeper issue. I wouldn’t write her off entirely because quite obviously there is something deeply troubling in their relationship which she is finding difficult to confront. I would not continue to date her unless she agrees to some therapy, as her behaviour (repeated lying) is not normal.

Alfur · 25/12/2022 19:20

I can certainly understand why someone might feel the need to lie. Especially early in a relationship. Depends on the reasons, I think. Is the mother toxic? Abusive?

pinkpotatoez · 25/12/2022 19:24

Are you sure she genuinely didn't think her mum was dead? Surely she knows she could possibly be brought up in front of you if she brings you to family gatherings. I'd of thought someone capable of lying like that would do more to cover themselves like tell her dad not to mention her mum? What did you say to her when she told you she was alive & what was her response ?

EL0ISE · 25/12/2022 19:26

Someone who can lie about something as big as this for 2 years is very troubled and you can’t fix her. You should get out now.

Original poster
aaart · 25/12/2022 19:32

Her stepdad used to hit her when she was young (14 onwards ) as soon as she turned 16 she left home

OP posts:
Durango · 25/12/2022 19:33

She didn’t necessarily lie

Maybe she had no contact with her mum at all and someone said she was dead

She literally said “I got told she was dead” to her dad in front of you

Now her mum has randomly reached out on FB on Xmas day through someone else and she’s told you straight away “I’ve just found out my mums not dead”

Why do you think she lied?

GuinnessLover · 25/12/2022 19:33

Alfur · 25/12/2022 19:20

I can certainly understand why someone might feel the need to lie. Especially early in a relationship. Depends on the reasons, I think. Is the mother toxic? Abusive?

She lied for two years. I can't believe people are normalising this. And also stating she died of the same illness that OPs mother died of. It'd be over for me.

Shanksponyorbust · 25/12/2022 19:34

You said she was told her mum was dead and she didn’t go to the funeral. It sounds like she believed what she was told which means she was estranged from her mum before that.

Not everyone has a nice loving family. Perhaps her mum had a cancer scare? Talk to her about it.

If you’re not feeling the relationship then break up with her.

FTY765 · 25/12/2022 19:40

Has she lied, as far as you know, about anything before to you?
I think there is a possibility she genuinely believed her mum was dead, on the face of it.
Talk to her and go from there.

Luredbyapomegranate · 25/12/2022 19:54

I am sure she has been fucked up by her family, but until she sorts herself out she isn’t able to have a relationship. Dump.

C1N1C · 25/12/2022 19:59

aaart · 25/12/2022 19:32

Her stepdad used to hit her when she was young (14 onwards ) as soon as she turned 16 she left home

Do you have proof of this? Maybe another lie for sympathy or attention.

thelobsterquadrille · 25/12/2022 20:02

GuinnessLover · 25/12/2022 19:33

She lied for two years. I can't believe people are normalising this. And also stating she died of the same illness that OPs mother died of. It'd be over for me.

Show quote history

There's no proof she's lied, though.

She even said, openly, to her dad, "I was told she was dead".

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 25/12/2022 20:02

aaart · 25/12/2022 19:32

Her stepdad used to hit her when she was young (14 onwards ) as soon as she turned 16 she left home

That’s very sad.
It does not make the lying and less of an issue though.

have you spoken to her about the lying? What does she say when you ask her about the lies?

CountZacular · 25/12/2022 20:31

I’m not sure how you know she lied tbh. If she’s been NC and someone had told her then there’s no reason for her to not believe that.

What sort of white lies do you mean?

bekkkka · 26/12/2022 07:22

thelobsterquadrille · 25/12/2022 20:02

There's no proof she's lied, though.

She even said, openly, to her dad, "I was told she was dead".

Show quote history

Exactly - why does the OP even assume she was lying? Nothing indicates this?

cantsing · 26/12/2022 07:26

Ask her to explain what happened. She might have been told her mum was dead.